Overall Recommendation:
4.3 stars
(3)
5 Stars:
66.67%
(2)
 
4 Stars:
0%
(0)
 
3 Stars:
33.33%
(1)
 
2 Stars:
0%
(0)
 
1 Stars:
0%
(0)
 
Premise:
4.3 stars
(3)
 
Story structure:
4.3 stars
(3)
 
Character:
4.3 stars
(3)
 
Dialogue:
4.0 stars
(3)
 
Emotion:
4.3 stars
(3)
 
 
1-3 of 3 reviews
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0 out of 0 people found the following review helpful:

The Future Is Here, Very Timely Take on Fighting Remote Control Wars

Overall Recommendation:
5 stars
 
Premise:
5 stars
 
Story structure:
5 stars
 
Character:
5 stars
 
Dialogue:
4 stars
 
Emotion:
5 stars
 
December 29, 2012
In this short treatment I see the potential for a great script. Very timely and very real the use of uavs and other weapons platforms in battles where no humans are involved is a scary thought. The dehumanization of war makes war so much more likely and the end result much more devastating. Just like a drive by shooting, a cowardly act where the aggressor never sees the results of his carnage, or carpet bombing that does not discriminate between military and civilian targets, the air crews never see the results of their actions from 30,000 feet. In the recent middle east wars we saw remotely controlled forces involved in friendly fire incidents as they the destroyed targets they were miles away from. In war one of the most important weapons an army can have is well trained and motivated soldiers. In World War 2 as in all wars America fought the individual soldier willing to put his life on the line in heroic actions against the enemy was our greatest weapon. This is a modern day precursor to The Terminator when machines replace humans to make war, and like that movie a few remaining Human Warriors must win the war against soul less killing machines. Excited to see more on this project.
 
1 out of 4 people found the following review helpful:

Badges... we don't need no badges...

Overall Recommendation:
5 stars
 
Premise:
5 stars
 
Story structure:
5 stars
 
Character:
5 stars
 
Dialogue:
5 stars
 
Emotion:
5 stars
 
November 27, 2011
I love the ol' school aspect of this raw version...

...as many times, that rawness gets diluted.

The "My truck..." line is priceless...

...simply priceless!

I love this idea!!!

Brian Shell

PassionHeroDotCom
 
3 out of 5 people found the following review helpful:

Now it's up to us

Overall Recommendation:
3 stars
 
Premise:
3 stars
 
Story structure:
3 stars
 
Character:
3 stars
 
Dialogue:
3 stars
 
Emotion:
3 stars
 
November 20, 2011
To review AS is of course irresistible. Can they truly live up to our phenomenally high expectations of their professionalism and creative acumen?

One organisation. Two scripts. The first is Draft 4, the other Draft 9. So good so far.

One’s 5 pages, the other 6. Do they provide a strong enough foundation to support a full-length script?

Undoubtedly yes. They differ in detail and tone. Script 1 is for you if you want to go for cracking storytelling, wisecracking banter, fast characterisation. This economy leaves space for the introduction of Beaker, the bearded, jailed private soldier, One Man Army and, ah, History Museum Curator. Love it. Oh yes. He’s the character I’d go for.

Script 2 is slower paced but more realistic. You get the feeling the writer knows something of Army, and at least has looked up words like ‘perimeter’ and that you have to fill out a lot of forms. The dialogue remains reasonably snappy, but doesn’t have the serial wit of Script 1.

Interestingly both in the second paragraph misspell soldier, Script 1 as soldier’s, Script 2 as Soldier’s, rather than the intended plural. I love this sort of detail. It doesn’t affect the story at all but it does humanise the writer’s intentions, and no one’s immune to getting mangled by apostrophes, me especially.

It’s the words in dialogue that matter. In the first dialogue line ‘Don’t touch my mints, kid’ in Script 1 becomes ‘Don’t touch my stuff, kid’ in the other. Personally I don’t like ‘stuff’ as much, it isn’t as visual, but of course ‘mints’ in English English sounds like Mince, which is ground beef. Nice to know the writer has an ear for emerging markets. ‘Don’t touch my Ground Beef’ – or even ‘Gund Beef’. Be careful of ‘spunk’ though (even if it’s not in dialogue, Script 2.)

Names, no probs there. Gund sounds Army (as in ‘out-Gunned’), Anu a nice goddess name which is easy to type, Beaker sounds primitive which he is (as in ‘Beaker People’) and perhaps because it sounds similar to ‘Biker’, which he is in spirit I suppose, being bearded and a rebel. I thought ‘May’ for the martinet officer (both captain and sergeant in 1) was a little indecisive – maybe ‘Tenet’ or something prissy and precise. Depending how much we’re not going to like him.

What’s the difference between the samples? Apart from the points raised above, Script 1 has Beaker, and Script 2 has the Sphere, the enemy military’s wonder-weapon more visually described. Might need something a bit better than a sphere, but it’s a good god-image for something you don’t understand (or haven’t thought of yet). More probably the droids simply died of rust, it being Seattle.

The key point, I think, is What happened before events in the control room … and What happens after?

Well, that’s what I’m looking forward to finding out.

Ah, but first there’s those review stars, even if it’s only for 6 pages. No stars might consign me to eternal damnation, as well as being unfair. 5 stars might look like snivelingly currying favor. So I’ll just tick three stars all the way down. Perfection.
 

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