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questions about the summary

Overall Recommendation:
3 stars
 
Premise:
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Character:
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November 29, 2011
Hi Eric.

I am reading the screenplay but I have these questions about the summary. I don't know if you agree with them but that's what I though during my reading.

Please, let me know your opinion.'

I look forward to hearing from you soon.

Best,
Noelia.

MY QUESTIONS ABOUT YOUR SYNOPSIS:

Paragraph 2
- Why would a nurse go to a crime scene?
- Who is the nurse who identifies Abby?
- Who is the officer who is holding the suspect at the ER?
- Why is there a suspect at the ER?
- Who is the suspect, a woman, a man, which age?
- Is this scene important in the story? Does it mean something?
- Why is this person a suspect?

Paragraph 3
Why does Carly, a nurse, go to Abby’s house to investigate the case with Nina?

*Please check: where did they go? Where are they?
Pgph 3: “Nina and Carly retire to his apartment”.
X
Pgph 4: “Carly takes a nap in Nina’s bed”.

Paragraph 4:
- Nina is at her or Carly’s place?
- She is supposed to be out of Abby’s house and suspended of the case. How and when do Nina and Trend arrive at the scene?
- Why are they there? What is the point? And how did it happen?
- You gave a big jump here and it became out of context.

Paragraph 5:
- Why does Nina shoot Trent at the hospital?
- Why does she take him to the hospital if she is decided to kill him?
- Why does she not kill him at the woods, close to Abby’s house?
- What is the point of it?

General questions:
- What kind of city is this story taking place? Because I know that the murder happened in an isolated area, but I see/feel “urban crimes”, “city behaviors” happening in parallel.
- Should you not have told the end of the story? You end when Abby and Nina decided to kill Bobby and his crew. I mean, in my opinion, your story should start at this point and go backwards.
- But what and how will this action (to kill the crew) happen?
- It seems that Nina “invites” Abby to kill them. So Nina is interested to keep herself free from Bobby.
- You have to decide who your main character is.
- Until this point, Nina is the main character and she wants to be free from Bobby. But Bobby fulfilled his word. So, what is the point to kill him? Is she afraid? The point has to be clear.
- You left Abby aside until here. During the whole reading we don’t see her and we don’t feel that she will want revenge, ok?
- You have to decide what you want to do with her.
- If Abby wants revenge, why does she not try to get involved?
- She is a passive character that decides to take revenge just because Nina wants to kill Bobby; her motives are not clear enough.
- The general idea is good but the end is loose.
- You changed the focus and everything you built lost sense.
- You changed your main character and we don’t understand what the point of your story is.
- You have to show your characters better, their actions and their functions.
- Who is the character that you are telling the story? Who are you talking about and why?
 

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