Overall Recommendation:
4.0 stars
(2)
5 Stars:
0%
(0)
 
4 Stars:
100.0%
(2)
 
3 Stars:
0%
(0)
 
2 Stars:
0%
(0)
 
1 Stars:
0%
(0)
 
Premise:
2.5 stars
(2)
 
Story structure:
3.0 stars
(2)
 
Character:
2.5 stars
(2)
 
Dialogue:
3.0 stars
(2)
 
Emotion:
2.5 stars
(2)
 
 
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0 out of 0 people found the following review helpful:

I'd Love to see this as a novel or short story

Overall Recommendation:
4 stars
 
Premise:
2 stars
 
Story structure:
4 stars
 
Character:
3 stars
 
Dialogue:
4 stars
 
Emotion:
3 stars
 
June 25, 2014
I read your script in one setting. I thought that the pacing was good and the dialogue was tight throughout but at the end I found myself wishing that it was a novel or short story where I could get to know these characters more in your voice as the writer, however as a film it would not be something I would be interested in watching. It is a very heavy drama which I don't mind as long as there is a payoff and I did not feel that this script really paid off. It was just kind of a life sucks story in my opinion. I also did not care for the husband, wife, mother, father stylization of it. It was unnecessary and only caused confusion, again I think that the generic naming of the characters would be better served in a novel then in a screenplay because your audience does not ever see the screenplay so why confuse the producers who you are wanting to greenlight your project?

On a positive note I thought that this could be self produced and would not need a big budget and may do well at film festivals and I thought that your ear for dialogue was quite good. I really liked the teenage girl character but kinda wondered why he would leave his daughter with her, seeing that she seemed to be totally dysfunctional.

On a nit picky negative note, aside from what I have already mentioned, I thought that the cops did not need to make snarky comments after they told Sebastion his wife was dead and the husband left the room. I thought that the things your were insinuating sucked didn't really suck so the scenes/dialogue were not as successful as they could have been. Banana Pudding Ice cream is pretty good, U2 does put on a really good show.

Overall - it was an enjoyable read and if you make a novel of it, or even a short story I'd love to read it.

In summation - those are my thoughts, but of course I am just one person with one persons opinion and I applaud you for writing a script and being so brave as to put it on a website and invite feedback. Best of luck to you.
 
0 out of 0 people found the following review helpful:

A Predictable life

Overall Recommendation:
4 stars
 
Premise:
3 stars
 
Story structure:
2 stars
 
Character:
2 stars
 
Dialogue:
2 stars
 
Emotion:
2 stars
 
December 13, 2013
May be the script could tell better otherwise it is fair
 

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