Overall Recommendation:
2.0 stars
(2)
5 Stars:
0%
(0)
 
4 Stars:
0%
(0)
 
3 Stars:
0%
(0)
 
2 Stars:
100.0%
(2)
 
1 Stars:
0%
(0)
 
Premise:
2.0 stars
(2)
 
Story structure:
2.0 stars
(2)
 
Character:
1.5 stars
(2)
 
Dialogue:
2.5 stars
(2)
 
Emotion:
1.5 stars
(2)
 
 
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1 out of 1 people found the following review helpful:

War of the Worlds remake?

Overall Recommendation:
2 stars
 
Premise:
3 stars
 
Story structure:
2 stars
 
Character:
2 stars
 
Dialogue:
3 stars
 
Emotion:
2 stars
 
April 08, 2012
It reads at first to be another War of the Worlds remake where in a "flu" kills the invaders.

I see technical issues with Chinese rights to the Arctic minerals? Why are they the bad guys? Why not just drop a bomb on China? With our standing army gone why do the Chinese just not drop a few millions troops on our soil or the arctic?

Why can only our heros save the President? What happened to the hundreds of other folks working to secure the President? I see characterization but no characters.

The Characters at (40) are too young for me to have been able to acquire Wisdom and Tactics. Need someone (50+) to understand enough about warfare and how to fight in a way that modern warfare would have forgotten about.

There are not trade off nor vulnerabilities in the drones. Nature designs in trade off's in all evolution. More armor but less speed, more brains but less armor, more speed but energy inefficient.

Why do I care about these folks fighting and dying? The female character sounds too much like Dirk Pitt. Life took them in different directions? Cliche? How about she hates his freakin' guts for dumping her at the alter?

How do they find and contact this "motley army of re-enactors" if the networks are down? Why do they just suddenly appear at the 2nd act? Where did the come from? Why not start with this "motley army" protesting the use of drones to fight instead of real people doing the fighting? You know the "We do not want machines taking our jobs" story.

Too much special effects for me. Where is the human story? Maybe one of the drones has feelings for a human and it works to save humans because it wants to become human?
 
1 out of 4 people found the following review helpful:

Needs a Rewrite

Overall Recommendation:
2 stars
 
Premise:
1 stars
 
Story structure:
2 stars
 
Character:
1 stars
 
Dialogue:
2 stars
 
Emotion:
1 stars
 
February 04, 2012
I'm a firm believer in constructive criticism and honest feedback, so please take that in mind for this review. After reading through your script twice this is how I feel: if you are serious about advancing to the next stage in this competition you need to completely rewrite the plot you have now.

First off, you need to really identify the thematic core of your story from which every plot piece, character dialogue, and thematic metaphor resonates from. Because really, what is the central theme of your story? All I got was "Robots are Bad, Humans are Good." I think you tried to say your central theme at the resolution of the story, when the president vapidly talks about "the need for diplomacy, for human involvement in foreign affairs." I mean, who doesn't agree with this? Why should this bland statement be fully explored in a movie? There's nothing controversial or enlightening about this statement, and therefore your entire pitch falls flat.

Some of the other pitches have strong themes such as, “If people don’t have to risk their own blood, then war becomes all too common," or another exploring the "moral ambiguity of technology." These are interesting topics and are especially relevant in context of the current geo-political atmosphere, i.e., US drones monitoring the Middle East, China's rapid military-tech advancements, etc. If you can really establish an impactful central theme you can grow your story from there, because currently your story is too expansive and too bland, not focused and poignant as a solid theme should be.

In the beginning I thought your story would be centered around the environmental impact of technology, and perhaps the polar bear caught between two fierce nations at war was a metaphor for the environment being destroyed as global superpowers fought for resources. Or maybe it was just a damn polar bear having a bad day.

If you wish to stick with the US vs China topic, perhaps your central theme could explore the tensions for Chinese citizens in America or vice versa. Maybe Col. Amy Jackson or General Hawk could be of Chinese descent, and despite their highly awarded past are suddenly not trusted by the US government and imprisoned for fear of espionage. You could then weave a technological thread through the story which explores the dark side of drone technology when government's go unchecked. It's your story - just make your central theme INTERESTING.

Once you are set with an interesting central theme your story can flourish from there. But please, please, don't be so formulaic in your pitch. You need to shuffle the deck. Not every time the heroes destroy an enemy should the mountain collapse and they escape just in time. You used that twice in your story.

Hopefully this gives you some ideas where to go next in your rewrite. At the end of the day its your story so be sure its a story YOU want to tell. Something you are passionate about. Because if its not, the audience can tell, and your story will be boring. Think bold and unique - Good luck.
 

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