Overall Recommendation:
4.2 stars
(5)
5 Stars:
40.0%
(2)
 
4 Stars:
40.0%
(2)
 
3 Stars:
20.0%
(1)
 
2 Stars:
0%
(0)
 
1 Stars:
0%
(0)
 
Premise:
4.8 stars
(5)
 
Story structure:
3.8 stars
(5)
 
Character:
4.2 stars
(5)
 
Dialogue:
3.8 stars
(5)
 
Emotion:
3.8 stars
(5)
 
 
1-5 of 5 reviews
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1 out of 1 people found the following review helpful:

Good concept

Overall Recommendation:
4 stars
 
Premise:
4 stars
 
Story structure:
3 stars
 
Character:
3 stars
 
Dialogue:
3 stars
 
Emotion:
3 stars
 
December 26, 2010
The concept is nice. The screenplay is quick to read, but there are things that can be deleted, like descriptions of things that don't make a difference. Think visual. Think scene descriptions as action only.
 
1 out of 1 people found the following review helpful:

Concept Good, Execution... Needs Work

Overall Recommendation:
3 stars
 
Premise:
5 stars
 
Story structure:
3 stars
 
Character:
4 stars
 
Dialogue:
3 stars
 
Emotion:
3 stars
 
December 10, 2010
I really like the premise of this story, but the execution has some flaws.

It takes way too long for the protagonist to swing into action here. I'm thinking most of what happens in the first twenty pages (in the wrong font, I'll get to that later) could be eliminated without affecting the story one bit. For this to work, we need to see Hope in the first few pages at her moment of crisis. Yes, I know, she fends off her high school boyfriend, but the stakes aren't high enough. And then she fends off the football/swing dancing star, and then she hears about "value" from her business professor. But does all that need to take twenty pages (probably 30 pages in the correct font... the entire first act???) I think not.

Also, another major concern is that your script is coming up misformatted. It showed up as an RTF in 10 point courier, and because of that was only 85 pages long. I've downloaded other scripts here, they came up fine. Did you reduce the size of the font?

As for the characters, you know you can leave out the descriptions that include "cute" "sexy" etc. Let's just assume that the folks in a movie are gonna be good looking. Give me something else about them that makes their characters unique. BTW, I didn't see much to make this a "hard R" rating. Seemed rather PG-13 to me.

So, in closing, this is a promising premise. I'm thinking someone needs to retool this into the script it could be. It needs quite a bit of work, but I think in the long run would be worth it.
 
0 out of 0 people found the following review helpful:

Fantastic Concept

Overall Recommendation:
4 stars
 
Premise:
5 stars
 
Story structure:
3 stars
 
Character:
4 stars
 
Dialogue:
3 stars
 
Emotion:
3 stars
 
December 10, 2010
The concept of this script is phenomenal and has blockbuster written all over it. That being said, the execution of this draft doesn't do the concept justice. The setup takes way too long and risks losing audience interest. The reader needs to fully grasp the stakes much sooner and connect with it on an emotional level in order for the story to have the impact the concept deserves.

The characters are solid and unique, and the writer has a good ear for dialogue, but the dialogue itself needs a good trim to get rid of redundancies and unnecessary filler. An easy ten pages could be removed with a good dialogue edit, bringing the mounting tension and hilarity into sharper focus.

This script is one rewrite away from being a serious contender.
 
0 out of 0 people found the following review helpful:

Excellent

Overall Recommendation:
5 stars
 
Premise:
5 stars
 
Story structure:
5 stars
 
Character:
5 stars
 
Dialogue:
5 stars
 
Emotion:
5 stars
 
December 05, 2010
Could not fault this at all. From the first page you can tell you are in the hands of someone that knows how to write.

Something like this is very refreshing to read, in a world where Hollywood produces so many movies with unrealistic depictions of females in them, and especially younger females in them, it was a breath of fresh air to read something that actually had some sensitivity to its subject.

Hats off!
 
2 out of 2 people found the following review helpful:

Perfectly written cute story.

Overall Recommendation:
5 stars
 
Premise:
5 stars
 
Story structure:
5 stars
 
Character:
5 stars
 
Dialogue:
5 stars
 
Emotion:
5 stars
 
December 04, 2010
The script was very well structured for an easy read. It will probably be produced.

I had a notepad open, but found nothing to note.
 

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