Overall Recommendation:
4.0 stars
(1)
5 Stars:
0%
(0)
 
4 Stars:
100.0%
(1)
 
3 Stars:
0%
(0)
 
2 Stars:
0%
(0)
 
1 Stars:
0%
(0)
 
Premise:
5.0 stars
(1)
 
Story structure:
3.0 stars
(1)
 
Character:
3.0 stars
(1)
 
Dialogue:
3.0 stars
(1)
 
Emotion:
4.0 stars
(1)
 
 
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0 out of 0 people found the following review helpful:

Want to see the movie - needs some work.

Overall Recommendation:
4 stars
 
Premise:
5 stars
 
Story structure:
3 stars
 
Character:
3 stars
 
Dialogue:
3 stars
 
Emotion:
4 stars
 
January 03, 2011
Phil, I liked this story and would like to see it in a movie. This is well written and entertaining. I like your premise and think it is very relevant. People who agree and disagree with the premise will enjoy it. The structure has excellent conflicts and surprise twists. The focus was good - each scene was relevant to the premise. The ending was good.

I think you or another writer can improve on this and make it fantastic.

In some places the dialogue needs improved. Several pieces of dialogue were a little like speeches:

HOPE
Fiona, you're a good reporter. You
recognized the story. The big
picture. Not only that, you gave
me strength to take a stand. You
didn't destroy me. You made me a
better person.

This dialogue would be better as a give and take (action/reaction).

I rate lower than others because I compare to what it takes to get the movie made and get a good box office.

Good luck with this. If you need help on what or how to improve, just contact me via Studio Mail, or in a discussion.

- Dorian
 

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