Overall Recommendation:
3.5 stars
(6)
5 Stars:
0%
(0)
 
4 Stars:
83.33%
(5)
 
3 Stars:
0%
(0)
 
2 Stars:
0%
(0)
 
1 Stars:
16.67%
(1)
 
Premise:
4.2 stars
(6)
 
Story structure:
3.7 stars
(6)
 
Character:
3.5 stars
(6)
 
Dialogue:
3.3 stars
(6)
 
Emotion:
3.3 stars
(6)
 
 
1-6 of 6 reviews
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1 out of 1 people found the following review helpful:

Hilarious

Overall Recommendation:
4 stars
 
Premise:
5 stars
 
Story structure:
4 stars
 
Character:
4 stars
 
Dialogue:
4 stars
 
Emotion:
3 stars
 
March 21, 2016
I don't really know where to begin. I loved the script. There's some things that could be better, but man, it's good. You caught me right up front with Washington crossing the Delaware with the guy painting the picture while they're rowing. "B-dog is street" about killed me. I love the dialogue. I absolutely adore George Washington, so the fact that you made him this kind of antagonist and I still loved it says a lot for the writing. I think Washington, Franklin, Betsy, and Samuel are all great characters. I feel that Wensleydale isn't a compelling enough villain; though, and the plot to discredit Franklin was over-involved with no real good reason. The exposition came a little too easy...although, that's not necessarily a bad thing. The bad guy giving it all up like that is very James Bond-ish and I imagine that was the point. I guess I would have just liked to see it flow a little better and have a little more suspense toward the end. I didn't really feel that it built up properly. It was technically structured well, but it didn't build suspense the way this type of script should in Act III. I'm probably over-analyzing, though.

The premise is brilliant! Before James Bond, the ultimate gentleman spy was...Ben Franklin! It makes sense with the gadgets, the wit. As patriotic as I am, I actually loved the irreverence with which you treated some of the historical figures. It's really very good. I can see where it needs some tweaking, just because many of your mechanisms have been over-used in thrillers, even comedic ones in the past; but it's really solid and I think deserves screen time.
 
1 out of 1 people found the following review helpful:

Good idea but your modern setting doesn't match Franklin. Change your setting.

Overall Recommendation:
4 stars
 
Premise:
4 stars
 
Story structure:
4 stars
 
Character:
4 stars
 
Dialogue:
4 stars
 
Emotion:
5 stars
 
January 18, 2016
Change your modern setting to 1776, then you should be OK.
 
0 out of 1 people found the following review helpful:

Ben Franklin review

Overall Recommendation:
1 stars
 
Premise:
3 stars
 
Story structure:
1 stars
 
Character:
1 stars
 
Dialogue:
1 stars
 
Emotion:
1 stars
 
June 12, 2015
From the beginning, if you really want to capture the time in which the film takes place, you should try writing the date as they would. It won't be December 25, 1776. It will be 25 December 1776. Also you don't have to write they all speak German and it is subtitled. You can just write (In German) in the parenthetical, in the dialogue. This is just technical aspects of writing. Also be sure to comb through for errors in spelling. This is the easiest thing to skim over. For instance when you put he shots at the orb, instead of shot. More importantly, I think the comedy just doesn't work within the first few scenes. You have to jump right out of the gate with the comedy. Comedy is tragedy plus time, and the timing is all off. Also the jokes seemed to be forced. How about, instead of Franklin shooting the ORB, I think it would be funnier if he handed it off to someone else, goes to say something to Franklin, and it explodes in the background. The characters also don't talk like they would if they were in 1776. The dialogue used is very modern. And when Washington said the boys in the village, I instantly thought "what village?" I get that it's 1776, but they had towns and cities. Village is more of a medieval term. I honestly only read the first 5 pages, but that was enough for me to write this much. I think the script would benefit from some research in history from that era. I may be late in this review, and if so I'm sorry. But I'm just commenting on what I've seen posted so far. Keep writing.
Best, Marcus
 
1 out of 1 people found the following review helpful:

Ryan's review

Overall Recommendation:
4 stars
 
Premise:
5 stars
 
Story structure:
5 stars
 
Character:
5 stars
 
Dialogue:
4 stars
 
Emotion:
4 stars
 
June 15, 2014
Dear Jason Ungate,

Hello, my name is Ryan Sinnott and I am a sophomore at Commack High
School. I take a class called Film as Literature and our teacher, Mr.
Patterson, decided that our final would be based off a movie on this
website. We had to watch trailers to the film as well as read the script and here is what I have found about your movie, "America's Ben Franklin in: The Electrocution String." I really like the story due to the fact that you incorporate the genres of action and adventure, comedy, and a little bit of history very well together. Usually you don’t see the genres together too often and I believe that is why it’s so intriguing. I like how you make Benjamin Franklin an action character because that’s not what people are used to. This movie makes his life more exciting than it actually was. I find this movie interesting because it wasn’t based off a book. It was made out of pure imagination and that’s why I think it’s such a cool and interesting movie. The only thing I don’t like about the movie is that in some serious parts, you try to incorporate some humor when it is not needed. Like in the beginning Franklin and Washington are having a serious conversation and then all of a sudden, Washington says a joke to the entire audience at the party. Besides that, I really liked the movie.I wish you the best in your quest to get this movie in theaters and
hope to it in one in the future.

Sincerely,
Ryan Sinnott
 
0 out of 0 people found the following review helpful:

This rewrite may need a rewrite.

Overall Recommendation:
4 stars
 
Premise:
5 stars
 
Story structure:
4 stars
 
Character:
5 stars
 
Dialogue:
4 stars
 
Emotion:
5 stars
 
February 16, 2014
I liked the first version of this script better than this one for some reason. It may be that this time thru there were some glaring problems with the historic realities of some things that I don't think were intended to be part of the great gags concerning Ben Franklin's inventions which are funny and ironic. I will just run down a few references that bothered me. Page 4 there was no medicare or retirement at 65 in Franklin's time. Page 11 Wimbledon Tennis Tournament started in 1877. Page 17 Philly Cheese Steak invented 1930. Page 18 adhesive tape invented 1930 maybe crystal ball could be tied with twine. Page 23 100 dollar bill not printed until the 1800s in fact there was no American national currency at that time. Page 33 red bull product placement reference did not work. Page 99 again Tropicana Orange Juice was not a brand at that time. Page 119 Chocolate bar not invented till 1840s. Perhaps these historic mistakes were an intentional attempt at a funny gag by the writer but they do not work like the fun inventions by Ben like ford thunderbird, speed boat, laser beam which work as we feel Ben was far ahead of his time technologically. One more thing that may need some work is the exchange with General Arnold on pages 14 and 15. Ben seems to already be familiar with Arnold and his history but at end of exchange asks him his name. It is still a great premise and a project with potential for success and sequels but this draft seemed to have lost some of its edge. If not for what I feel are some distracting errors in the historical time line I would have given it 5 stars as I did the last draft I read.
 
1 out of 1 people found the following review helpful:

I love the concept.

Overall Recommendation:
4 stars
 
Premise:
3 stars
 
Story structure:
4 stars
 
Character:
2 stars
 
Dialogue:
3 stars
 
Emotion:
2 stars
 
June 18, 2013
Ben Franklin is one of my favorite historical figures; I applaud the creators of this piece for such an awesome concept. Ben Franklin as a James Bond type totally works. My issue is the comedy within Americas Ben Franklin. It seems to lean more towards slap-stick and British wit. Very Python-esque. I don't think the humor connects with the character. Maybe the story should lean less on the humor and more on the Action Adventure. Lets say, more like a National Treasure. Overall the story is very well written and again I love the concept.
 

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