Overall Recommendation:
4.5 stars
(4)
5 Stars:
50.0%
(2)
 
4 Stars:
50.0%
(2)
 
3 Stars:
0%
(0)
 
2 Stars:
0%
(0)
 
1 Stars:
0%
(0)
 
Premise:
3.8 stars
(4)
 
Story structure:
3.5 stars
(4)
 
Character:
4.8 stars
(4)
 
Dialogue:
4.0 stars
(4)
 
Emotion:
4.3 stars
(4)
 
 
1-4 of 4 reviews
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1 out of 2 people found the following review helpful:

Adaptation

Overall Recommendation:
4 stars
 
Premise:
3 stars
 
Story structure:
2 stars
 
Character:
5 stars
 
Dialogue:
3 stars
 
Emotion:
4 stars
 
December 26, 2010
Transitioning from novel to screenplay, I commend the author on attempting this difficult task! Typical African American story premise of any other black lit, but still an enjoyable read nevertheless. My suggestion for the author is to continue to work on story structure. 117 is still to long for a romance comedy. Cut Cut Cut and cut some more.
 
2 out of 3 people found the following review helpful:

I could identify!

Overall Recommendation:
4 stars
 
Premise:
3 stars
 
Story structure:
3 stars
 
Character:
4 stars
 
Dialogue:
3 stars
 
Emotion:
3 stars
 
December 24, 2010
Likeable story. Reminds of Two Can Play That Game or Breakin’ All the Rules. It is not easy to adapt a manuscript into screenplay format. There are certain things that screenplays do not adhere to, no matter how much the writer wants to add it in.

As an African American woman, I’ve seen and lived the lead character’s trials and tribulations once to many. I could easily identify with her character arc. Lol Loved this dialogue – “I came to get paid and instead—I got laid.”

Being from the area the story is set; I would love to see this on the screen.

All the best on your future revisions!


M Sweeny Carey
 
2 out of 5 people found the following review helpful:

Pitch is so great, that alone would get a five star from me.

Overall Recommendation:
5 stars
 
Premise:
5 stars
 
Story structure:
5 stars
 
Character:
5 stars
 
Dialogue:
5 stars
 
Emotion:
5 stars
 
December 23, 2010
I've only read the first few pages. Looks really good. Will finish and edit my review.

I know it is difficult for a prose writer to adapt to script format. You know: Present tense, active voice, and strong action verbs. But it makes it easier to visualize the scenes.

Finally got around to finishing the script.



Great Job.
 
1 out of 3 people found the following review helpful:

Page-Turner! Couldn't Put it Down!

Overall Recommendation:
5 stars
 
Premise:
4 stars
 
Story structure:
4 stars
 
Character:
5 stars
 
Dialogue:
5 stars
 
Emotion:
5 stars
 
December 20, 2010
First let me say the writer's pitch interview is HILARIOUS! That alone would make me want to read further.

The main character, Charisse, has a problem with attracting the wrong men, so she decides to stop dating for a while and figure out why. And she's failed in love so many times, she doesn't trust her instincts.

Problem is she meets a new hot guy and gets distracted from reaching her goals. The suspense kicks in as we start to wonder whether the new guy is genuine or whether he has some underhanded ulterior motives. She's also dealing with some family secrets that come out when she faces a family crisis. This part of the story adds drama to the humor and suspense.

This story really has it all. She adds twist after twist after twist. Some things I saw coming and some things I didn't. Someone mentioned that the story was predictable. I have yet to see a romantic comedy without a predictable ending--happily ever after. But K.L. puts in so many twists that she keeps you roped in until the very end, whether or not you predict the ending--which is great by the way because the character grows so much and learns a lot about herself. Most importantly she changes her behavior for the better.

Another thing I like about the story is that it is race neutral. I'm not black but I love the character because she is so real and funny. I know about three women just like her. She's relatable, strong, and yet hysterically flawed. A woman of any race could play the lead role but in this case she just happens to be black.

My only real suggestion is to use the title The Bum Magnet like the book. I think it suits the story better.
 

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