Overall Recommendation:
2.0 stars
(1)
5 Stars:
0%
(0)
 
4 Stars:
0%
(0)
 
3 Stars:
0%
(0)
 
2 Stars:
100.0%
(1)
 
1 Stars:
0%
(0)
 
Premise:
2.0 stars
(1)
 
Story structure:
1.0 stars
(1)
 
Character:
1.0 stars
(1)
 
Dialogue:
4.0 stars
(1)
 
Emotion:
4.0 stars
(1)
 
 
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3 out of 4 people found the following review helpful:

Still needs work...

Overall Recommendation:
2 stars
 
Premise:
2 stars
 
Story structure:
1 stars
 
Character:
1 stars
 
Dialogue:
4 stars
 
Emotion:
4 stars
 

L M

February 11, 2013
PREMISE: 5

The logline is this: "A disabled former train engineer uses his model railroad to escape into fantasies of heroism while befriending a self-destructive teen until a revelation ends one of their lives. "

I would have given it a 7 or 8, except that the logline doesn't actually describe the movie until the final page. I was reading and reading to see which one would die, and how that would turn the story in a new and interesting direction but it didn't happen. As such, even 5 is a high score here, because the story really is 98 pages of Ian's fantasy life, filled with characters that have very few redeeming qualities, followed by a 1 page reveal.


PLOT: 1

There really is no plot. Just random episodes in Ian's life, most of which are later revealed to be fantasies. It builds towards the Birthday Party, and the story begins to kick into gear there, but that's at about Page 75 (of 99), and by this point the plot has lost the reader.


CHARACTERS: 2
Ian's a bitter foulmouthed old drunk.
Alex is a bitter foulmouthed young drunk.
Pete's a bitter foulmouthed taxi driver
Goth girl is a bitter goth

Everyone is bitter. There's little variety, and there's no real protagonist to 'root for'.

DIALOGUE: 6
The dialogue is good. It reads well with some colorful twists of statement. Problem is, because everyone is bitter, all the dialog is bitter. But, it is well written bitterness, hence the high score. I would like some different characters with different traits, and from there I could estimate a better score.

OVERALL: 3
It's hard to consider this as movie-worthy, despite how well author is at putting words to paper. There's little plot, the characters have no redeeming qualities, and while the twist is predictable, it also carries some nice emotional impact. It is just such hard work getting to the twist. It would be better if there's someone to root for along the way, and the twist is the kick-in-the-guts at the end.

Bottom line -- Author knows how to write. But if he wants Flat Pennies to be a movie, I think he needs to fundamentally rethink the structure and the characters.
 

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