Overall Recommendation:
1.0 stars
(2)
5 Stars:
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4 Stars:
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3 Stars:
0%
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2 Stars:
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1 Stars:
100.0%
(2)
 
Premise:
1.0 stars
(2)
 
Story structure:
1.5 stars
(2)
 
Character:
1.5 stars
(2)
 
Dialogue:
1.5 stars
(2)
 
Emotion:
1.0 stars
(2)
 
 
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0 out of 1 people found the following review helpful:

This Turducken Will Give You The Runs!

Overall Recommendation:
1 stars
 
Premise:
1 stars
 
Story structure:
1 stars
 
Character:
1 stars
 
Dialogue:
1 stars
 
Emotion:
1 stars
 
September 09, 2013
Pretty awful script for a "total Rewrite" many typographical errors and annoying ignorance of reality such as steam coming from electric subway cars and words that were probably misread by spell-write. It was kind of boring in the beginning and went way long, with little character development and a confusing cast of bad guys. I felt it trivialized some recent real terrorist acts and in general was a waste of time. Was there anything I liked about this script? NO!
 
0 out of 0 people found the following review helpful:

WHY?

Overall Recommendation:
1 stars
 
Premise:
1 stars
 
Story structure:
2 stars
 
Character:
2 stars
 
Dialogue:
2 stars
 
Emotion:
1 stars
 
September 08, 2013
When a reporter witnesses a child's kidnapping, his heroic attempts to recover the girl draws him into a world of deceit where nothing is as it seems and soon finds himself fighting for his own life.

If the author's aim is to reproduce a Die-Hard type of iconic film, he was nearer to success in the 3rd draft. Sadly, he recants and regresses back to earlier aimless drafts. And leaves the reader much disappointed in draft 4 which seems more like the first draft.

This project found merit in the second rewrite (draft 3) and fell apart again in draft 4???!!!! I am confused why you downscaled the 4th draft when the 3rd draft was so compelling.

What is and was wrong with all drafts except for draft 3:

- no clear plot
- transparent , hand-spooned dialogue
- no emotional connection with the characters
- lots of action without impact or meaning
- no coherent parts
- trying too hard and confusing the reader.

The 3rd draft corrected all of those problems and showcased:

- strong start
- adrenaline-pumping action
- clear protagonist
- clear antagonists
- better plot and subplots
- stronger dialogue
- engages the reader / audience in the adventure.

The 3rd draft did need a little bit of work but remains, in my opinion, your best work thus far.

Good luck
 

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