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Premise:
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Story structure:
3.0 stars
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Character:
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Dialogue:
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Emotion:
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2 out of 2 people found the following review helpful:

Well written

Overall Recommendation:
4 stars
 
Premise:
4 stars
 
Story structure:
3 stars
 
Character:
4 stars
 
Dialogue:
5 stars
 
Emotion:
3 stars
 
Just read “Flat Pennies” for the first time.

First, I’d like to compliment the writer on his ability to write dialogue. Realistic dialogue seems to be difficult for most writers and yet he pulled it off well. I didn’t find it too much “on the nose” or expository. The dialogue was the way I would expect people in that particular story to talk, especially a 17 year old who’s an alcoholic.

Descriptions were fairly vivid. Example: “His face bloated with trauma, his hands shake as he gazes at the layout as if it were a forlorn lover. Sweat glistens on his forehead. He dabs his brow with an oily rag.” With writing such as that, it would seem the writer has the ability to turn this into a book if he wants, providing the script isn’t optioned.

I found no problems with the format and obviously a screenplay program is used. There were some punctuation mistakes, starting on page 2 where a question mark and an exclamation mark were made “…made the papers?!” That’s just one example; there are others – easy corrections to make.

Although this is minor and I shouldn’t bring it up, but I’m not sure the significance of making Ian 51 as opposed to 50 or early fifties or fiftyish unless I overlooked a reference to it in the screenplay somewhere.

What I did see wrong were places where the word is in caps and then others where they aren’t and should be. Sluglines, of course, are always capped. Names of characters when they’re introduced for the first time, sound effects, certain props. An “Injured Mountain Climber” is introduced without being capitalized. So is “Flight Crew Member.”

Muffled words off screen are mentioned in a description but not written out. It should be:
ALEX (O.S.)
(Muffled)
and whatever he says that we have difficulty hearing.

Instead of “fries scrambled eggs” why not just “scrambles eggs.” Again, this is minor.

I liked the way Ian dreamed of being the hero and as the protagonist, it’s easy to see his weaknesses but I’m not sure I saw a change in him from the beginning to the end and he needs that arc.

The ending is supposed to bring closure, and “Flat Pennies” pulled that off with no problem. I was very surprised so in that respect, it was well done.

Would I pay to see this? No. Why? Because I found it depressing. But that doesn’t mean dark movies aren’t being made and people aren’t seeing them. It’s just that I’m not one.

As a whole though, I thought the writer did a very good job with this screenplay.

Although I’ve written seven scripts, I’m not a professional writer until one sells. Nor am I a professional reviewer. I can only tell what I like and don’t like about a script but I hope the writer will find some of this helpful. I do think the script is original and different; I thought the writing was good, and the writer deserves kudos for his persistence
 

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