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Premise:
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1 out of 2 people found the following review helpful:

I liked it very much. A fast read, with good dialogue.

Overall Recommendation:
4 stars
 
Premise:
4 stars
 
Story structure:
4 stars
 
Character:
5 stars
 
Dialogue:
4 stars
 
Emotion:
4 stars
 
January 18, 2011
Nice opening. At first I was slightly confused by Ellis Park and then Roger Ellis, but it was
eventually cleared up.

I understood your movie trailer perfectly as soon as I was reading about the jump.

Normally, I'm not a big fan of V.O., but in this story, it worked well as it did, say in Wise Guys and a few others. (I liked the line: You hold onto those thoughts like they're the last drops of water in an empty desert.)

It was an interesting surprise when we find out Roger was an author.

That sudden dangerous side to Roger made we wonder if in fact he was faking his amnesia.

I liked the dialogue in the whole piece, but Italy was very good. I also liked the airplane sting by Roger.

Again, the U.S. Marshall's arrest was nice.

I was slightly put off by the loose lips of the record keeper informing Roger on the rumors about the Mayor. That was until I realized that he was hitting on Roger. (Am I correct on this?)

I also liked the Frankenstein Effect dialogue. Said a lot.

The ending is slightly weak. It works, but maybe some tweaks. (What would have happened if Roger was in fact faking his amnesia? And we learned it at the end. I'm just tossing that out there.)

All in all, a good, fast read. I am curious how much this draft has changed from the original.

Thanks, Richard Guimond
 

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