Overall Recommendation:
3.5 stars
(2)
5 Stars:
50.0%
(1)
 
4 Stars:
0%
(0)
 
3 Stars:
0%
(0)
 
2 Stars:
50.0%
(1)
 
1 Stars:
0%
(0)
 
Premise:
3.0 stars
(2)
 
Story structure:
3.5 stars
(2)
 
Character:
3.0 stars
(2)
 
Dialogue:
3.5 stars
(2)
 
Emotion:
3.0 stars
(2)
 
 
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0 out of 5 people found the following review helpful:

Love is blind and tone deaf

Overall Recommendation:
2 stars
 
Premise:
1 stars
 
Story structure:
2 stars
 
Character:
1 stars
 
Dialogue:
2 stars
 
Emotion:
1 stars
 
May 20, 2011
Taylor after reading the uproarious Agent 69 and The Prophet of Death I must say I am surprised by the 360 this script was. I think that you wrote this as a testament of your love to your girlfriend. The problem is what lovy dovy couples think is funny between them is not to those outside the relationship. When I read about Mike and Sara I could not help but thinking this would probably appeal to Ashton Kutcher. Romantic comedies of late have been pitiful. It is difficult to make what is a painful process light and frothy. The religious connotations fell flat and the slapstick when parceled out seemed forced. Bear in mind more of these kind of by the dots movies get made than any other. It seems to me with the slant towards the conventional in these contests that this script just might win. That's of course unless it is up against your own Agent 69 and The Prophet of Death.
 
2 out of 3 people found the following review helpful:

Good Comedy Set Pieces

Overall Recommendation:
5 stars
 
Premise:
5 stars
 
Story structure:
5 stars
 
Character:
5 stars
 
Dialogue:
5 stars
 
Emotion:
5 stars
 
May 17, 2011
Romcoms are not my preferred genre, but I really got into this one. This works both as a romcom and a Christmas movie - all the seasonal references and humor put this in a unique spot. Furthermore, this script has the wittiest dialogue I've read/ heard in a long time.

The characters are well developed and the plot is both believable and funny. There are several hilarious comedy set pieces that would work great on screen.

Reading the script it flowed smoothly until page 40, then it seemed to stall out and didn't get going again until p45 when Mike strangled Connor. There seemed to be to much witty banter and not enough complication until the video/ strangling scene. Maybe the strangling scene should be the end of the first act, which would place it around p 30-35. At 106 pages there is room to trim the first act a little.

The lead characters are likable. I was kinda hoping that Mike would actually murder Connor. I haven't seen a good necktie murder since Hitchcock's Frenzy.

Some notes:

p63 I like the way Natalie first blames Mike, then calls someone on the phone and blames him. LOL.

p65 "They drummed me out. They actually used drums." You know, a flashback would be great here. Maybe a series of brief flashbacks as Sara describes the incident.

"That's a horrible use of the drums." LMFAO. This could be a flashback, too. Mike pounding on his drum kit. Dueling flashbacks.

p66 "I hate when people use drums for evil." This could be a dream sequence where Natalie leads a coven of drumming witches to invoke a demon.

p70 "Ten lords a leaping." "You're missing some guys." "They're off with the maids." Funny stuff.

p78 Santa shoves fake Santa. More funny stuff.

p79 "promiscuous Santa." Excellent set piece.

p83 The ass kicking scene. LOL.

All in all, a damned good job. I'd go to see this one.
 

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