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Premise:
4.0 stars
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Story structure:
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Character:
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Dialogue:
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2 out of 2 people found the following review helpful:

Great zombie script with lots of potential

Overall Recommendation:
4 stars
 
Premise:
4 stars
 
Story structure:
4 stars
 
Character:
3 stars
 
Dialogue:
2 stars
 
Emotion:
3 stars
 
February 21, 2011
I'm a big fan of zombie films, so I was excited to read this screenplay. The storyline is good and the characters solid, overall. There were lots of moments of suspense and action. Kara and Ash are good characters, and I like how Ash basically tells the story of what happened before having the story come back to him. I've always been a fan of this "story within a story" plot device, and it works well here.

I think the biggest problems are formatting and description. Your descriptions are very rich, but sometimes it almost reads more like a novel than a screenplay. You really need to work on cutting stuff down and making everything flow faster. I have had a similar problem with some of my scripts: they are too wordy sometimes, which makes for a rougher read.

I opened your screenplay in Final Draft and it clocked in at 109 pages, so you have plenty of room to trim things and work on the flow. As for formatting, try to watch the camera descriptions and angles, as this is something that is usually frowned upon. I would suggest picking up the book "The Screenwriter's Bible" by David Trottier. I'd also work on some of the dialogue and make it sound more natural.

You have a good grasp on character, structure, and all that stuff. I think if you focus on presentation and description, you will have something really special. Zombies are really making a come-back right now, so stick with this script and make it better. Good luck!
 

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