Overall Recommendation:
3.5 stars
(2)
5 Stars:
50.0%
(1)
 
4 Stars:
0%
(0)
 
3 Stars:
0%
(0)
 
2 Stars:
50.0%
(1)
 
1 Stars:
0%
(0)
 
Premise:
4.0 stars
(2)
 
Story structure:
3.5 stars
(2)
 
Character:
2.5 stars
(2)
 
Dialogue:
3.0 stars
(2)
 
Emotion:
3.0 stars
(2)
 
 
1-2 of 2 reviews
Sort: Newest | Most helpful
2 out of 5 people found the following review helpful:

Review of Zombie Diaries - The Solitary

Overall Recommendation:
2 stars
 
Premise:
3 stars
 
Story structure:
2 stars
 
Character:
1 stars
 
Dialogue:
2 stars
 
Emotion:
2 stars
 
May 03, 2011
CONCEPT: What if, in a world rapidly turning humans into mutants, a baby was found that could save the world? The concept itself is fine, it's just the execution of it, I felt, was lacking.

STORY: The story, in its entirety, but especially early, dragged on. Not a whole lot happened. And that which did happen wasn't very interesting. Too many talking heads.

There wasn't enough danger. No suspense. A dearth of tension.

There is a lot of opportunity to do some interesting things in a world that's infected like this. I just don't think that really was taken advantage of.

There was no scene that wowed me, no scene I hadn't seen before. And in a world like this—in a Horror film, in general—there needs to be at least something the masses haven't seen before.

CHARACTERS: There were too many characters. Most of them were pretty bland as well (the female characters mostly). While Garret was different, I just think he was too unbelievable to be taken seriously.

There wasn't enough hard choices the characters had to make.

STRUCTURE: I think the structure is this story's biggest weakness. It takes too long to get going. The real story starts off when they find this baby that appears to be immune. Yet it takes too long to get to that point.

A lot of the scenes just drag on, too.

DIALOGUE: Run of the mill. Nothing really stood out.

OVERALL: The title needs works. There is no reason to have “Zombie” in the title, seeing as how you don't even use the word “zombie” in the entire script (you just call them 'dumb infected', I believe). It's false advertising, basically. Plus, “Diaries”, it just kind of effeminates the title, making “Zombie” sound less cool and gruesome.

Good job at keeping the action lines to three lines.

I think you really should take a good look at the structure of this story going forward. That and kick out several characters. Or make more conflict between that group of characters, because the way it stands, having a group like that travel together really cuts out a lot of tension (because one's a lot safer in a group than he is on his lonesome).

Maybe add a scene in which they have to hide from the infected and need to keep quiet—but that's when the baby starts crying, threatens to give their location away. Maybe Garret threatens to “shut the baby up” if it doesn't stop. And cut between the infected hearing, and coming closer to their location. Until they finally get the baby to stop and the infected to leave.

Up the tension. Up the suspense.

Good luck with this.
 
4 out of 4 people found the following review helpful:

MORE ACTION PACKED THAN THE ORIGINAL

Overall Recommendation:
5 stars
 
Premise:
5 stars
 
Story structure:
5 stars
 
Character:
4 stars
 
Dialogue:
4 stars
 
Emotion:
4 stars
 
February 20, 2011
Overall, you've given the story a lot more action in this revision. There are a lot of areas you've emphasized and made clearer and I absolutely love the better version of the slug lines over the old ones, you've given it a lot more texture with your own voice.

PREMISE: The greater area of concern being changed to the baby instead of Christine is a nice touch. Although it needs reinforcement to make the baby still alive believable. Also have to be careful not to make this too much like Resident Evil. Define the feelings and the point of view of being an infected a little more as the premise which I think you did pretty well, just need to emphasize more.

STORY STRUCTURE: It's great that you've kept it pretty much in tact even though the events have changed. In the beginning, I believe the action with Kara driving home should be a little trimmed, but that's just me. Maybe there are a few things that you might have overlooked while doing the revision though, but as long as you have your hero (Kara's) flaw, her redeeming qualities, and the life-changing event, basically the story will have a foundation.

CHARACTER: I love how you've redefined Garret as he is in this revision, he seems more evil and he has great moments here also. The only thing with Garret is you might've made him more one dimensional, his near death experience in the old draft showed his weakness and until he found more drugs and got the mutation, this scare made him realise how he needs others as some kind of extra protection. Having said that, you've also given Garret a stronger motivation and define why he is a bad person. Same with Kara and Frank, you've given them another layer and dimension. Christine and Ashley however I think have lost a little bit of their characteristic and arc. Lol, you must like Drew by making him live longer hehehe.


DIALOGUE: There are also things you have to be careful of. I noticed in some dialogues you were reverting back to your old way of writing .... .... in there and also some of the character's diction bleeding to other characters. It's nothing major but noticeable.

EMOTION: Again, you made the emotions stronger in a lot of ways, most especially the sadness and anger in Kara. The guilt in Frank. The feeling of freedom in Garret. Drew's cowardice. Now all this needs is a little uplifting moments in the scenes. Little things like music and candy to lift up the mood I believe can be a powerful thing to envoke feelings in an audience. It's not that major of an issue but I'm a big believer of putting your audience through a rollercoaster of emotions. happy-sad, angry-guilty, nostalgic, etc...


Overall I really liked this version. It has opened my eyes to so many aspects of the old draft that needed improving and some aspects that I truly missed not being there. There are a lot of moments that really filled the void in my old versions too. I would love to really polish this version, working with you (Joseph) and really see your vision and the original vision combined, then see great we could make this script ;)
 

Reviews for