Overall Recommendation:
4.3 stars
(3)
5 Stars:
33.33%
(1)
 
4 Stars:
66.67%
(2)
 
3 Stars:
0%
(0)
 
2 Stars:
0%
(0)
 
1 Stars:
0%
(0)
 
Premise:
4.0 stars
(3)
 
Story structure:
4.3 stars
(3)
 
Character:
4.7 stars
(3)
 
Dialogue:
4.3 stars
(3)
 
Emotion:
5.0 stars
(3)
 
 
1-3 of 3 reviews
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5 out of 5 people found the following review helpful:

Not for Hollywood

Overall Recommendation:
4 stars
 
Premise:
2 stars
 
Story structure:
3 stars
 
Character:
5 stars
 
Dialogue:
4 stars
 
Emotion:
5 stars
 
March 22, 2011
Very dark, very depressing. It's an authentic screenplay, well-written, but nonetheless hard to enjoy. Hollywood has done a lot of "handicap" movies. I almost never like those movies as the formula is so obvious (handicapped person overcomes the handicap). Well, your story gets away from the formula, so props for that. Your handicap person does not overcome his handicap.

The problem is that his handicap--both physical and mental--keep him down. Instead of being positive and optimistic, he's alone, suicidal, depressed, unhappy, negative. I'm not sure if his character arc is flat, or it's all downhill. You perhaps have crafted a more realistic story, but it's also an unhappy story, one that makes us feel bad.

There's no real inciting incident. What it feels like to me is a very long first act--like a 70 page first act, all character stuff--and then we get to the meat of the drama when you connect the two characters with the kid's discovery about his parents. That surprised me, and it was very effective. Upsetting, powerful stuff. It's a bit of a slog to get there, though.

This might be the one time I have seen "it was all a dream" and it actually worked. The fact that he was dreaming all of this just makes it sadder, really. He has no friends, no kid visiting him, no meal at their house, no positive experience at all. And his guilt is just overwhelming him. I don't know, right now it's not a fun experience at all.

I give it four stars because it's well-executed, but it's such a depressing ride that I am pretty sure I would not like this movie. You might consider ways to uplift the character just a bit, try to warm our heart and give us some hope.

You might have luck with this as an indy film. I'm sure it can be shot for a low budget. Best of luck with it.
 
0 out of 1 people found the following review helpful:

A little dark but very entertaining

Overall Recommendation:
4 stars
 
Premise:
5 stars
 
Story structure:
5 stars
 
Character:
4 stars
 
Dialogue:
4 stars
 
Emotion:
5 stars
 
March 04, 2011
This script wont be for everyone, but it's still entertaining. I wouldn't mind watching this on the screen. I like the great ending. Never saw it coming.
 
0 out of 1 people found the following review helpful:

Love it!

Overall Recommendation:
5 stars
 
Premise:
5 stars
 
Story structure:
5 stars
 
Character:
5 stars
 
Dialogue:
5 stars
 
Emotion:
5 stars
 
March 04, 2011
Okay, you removed those daydreams and now the screenplay is so much easier to follow! Love the quicker read too! Good luck with this project, Robert!
 

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