Overall Recommendation:
4.4 stars
(23)
5 Stars:
43.48%
(10)
 
4 Stars:
56.52%
(13)
 
3 Stars:
0%
(0)
 
2 Stars:
0%
(0)
 
1 Stars:
0%
(0)
 
Premise:
4.3 stars
(23)
 
Story structure:
4.5 stars
(23)
 
Character:
4.2 stars
(23)
 
Dialogue:
4.4 stars
(23)
 
Emotion:
3.9 stars
(23)
 
 
1-10 of 23 reviews
Sort: Newest | Most helpful
1 out of 1 people found the following review helpful:

Nice ride

Overall Recommendation:
4 stars
 
Premise:
4 stars
 
Story structure:
5 stars
 
Character:
3 stars
 
Dialogue:
5 stars
 
Emotion:
3 stars
 
August 04, 2011
What a nice little ride this is. You keep and maintain the chase piece swimmingly from page 1 to page 110. You have a strong mix of characters, a nice plot, and strong writing to support it.

For me my issues are few, which makes it harder to give good notes. However there are a few things that can help elevate it to another level.

Tone: I had a hard time getting a read on the tone you were going for. Perhaps after the strong opening I was expecting to be a straight thriller so once some of the light hearted moments began happening it rocked me a bit. Now these lighter moments are good. The first Ivan scene was really good. The bow and arrow stuff was good. I think it just swings very wide on the tone scale. Waking up next to a stabbed dead guy vs. 2 different guy naked scenes. In the middle of a life or death situation and bantering about losing her virginity.

Here’s a few examples of tone issues I made note of…

When the sniper takes out Simon right in front of her the “Are you dead? Oh, great. Another one.” Doesn’t strike me as the right reaction. She would be freaking out. Hysterical. In fact this leads to my next issue.

When we remeet Sara, she just had some sex. Considering the events of the day, this strikes me as off.

The sexy banter between Kari and Josh for me was weird. I know you want some sexual tension here, but I think it might better be unspoken interactions.

Kari’s Comfort Level: She a young college virgin, but she seemed awful adept and comfortable in different situations. In other situations she just didn’t seem to react like a normal person. In particular this is important to get right because you’re making the right choice to start with the dead guy in the bed. The only downside to that is you never get to know normal, regular Kari. For the duration of the movie, we only see what should be freaked-out Kari. Her sense of humor shines through, but she’s just so strangely good and avoiding these men.

I suppose the problem is that a college student who is obsessed with dying a virgin doesn’t strike me as someone who’d be very good at escaping. It’s almost feels like your trying to get the best of both world here (virgin comedy / cool action), but I’m not sure that world exists.

Given her comfort level and skill I was actually expecting a “Kari is really a [spy]” midpoint twist.

The Poison: I dug the poison and really the entire villain set up. It changed the vantage point from a more familiar movie which is a strong choice. Typically this movie from the perspective of Bobby’s character, so going this way is pretty cool. However the poison I thought was a promising. I liked Ivan a lot but thought the idea that he could get come up with a cure I thought was a bit ridiculous. Sure he’s a smart guy, but he’s not a doctor. Being able to do it quickly was kind of meh. I’m afraid to say I think it might have just been an excuse to get another Ivan scene. As I’ve been told many times, maybe save that for the sequel :-) I think the stronger way to go would be that the poison actually start to affect her. The extent to the effect was lines like “only six hours left and I’m going to be a virgin.”

This all comes back to tone. I think a darker tone in general is a stronger play here with this set up.

Logic: The only big logical problem I had an issue with was when the point was escaping and being safe she ends up going after the bad guys. Well rather the FBI agent brings her along, which actually makes it more logically skewed.

Overall these are issues that probably won’t take much work to improve. My final thought is tone, tone, tone. :-)

Best of luck with it.
 
2 out of 3 people found the following review helpful:

Couldn't put it down.

Overall Recommendation:
4 stars
 
Premise:
4 stars
 
Story structure:
5 stars
 
Character:
4 stars
 
Dialogue:
4 stars
 
Emotion:
4 stars
 
July 28, 2011
My husband started reading it before me, I booted him off when I noticed his intense concentration (doesn't do that for my script). I now understand why. It's good, a fast and easy read. I chuckled at some parts.
As I was reading, I did see the film play before my eyes, but I could not picture any "known" actors, for Kari, and this is only because she didn't seem too real for me. Kari should be scared, and frantic about all that's happening, but she seems too calm. She wakes up with a dead man, another one gets shot in front of her, I'd be screaming bloody murder. Also, when she calls Ivan and he tells her that he may have a cure her response is "that's so sweet". She could be a little more grateful, happy?
Having said that, I could not stop reading it. I can certainly see it on the big screen, but with a little more "I'm so scared" Kari.

Right on Taylor!
 
1 out of 3 people found the following review helpful:

Likes...

Overall Recommendation:
4 stars
 
Premise:
4 stars
 
Story structure:
5 stars
 
Character:
4 stars
 
Dialogue:
4 stars
 
Emotion:
4 stars
 
June 04, 2011
FRAME UP - REVIEW

Overall Grade 4 | Premise 4.0 | Dialogue 4.0 | Character 4.0 | Conflict 4.0 | Pacing 4.0 | Originality 3.0 | Structure 5.0 | Logic 4.0 |

OVERALL (4)
FRAME UP fits very well into the crime/comedy genre. Its dialogue and narrative text are both rich and its conflict is engaging. The characters are well rounded and believable. The suspense is well written and the violence is is in good measure and not over the top.

PREMISE (4)
A young girl has been framed with the murder of a college student in order to bring her scientist brother out into the open.
A good hook.

STRUCTURE (5)
Three act structure and all of them clearly marked out. The inciting incident is there so is the requisite tension in each act.

CHARACTER (4)
To a large extent the protagonist is a very likeable and relatable character. She’s funny and she’s witty but the fact that she’s a virgin and likes to share that information with all and sundry makes her a bit of a goody miss two shoes - and that’s kind of irritating. It would have been nicer though if the was one of those girls of the reckless variety who now believes that now she really “over partied” when when she wakes up with a dead body next to her.
The antagonist Von Kipper needs to stand out a bit more. In as much as he is supposed to be shadowy, since he is a spy and all, when we do get to see him can he really come out to be a villain’s villain? I mean after all this a guy who wants to “wipe out” god knows how many small town and cities – so he really needs to be far much more than an “I feed turtles to my pet alligator” villain – which he doesn’t do by the way. He needs to up his villain!

CONFLICT (4)
The main conflict is serious enough to keep the characters active from beginning to end. A young girl has been framed for murder by a group of spies and she desperately needs to get to the bottom of this. Not only that she has been injected with some sort of poison and time is not on her side. As if that’s not bad enough we also find that there is a group of spies that wants to get hold of formula that can “wipe out” a whole town and unless they get their hands on it the girl will die. So a lot of conflict there – do you save the girl and give the bad guys the formula or do you let the girl die and save thousands if not millions.

DIALOGUE (4)
The dialogue is quick and quirky and characters never go beyond what is necessary to move the story. Most importantly, it’s funny - which is what it has to be given the genre.

PACING (4)
Scenes are all of appropriate length. The stakes build at a good pace towards the climax. Action and dialogue is well balanced.

LOGIC (4)
All is fair and fine for a crime/comedy and everything else seems to be in order except for:

1) When Zack just comes “out of nowhere” during the fight scene at the Greek restaurant on p 31. There has to be a good reason for him being there. I thought this was going to be explained later on most probably through the revelation that he is also a spy or something and I really thought I was correct when he “nods” at Howie in the frat house but, sadly, I was to find out that I was wrong. He is nothing more than just a lover who appear from out of nowhere.

2) Kari and Jay’s romantic relationship seems to have been rushed through. There is nothing in their first encounter (p36-39) that suggests that Kari is remotely attracted to Jay but a few scenes down the road we find her talking about how she “found someone” and that somebody is Jay Honk. If it’s love at first sight then at least let us know that in the scene of their first encounter.

I think one of the ways you can handle this is have her first go all dreamy when she sees this handsome stranger in her home. Even though he’s an intruder she kind of forgets that because he is just so damn good looking – but then she notices the “dead” dog!

When she realises the dog is still alive -after she has shot Jay – the crush can then continues.

ORIGINALITY (3)
While enjoyable, FRAME UP, contributes a few new ideas to the crime/comedy genre. However, it must be noted that contributing new ideas is something that rarely happens in film and new ideas don’t necessarily make a good movie. Sometimes the old –tried and trusted - ideas are all that’s needed to make a good story and that is exactly what happens with FRAME UP.

WRITING ABILITY (5)
This is a well written script! The narrative style adds lots of visuals and makes it easier to picture the action – a good example of this would be the Vespa chase from 46 – 50 or the fight scenes on the plane 94-103.


================
Hope I'm not being pernickety, but your scene heading on page 80 is wrong. It reads:

INT. DRY STORAGE -- DAY

it should be -

INT. DRY STORAGE -- NIGHT
 
2 out of 3 people found the following review helpful:

HOT LADY-DRIVEN THRILLER, AT LAST!

Overall Recommendation:
5 stars
 
Premise:
4 stars
 
Story structure:
4 stars
 
Character:
5 stars
 
Dialogue:
5 stars
 
Emotion:
5 stars
 
May 21, 2011
It’s exciting to see a screenplay destined for the big (or even small) screen. I’m therefore excited to have read Taylor Carmichael’s FRAME-UP. Over all, I loved it.

PREMISE—4 stars
Girl is poisoned to threaten her brother to divulge a dangerous formula. She escapes the usual mis-identification by the authorities—except for one or more FBI types who are tuned into the national security dilemma if the formula ever gets out.

The formula for her onw poison is tattoo’d on her back. Why, I wasn’t sure exactly, but it sure is funky and dramatic. But for a while I confused that formula with the brother’s formula. Doh.

There’s a bit of James Bond villainery in the bad guys, though I’m not exactly sure how an illicit arms dealer would make the transition to terrorist vendor of . Or how he/they would find out about this secret formula of the brother—what’s that history? Bumped into him at the gym?.

STRUCTURE—4 stars
3 Acts with a bit long 3rd one. See notes below for stuff to clean up. The flying scene needs more precise handling. But this is a comic action movie, and a fun one. Basically one long chase of sorts from the page one setup.

CHARACTERS-5 stars
Kari, the lead, is particularly fitting for me; we have a family friend who very much fits her description and sitation—except for the daunting, deadly events of the screenplay—including the name, Kari. Personal connection aside, the script Kari is the kind of plucky young female who appeals to all generations of readers. This one seems a shoe-in for a Kristen Bell working the innocent side of her range.

Fellow characters of importance are limned to the extent they work in their scenes. That is, just enough.

Brother Bobby showed real concern for his younger, less-worldly sis and a family bond that it’s nice to see when protagonists are often so existential they hardly acknowledge they sprung to life from nothing more substantial than writers’ daydreams.

There was a proliferation of bad guys and the love interest came into view a bit later than one might have thought, but it fit Kari’s yearnings.

I kept picturing one of the younger stars of the Modern Family TV show for Sara.

DIALOGUE-5 stars
Captivating, charming, urgent throughout. Love the progressing nuance when Sara denies sexual activities then, when her boyfriend enters, “I did a little.” Overall, flawless. Total mastery.

EMOTION 5-stars
I was in Kari’s camp throughout, feeling her innocence and righteousness up to my ears from page One. As the central figure in the story, she had me vicariously running scared sometimes, indignant others times. I felt tuned into her peril.

Page Notes/Questions/Whatever:
You may ignore, explore or deplore these in the interests of script betterment.

p.1 What happened to FADE IN?
Nice touch with the hearts on the boxer shorts.
Repeat slug should be INT. BRIAN'S BEDROOM – DAY (consistency)

p.2 Consider punching up Graf#2 along these lines (3 lines vs. 4)
Kari approaches the bed, avoids the bloody sheet on the floor. She reaches over to push a toe. Nothing. Kari grabs a cold and clammy foot, then yanks her hand back.

Dr. Format sez specs don’t need character (CONT’D)s any more on any page. (not the same as for broken dialogue at page bottom).

Bottom: if we’re back from the flashback, how about a…
BACK TO PRESENT DAY or
INT. BRIAN'S BEDROOM – DAY
(This applies later, too. Look for similar situations)

p.3 Save a couple of lines & drop the wrylies by saying…
Sara's cell phone rings. She picks up before it wakes
up ZACK, 20. and whispers.

p.5 Either MUSIC or SONG ought to be upper case.

p.6 What the hell is “PBR?” Doesn’t sound like an acronym, so spell it in dialogue…
P.B.R. or P-B-R

p.7 Wonderful effect if Simon alone “starts to blur.” Or Pixelates.

Flashback ending notice. I had to re-read to make sure I didn’t miss something.

p.10. The (CONT’D)s. Last mention that they’re not needed in specs.

p. 12. The MYSTERIOUS MAN should be upper case on first appearance.
And be called that in the character name over dialogue. Or ANONYMOUS MAN
— one or the other. Otherwise the reader could get lost momentarily. Then he’s Man
in the narrative—a proper noun.

p.14 How about “Kari notices herself in a wall mirror.” Save a line.

Funny Jimmy buffet ref…

Save a line, lose the blocking/direction :
From her purse on a chair her phone rings. She answers.

p.16. Let’s hope the Doc didn’t grab Kari’s street clothes when he locked her in.

TWO POLICEMEN

Is it important to the story that Kari’s in C-Springs? Consider that Pike’s Peak
mention back on p.2 when the windows are wide open? Note spelling.

p.22 Either CROWDS or STUDENTS ought to be upper case.

p.23. The rifle scope thing needs a slug something like this because it’s important to
draw special attention to the change in POV and not lose the reader.:
INSERT – RIFLE SCOPE POV
Kari and Simon in the crosshairs of a rifle scope.
Kari waves her arms, yells at Simon. He shakes his
head, scared, in denial. Image blurs, refocuses. Now
Kari is alone in the crosshairs.

p.24 This guy is not “assassin”- He’s either Mysterious Man or Anonymous Man—your
choice from p.12. Is this guy poised to shoot or taking a rest at the top of the page?
If aiming, lets know for sure, to push the peril. Last we saw, Kari was the target.

Is Ronald a passerby or what? Like to know he’s on the scene. Funny scene, tho’.
How about he’s dressed as a lumberjack—who screams. More funny?

Save a line: Now Kari screams, too.

p.25 Kari does NOT just “walk down the street.” She’s agitated as hell, scared, etc.
Maybe she trots. Or jogs. Or stalks, looking for a clothing store. Let’s feel her action.

Nice irony with the T-shirt legend!

p.26. Smart girl to have some mad money on hand! Plucky! Rooting interest increases.

p.27 Repeat “down the street” not needed. Try this and save a line:
Kari speed-walks down the street. A police car with
flashing lightbar goes flying past. Kari keeps walking.

In the 2nd graf, lose “a street” and save a line.

Set up the crosshairs again with the INSERT as on p.23. And a sniper rifle causes a
bit more in hitting the street. Give us the danger with description like,,,
The near-miss bullet POPS a puff of asphalt dust.

Again, this assassin is called something else.

Greek restaurant: save a line:
Kari and Sara stare at two plates of untouched food.

p.28 Cool. Now Kari’s looking for the dead guy in the bed, but doesn’t know that.

Stew: “drink” or “beverage?”

I’d say…Juan (the hospital spy) calls out to him.

Wouldn’t hurt to say Bobby, Kari’s brother, sits next to.. .

p.29 Whoa, this phone to Bobby comes out of the blue. Is it a FlightFone or what? I had
no inkling this serviing stew was lugging hardware around.

Juan strolls through the restaurant, talking on his cell.
In his other hand, a silenced .. .

p.30 Juan has not divulged to Kari that her brother’s on the phone. So a “Who is this?”
would be in order.

p.31. Wow! Talk about ramping up the stakes for Act II!!!

But Juan sez, Give us the formula.”—THAT’S WHAT’S ON KARI’S BACK and
the badguys are thought to have put it there… Huh

P.32 Juan’s now the “assassin”. Make sure the sniper’s called something else, earlier

p.33. Did Sara have a raincoat and helmet on when she first rode up on the Vespa?

p.34. Kari “runs off” and “runs back”. But it’s really Vespa driving, so try another verb
that suggests driving, like “zooms” used further down. And is funny repeated.

…at several FBI AGENTS waiting in the….

p.35 … two-ounce bottle…

QUESTION at this point in the reading: Kari’s brother, Bobby, holds a patent for a deadly chemical product he’s reluctant give the badgyys. Surely it’s NOT the formula tattoo’d on Kari’s back. A Russian chem student easily recognizes that formula as a poison and proves its effects well-understood.

A clandestine group wants the patent (?) to Bobby’s formula, killing various folks to get Bobby to sell/ otherwise reveal it to them. Is it as deadly as The formula placed on Kari’s back, the one the Russian recognized easily?t. It’s a poison, something of immediate use to clandestine orgs who want to kill secretly for $$ or political gain. Why don’t the killers—being clandestine already--just make and use it, since the public notice of a patent transfer is high-profile and they would want to avoid notice? Instead, they’re leaving bodies and blood all over Colorado Springs with their indiscrete killings…

QUESTION: If Kari can’t see the formula on her back, how would she know that’s a hint that she’s been poisoned and has but 24 hours (from when?) to find an antidote. Without that message being clear to her, she’s not “racing against time” to solve her problem. We know Juan later tells Bobby he has 10 hours; is that supposed to be for Kari’s poison to kill her, or something else?

p.36. Toody and Muldoon. Will any 20-some readers get this ref? I loved it.

Is Apartment 59 in the frat house? How’s Kari know Ron and Josh? Slug it.

. . .a loud KNOCK at the door.

p.37 Kari starts to hoist herself up? How? Where? To what purpose?

If it’s to Kari’s “own balcony,” why the next slug as “Katie’s apartment.” Did you
mean “Kari”? And was Kari joining “her sisters” in a sorority house on p. 2?

p.38. See ref on p.6, spelling in dialogue.

p.40. Kari seems sure she’s been poisoned.

p.41 Multi pizza deliveries, odd? Only if they never staked out a college dorm before.

p.42 …loud KNOCK at the door.

It’s the PIZZA GUY. Use same name over dialogue.

p.43. Pike’S Peak

F.B.I. or F-B-I Look for others.

p.46. COPS radio for assistance.

Does Kari cross the street from the filling station to get to the grocery parking lot?

How about some BAG BOY noticing Kari’s breasts first?

Why not INTERCUT GROCERY STORE AISLES and avoid all the slugs?

p.48. Love Kari’s Vespa chase in the store! At last, someone not macho does it!

p.51. Forgot to mention before: police SIRENS.

P.53.Who’s Bobby speaking to?

p.54. CHUCK, 47, holds a gun in Bobby’s ribs.

p.55.. Kari rides Sara’s scooter in the rain.

P,56. Kari opens a lab refrigerator.
How’s she know all this about the rice, is she a science major, too?

p.57. Ivan draws the blue beaker liquid into a syringe.

p.58. Need a slug like DRUG FANTASY SEQUENCE – NIGHTCLUB
Otherwise some readers may be lost, confused, pissed, at venue change.

PEOPLE in fancy dress…

MASKED MEN in tuxedos surround Kari, in a stunning red dress. SWING music plays. She starts to dance. As she does, Kari playfully swings her fists at the masked men. They go sprawling to the rhythm of the beat.

Two spotlights hit Kari. Unseen gunners shoot at her.

From off stage a NINJA falls down dead.

p.59 Before the science lab slut, need a slug like…
END DRUG FANTASY SEQUENCE.

p.60 Pike’s Peak.
Kari hurries out of the frat lot. On foot? On Sara’s Vespa?

p.65. Is Dunhill a Police Officer?

p.67. The sniper in the red baseball cap, HOWIE VON KIPPER,
22, exits his room. He and Zack nod to each other.

p.68 ADMITTING NURSE.

p.69. How do we know there’s a bug in the BMW? Need a quick scene at top of 68.

Why is Kari posing as a nurse? Did the Admitting Nurse say no admittance?

p.70 Kari is NOT “nurse” in the dialogue.

p.71. Love the kiss & cuffs to kick off Act III!

p.73 VERY OLD MAN on first appearance.

p.89. suggest you slug this INT. GIANT SCIENCE LAB – NIGHT

p, 97 Seven bad guys sit on what? There are no seats.

p.99 A growling gator? That’s a first. What about hissing?

p.101 Tighten. plane to yaw.

Martin falls to the cabin floor.

p.103. Mandy pulls back on the control yoke as she advances
the throttle.
Parachutes erupt but never eject. [And how can the chute fly out the open door
after it’s fallen to the back of the plane—unless the plane has more than one engine, In which case a single throttle does not control both engines.]

107. They gently float down…at about 100 mph. 3 people on a single chute! Broken bones ahoy!

110. Boss puts his teeth on Jay’s throat.

111. What happened to FADE TO BLACK and THE END?

Ivan looks at the camera? Direction. And broken 4th wall for the first time.

Basically the airplane set piece needs to have a)a general aircraft decided upon as suitable, with its general characteristics specified (e.g., high wing, two engines, etc.); then b)simplify the action in the plane to simple results (e.g., cage pops open & gator gets Howie), then let the stunt director put the pieces together.
 
3 out of 3 people found the following review helpful:

MIXED GENRE GEM

Overall Recommendation:
5 stars
 
Premise:
5 stars
 
Story structure:
5 stars
 
Character:
4 stars
 
Dialogue:
5 stars
 
Emotion:
4 stars
 
May 05, 2011
Thrillomedy, actionomedy, thrillactomedy, mystomedy… What ever you want to call this mixed genre screenplay, Frame-up is damned funny and a page turner—great fun to read.

Mixed genre stories can be a trial to write, it takes a steady hand to mix the genres evenly, and Taylor Carmichael does an outstanding job mixing laughs with tension. The scenes jumped off the page, the same way they will jump off the screen—this screenplay should and, I predict, will be made into a movie.

The writer kept me enthralled; there was never a dull moment. I liked the gutsy young heroine, Kari, and how she handled the conflicts that she faced at every turn—and this story took her down one-hell-of-a twisted path. Talk about put your protagonist up a tree and throw rocks at her: She wakes up with a dead guy she doesn’t know, holding a bloody knife, then finds out she’s been poisoned, the cops are after her, a bunch of killer bad guys are on her trail, and they’ve kidnapped her brother, whom she has to rescue. That’s a tall job for any college girl.

I think this screenplay needs one more polish, I agree with Richard Taylor, there are spots it could be grittier, and there are a few typos and omissions. But all and all, this one is a winner.

Wally Lane
 
1 out of 2 people found the following review helpful:

Fast forward action! It's great because breathing is boring!

Overall Recommendation:
4 stars
 
Premise:
5 stars
 
Story structure:
4 stars
 
Character:
4 stars
 
Dialogue:
5 stars
 
Emotion:
3 stars
 
April 30, 2011
Hey Taylor,

I read your script FRAME-UP in two sessions. It’s a well written entertaining story with articulate straightforward dialogues. I had fun reading it and two sessions are very fast for me.

I like the opening act best because it’s got great flow and puts you right into the story. Without time for taking a breath the story takes you on a ride.

The biggest intensity lies in the superb written dialogues. You’ve got real good instinct to let it rock between the lines on a sarcastic way.

I have some constructive thoughts too:

The poisoning of Kari. It’s an interesting point in the story that’s got a raw deal. She’s afraid to die but I don’t remember any symptoms of the poisoning. It would be thrilling, if Kari would have to fight more against the poison in her body. If it weakened her in moments she should rather run. Maybe this part could even help to get more closer to Kari. All in all, I liked her, because she is a great funny character. But sometimes, I didn’t get a take on her. Sometimes, she is very tough, jumping in pools from the 3rd floor and making sarcastic comments when a guy is shot right before her. And sometimes, she’s like a hysterical girl that has to be sheltered. With the symptoms of the poison and her dealing with it, you could create even more intimacy between her and the reader and give her a straighter line.

The almost-sex-scene when Kari and Jay are kidnapped is cool. But the non-reaction of Howie is even cooler. ;)) For him, it must be the most normal thing in the world that they want to have sex in their cell. If I were him, I maybe would say: “Well, you’re getting comfortable? Rather get your cloths on, you freaks!”

All in all, I had great fun reading your script and it was a great action entertainment.
 
1 out of 2 people found the following review helpful:

FRAME-UP review

Overall Recommendation:
4 stars
 
Premise:
4 stars
 
Story structure:
4 stars
 
Character:
3 stars
 
Dialogue:
4 stars
 
Emotion:
3 stars
 
April 04, 2011
Overall, this was a fast and entertaining read. The writer does not waste time on being descriptive. Many will argue that a screenplay is supposed to represent a sort of blue print and a writer should leave the details up to the filmmakers - this is such a script. It leave lots of room in terms of casting and visualization. From a director's perspective this may be perfect. From an agent's perspective however this may be the opposite. From my own (admittedly limited) experience with some agents and producer's, it was always expected of the writer to elaborate on characterization in order to make the role juicy. My point is, even though FRAME-UP is very well written, the lack of character description left me personally a bit unsatisfied and I'm guessing this may be the case with many agents that are approached by producer's in order to get a name attached. I can't see any name actor's lining up for any of FRAME-Up's main characters. Not only is there an overall lack of depth but, from a feminine perspective, I would not care to take on a role like Kari's. It takes her about 25 pages to show the beginnings of what kind of character she is and it's a rather stereotypical one. She doesn't have to be a hero or be super smart or anything like that from the get-go but as of now, she's rather one-dimensional and predictable. The little bit of character she displays is, in my view, rather unbelievable. She just woke up next to a guy with blood everywhere. Next, another guy gets shot right in front of her and her reaction is actual sarcastic frustration. It's humorous, but in order to make that believable, her character needs to be drawn much clearer. Maybe she's still a bit drugged or she's a horror flick fanatic, so gore doesn't get to her.... that type of thing. It feels like a generic sense of humor was slapped on a plain character.
There were times when there was also a lack of action description while in many other areas the banter goes on for a bit longer than necessary. I feel that the first act alone could be cut by at least 7 pages and no information would be lost. Throughout the entire script, it feels like there is a general lack of story content and too much is more or less filler material (although entertaining!).
I think this writer can do even better! FRAME-UP has great potential. Cut back and dig deep.

Best of luck!
 
1 out of 2 people found the following review helpful:

Hitchcock's Flamingo Dream

Overall Recommendation:
5 stars
 
Premise:
5 stars
 
Story structure:
5 stars
 
Character:
5 stars
 
Dialogue:
5 stars
 
Emotion:
5 stars
 
April 03, 2011
I enjoyed your movie. I liked the on-going interlude between Kari and Ivan.
Your film certainly conveyed fear, empathy, and anxiety a classic Hitchcock trait.
I will go see this movie after it gets produced. Great work Taylor.
 
2 out of 3 people found the following review helpful:

Can't wait to see this in a theater!

Overall Recommendation:
5 stars
 
Premise:
5 stars
 
Story structure:
5 stars
 
Character:
4 stars
 
Dialogue:
5 stars
 
Emotion:
4 stars
 
April 02, 2011
This is an exciting film, that has that true-story feel to it. I couldn't put the script down once I started it. Each event is plausible, and pulls you along into the next situation. You can't help but get caught up in the protagonist's plight, and struggle with her. This has a definite Hollywood feel, and I'd love to see it in a theater.
 
1 out of 2 people found the following review helpful:

Great fun, with a couple minor flaws

Overall Recommendation:
4 stars
 
Premise:
4 stars
 
Story structure:
4 stars
 
Character:
5 stars
 
Dialogue:
5 stars
 
Emotion:
4 stars
 
March 29, 2011
Review of “Frame Up.”
Nit picky stuff first.

Pg 25:
“KARI
Are you dead? Oh great, another one. Great!”

It’s a bit too flippant considering someone just got shot in front of her. I think a bit more fear first, then sarcasm. It is a cute line though.

***************
Pg 95:

"Kari looks at Jay. He nods. She drinks.
Chuck runs up. Martin talks him. "

Missing the “to” in Martin talks (to) him.

***************

Pg 99:
“Martin sits in the co-pilot’s seat next to Bristol.

MARTIN
I’m sorry you don’t have a co-pilot.”

A little too thoughtful for the bad guy to observe. I would think of a way to rework the line since it is to foreshadow her being shot and no one else able to fly, maybe make it more of an accusation. Or a question,
MARTIN
No copilot?

BRISTOL
No time.

***************

My biggest problem with this otherwise well written action adventure is that the FBI agent takes the woman he is supposed to protect chasing after the bad guys. It needs to come off as more imperative that they go after them right then. I think a line or two might work, telling us that they are just keeping them in sight until help arrives or something to that effect.

Otherwise, great fun read. Good luck with it!
 

Reviews for