Overall Recommendation:
4.7 stars
(7)
5 Stars:
71.43%
(5)
 
4 Stars:
28.57%
(2)
 
3 Stars:
0%
(0)
 
2 Stars:
0%
(0)
 
1 Stars:
0%
(0)
 
Premise:
4.1 stars
(7)
 
Story structure:
4.9 stars
(7)
 
Character:
4.7 stars
(7)
 
Dialogue:
5.0 stars
(7)
 
Emotion:
4.3 stars
(7)
 
 
1-7 of 7 reviews
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2 out of 3 people found the following review helpful:

This rocks. Also, rolls.

Overall Recommendation:
4 stars
 
Premise:
3 stars
 
Story structure:
5 stars
 
Character:
4 stars
 
Dialogue:
5 stars
 
Emotion:
5 stars
 
March 30, 2011
A big part of me, the audience part, wants to just say, 'Great movie!' and be done with it. This one ticks all the boxes of the genre - PIRANHA on ice. I loved reading this script - and, believe me, that's rare enough. It's formulaic enough to make me think I know what's going to happen next, and clever enough to undercut those expectations in truly satisfying ways:

The annihilation of the dog pack.
You kept killing characters we thought were untouchable.
You killed Falls, you fierce git! At once gruesome and heart-breaking.
The toothpaste tube bus scene. Holy horse nuts!

More importantly, your comic timing is excellent; you know just when we need a break from the horror, just when we need to be set up for the next appalling surprise. If they'd let me give six stars for emotion, you'd have 'em.

But there's another part of me: the part that wants the ending to be a bit more satisfying. It works, okay, but okay won't wow Warner. (By the way, I'm not talking about the closing scene, which is perfect, just the death of the creature).

The environmental subtext of the story needs a bigger payoff. Blowing off the monster's head with a big-ass gun and then torching the corpse - with the very substance most responsible for global warming - is too easy, on the one hand, and a kind of reverse irony that misses a real opportunity.

Planting some stronger speculation about the creature's origins or nature - probably from Jonas, before you off the poor git - could give a clue as to how it might be stopped. That 'how' should be something less obvious than fire power, and something with a hint (at least) of poetic justice. Without offering a specific suggestion, I think the creature should be ultimately 'recycled.'

Worst line ever: 'Killing it would be tantamount to extermination.' Along with the mysteriously growing glacier, this feels like a set-up for a sequel. But it also burdens the ending even more, because exterminating an entire species is yet another human sin. You don't want us feeling sorry for this killing machine. Removing it from the planet needs to feel like putting things right.

You're so close to perfection, here, that I think it's worth the effort. Wow Warner. There's no reason we shouldn't all see your name in lights, and soon.
 
1 out of 2 people found the following review helpful:

Glacier (v.2) (pdf)

Overall Recommendation:
5 stars
 
Premise:
4 stars
 
Story structure:
5 stars
 
Character:
5 stars
 
Dialogue:
5 stars
 
Emotion:
4 stars
 
March 28, 2011
Hey Carl.

I imagine that if someone starts making your movies, critics may discuss your “bigfoot period.” This reminded me of another script of yours, SILVER LINING, so, I hope that a lot of what I have to say doesn't sound too redundant.

Regarding Amazon Studios, I'm concerned that the “bigfoot theme” could be something of a handicap, because I can't think of any box office hits that explored it. Off the top of my head, I thought about HARRY AND THE HENDERSONS and Box Office Mojo showed that it grossed just under 50 million, foreign and domestic.

Given the wording in the Amazon Studios contract, I think it's a good idea to focus on antecedents which pass 60 million dollars at the box office.

Granted, that's a simplistic argument, but I imagine that the arguments judges have are broken down into simple terms—with box office history being the ultimate tie-breaker.

Enough dreary crap about concept—let's move on to execution.

I imagine that a reader for a production company might read this and I imagine that the most likely conclusion would be to pass, based on concept, but to consider the writer for any future projects because it's clear that this is well-written.

I had a few LOL moments with the clever dialogue, like Husker's admonitions about acronyms to his daughter, and I was impressed and amused with Jonas's technobabble.

The most haunting aspects explored were the themes, which ring true regarding man's rape of the environment. It's difficult to touch upon those in a comedy, but these moments shined and represent the work of a conscientious wordsmith.

And, like my notes for SILVER LINING, my concern again is that the collision of a sobering theme (rape of the environment, like what was explored in DELIVERANCE) wed with this blend of horror and comedy, is too frivolous for my taste. I'd love to see the marriage of this icon explored like it was in THE LEGEND OF BOGGY CREEK.

And I think something is here—this is very close.

As far as this story goes—given my concerns fall within the realm of concept and theme (one not the best delivery device for the other), as opposed to character, story structure, scene execution, or voice, I think that tweaking it anymore would not be time well spent. This is a high-polished, fun script which I could see getting some traction at Amazon Studios as is, especially if someone argues that the real antecedents for this lie in it's beautiful setting, like the remake of THE THING or 30 DAYS OF NIGHT.

READING NOTES:

p18 Nice (V.O.) transition with Husker after visual exposition of the creature

p25 Town leaders—tourism concerns—greed--adds to JAWS vibe

p62 Nice bit of technobabble from Jonas

RANDOM OBSERVATION—thought of some other movies that this reminds me of in terms of characters and setting—JAWS, ALIEN (monster description), THE THING, 30 DAYS OF NIGHT

p90 Cute/poignant death scene for Deputy Falls

p92 Cute bit with timber truck killing the mayor, set up well

Best wishes,
Paul
 
1 out of 2 people found the following review helpful:

Glacier says this story is stark and cold, maybe something a little more creative to draw me in

Overall Recommendation:
5 stars
 
Premise:
5 stars
 
Story structure:
5 stars
 
Character:
5 stars
 
Dialogue:
5 stars
 
Emotion:
5 stars
 
March 27, 2011
Glacier is one of those rare surprises I always look forward to finding but seldom do—a truly good read. I was immediately sucked into the bucolic setting, small town Alaska, in the middle of nowhere, populated by small town folks, most of which had little or no clue as to what was about to befall them. Perfect set up, remember Jaws??? What I didn’t expect, was that Glacier, the-screenplay, was blessed with (yes, I said blessed) a “dissociative identity disorder” a split personality. Here I was buying into this horror story set in Alaska—Jaws of the North and to my surprise discovered it was also a comedy—not just any comedy. No! an over the top comedy that is tailor-made for the likes of Will Ferrell and/or John C Reilly. I would pay to see it.

Carl, the writer/creator, has done a great job of spinning an exciting tale and populating it with 3 dimensional and quite believable characters. Having spent a part of my life in “small-town USA,” I have met and known folks like the characters that populate Glacier Cove, Alaska. But the crown jewel of this and every other good horror story is the “Monster” the character that makes you squeal like a little girl and hide your eyes. And Carl’s monster is great. Its part insect, 2 legs and 4 arms (six limbs), and part reptile, with maybe a little bit of Homo erectus stirred in to complete the totally repulsive and terrifying brew! A creature that can regenerate damaged tissue, which makes it damned near impossible to kill! And when you do gravely injure it comes back bigger and meaner than before. Now tell me this doesn’t have the “scare the Bejeezus out of you” qualities it takes to make a first rate horror movie!

Sheriff Husker, the all around good guy, Faith his “can’t-wait-to-grow-up” daughter, Husker’s faithful sidekick Deputy Bill Falls, and “Park Ranger/save the earth” Maggie—Husker’s almost girl friend, make up the cadre or core of “good-guys”. While mayor Haarland and the City council, the movers and shakers of Glacier Cove, lead the greedy, “Don’t-give-a-shit-about-anybody-else,” not so good guys, who are continually screwing things up! These two groups, along with other town folk strive to solve the monster problem before it devours the entire populace of Glacier Cove and their pets. Their bumbling and mostly feeble attempts, to kill the monster, make money off the monster, and to keep from being devoured by the monster, lead to a great comedic, albeit gory and horrific at times, read.

Carl, like all of us, has a tendency to rush to the ending. We write for hours and days on end as we layout our story. So, when the end is finally in sight, we pick up the pace. No, really, we start to write or type faster. Everything speeds up. Hence, the last pages, most of act 3, ends up with omissions, typos, and grammatical errors, that aren’t as prevalent in act 1. So, Carl, you have a great story, a story that could be a 5 star story—should be a 5 star story, is a 5 star story. All it needs is a polish before you send it out.
 
2 out of 3 people found the following review helpful:

I hate to gush, but...

Overall Recommendation:
5 stars
 
Premise:
5 stars
 
Story structure:
5 stars
 
Character:
5 stars
 
Dialogue:
5 stars
 
Emotion:
5 stars
 
March 26, 2011
This is clearly a Michael Bay tentpole picture. Or Goldman was right about nobody knowin’ nuthin.

My notes below were earnestly compiled while I sought to discover all the dimensions of a serious attempt at the horror genre. I was repeatedly interrupted by someone seized with maniacal laughter. After a while, I realized it was me.

Right off the bat, I’m thinking serious while literally smiling at how this story immediately sucks me in. How cleanly, effortlessly the story introduces characters, setting and implied relationships. The crisp opening descriptions—from a tourist POV--are natural as a fairy tale, leading us innocently into the Once Upon A Time land of this story. Including an early tease on the monster in floating ice as a “barely discernible humanoid THING.” Very early, but effectively setting me up to want to see/know more.

But not a moment’s escape from human conflict, at various levels, even amid such glorious scenery. Loved the Maggie/Bert real-world back&forth and how that was played. (And respected the fact you spelled “doughnuts” instead of the shorthand I often use to save line space.) More smiles at the Deputy’s wet spot on the neat uniform and symbolic subtext that human authority may be less in control than it thinks.

And conflict with nature, too. Human nature in the teen lovers, of course. Joey’s eager b.s. at arousal and how Faith “tags him out.” Witty narrative. And immediately the human/bear confrontation pace change reminds we’re not in Central Park, NYC.

Husker’s immediate rescue and wise restraint in shooting establish him as our hero (if his initial description—“ ruggedly handsome”—did not). With tree-cutting and other human footprints around, we’re all set up. But I still haven’t got it.

Comments enroute…BEFORE I caught on to this masterpiece. As you'll see, they're naive and mostly catching some typos...

p.2 A nit not worth picking? Seems the snow cones as product names would now be proper nouns: Glacial Grape, etc.

p.5 Piper Cub. Aviation experience makes we wonder if it’s actually a Super Cub (more the bush level of moxie, possibly festooned with “hundred-mile-an-hour duct tape covering gaps) and whether it has wheels or floats (being near the wharf). The barrel roll would be noteworthy in any case. I’ll read on and see if this note even matters.

p.6. “…holds the frozen thing.” Thing, since it was earlier character-intro’d ALL CAPS.

Same. Husker’s VO on the Glacial Bay Fisherman Joe scene is quite short, continued in the establishing shot following and into the Sheriff’s Station—which continues for 2 pp.
VO (“hungry”) is nice a nice bit of subtext (if it pays off) but maybe forgettable after the intervening pages. Needs a longer piece of Fisherman Joe OR the Glacier Bay view is out the window of the Sheriff’s office OR some other solution, like an INTERCUT between the two or as they progress. Or whatever will make the fishing boat—already near the monster’s ice when we first see Joe “points it out”—building in immediacy.

Same. Loved Peg’s procto-comment: comic play in the midst of growing danger the audience knows is what they’ve come to see—and already had a hint of with the initial floating ice block on p. 2.

p.7 Nice spiteful expo from Faith on dad’s empty bed. Sounds like she states the theme on the next page. Or did I miss it earlier?

p.8. Like Capt. Walker’s exclamation, “What in the seventh sea?” Far from cliché and with a ring of nautical authenticity.

Same. That Deputy sure has a bladder deal going. Headed for Mayberry RFD, but I’m hoping for a strong, redeeming arc later.

P10. “…puth this ice on ice…” Love the subtle shades of humor, sort of like an edge light to the main horror 5K. Played straight but still ironic for the attentive audience.

P11. The cop radio FUZZLES. Nice neologism. Both descriptive and a comic heart.

Same. That drarned deputy! Then back to the serious Dad-Daughter talk.

P12. “A huge ice maker stands on top has a chute leading to the ice house roof.” Something’s missing there—a comma or different syntax. I don’t get it now.

Same “…pounds of crushed ice blast down down the chute…” Subject is “pounds;” a plural; “ice,” though a noun, is part of a modifier saying pounds of what; at least that’s how my English teacher had us diagram it. On the other hand, will anyone notice this?

p.13. This description is like the real thing, a hominid of some kind that used to make the rounds of carnivals. Some said the original rotted away and the promoters re-made the form and put it in plastic then iced it up. Pictures of the thing—the distorted vision—always made ME shiver.

Same. Story’s shaping up as JAWS IN A GLACIER, what with the Mayor’s greedy smile and the divvying-up of local interests. Though at this point the interest is NOT sinister, the opposite of JAWS. “I could open a second shanty.” I’m smiling just re-typing Grady’s line here.

Same. Who is Fisherman One? Joe?

p.15. Like the “lip service” pointing to intimacy later. I hope.

p.16. Maggie’s “Roger dodger” is the best kind of subtext that says so much more that eludes verbalization. So why am I trying here? Because I like it.

p.17. Book title: the series go: IDIOT’S GUIDE TO YADA or YADA YADA FOR DUMMIES.

Same. “…the Thing inside.”

Same “…as its huge shadow…”
p.17 cont’d. :Guns & More Guns Magazine. It just hit me that GLACIER—with all this comic backround—may turn out to be to horror flicks what STRIPES is to military procedurals: a romp?

p.20. FUZZLES in caps? (sound cue laid in).

p.21 “…littered with…the 105mm rifle.” Does that mean the recoilless is just laying around on the ground. Sounds a bit off-hand for a tool of avalanche protection. Might have thought a place of honor or such; the rounds certainly would be kept secure..

p.25. “all-but-dies” OR “all but dies.”

Same. Husker undoubtedly already KNOWS Deirdre owns the steak house and Reuben owns the hotel. Is there another way to get at this incidental exposition? OR is it part of the put-on of the genre?

p.30. Need a clever director to pull off: “…claws rip through fur and bone. Dogs die.”
Should be “Its claws…”

p.33 “…and bring her to the station?” needs question mark.

p.39. Hunter GROUP THREE: LOL!!!

Same. “Group Three brings…” American vs. UK English. They break groups into plural membership; we say one group is one.

p.41. Wow. This monster gets more unique by the second!

p.44 “…impact as the pick up runs a stop sign…”
Same “The pick-up hits the totem pole…”

p.46. “Joey brings in tea tray.” Wow, talk about unpredictable arcs!

p.48. LADY IN CURLERS—LOL, again. And spattering the garden gnome!

p.52 “…hospital gown down it with...” Lose the it.

p.56. FUZZLES in caps? (sound cue laid in).

p.58’ “it CAME from the creature.” Missing word.

p.60 LOL!! Shoot Sheriff/Deputy lines.

p.62. Helluva mid-point.

p.63. Comma between “Moby Dick” and “right?”

p.68. A “Piper Cub” that can barrel-roll flies 4? Hyperbole?

p.73. How can Husker stand on the wreckage?

Same. Husker in ice—this is better than carbonite!

p.74. “Husker rages even more until his eyes roll into his head as he goes silent. “ How can we see this? Husker’s inside.

p.75 Deputy redeemed! But we still have Act III… Oh, and he SCRAMBLES in.

p.76. LOL (again, dammit) “No, I mean, my daughter, Faith.”

p.78. Just keep to the plan to the north road to the State Police outpost.” How about—since it’s clear what the travel plan is, “Just keep to the north road to the State Police outpost.”

p.82. :”Its fangs longer.”

p.85. “We’ve have to evacuate!”

Same. Maybe the Tourist could be a cameo by one of the Jersey Shore crowd?

p.91. Should be… “The Mayor runs. Reuben’s frozen body, still aiming his rifle, blocks the way.”

p.92. Mayor flips off the monster. LOL. BTW, this monster is a character, so shouldn’t be Monster throughout? I wasn’t paying attention, laughing too hard, sorry.

Same. Lose the comma in “Anotklosh, calms passengers.”

p.93 Shoiuld be “SWATS the rear of the vehicle.”

Same. “its arms out.”

p.94. Lose the S on “Passengers cheers.”

p.96/ “A couple of Passengers help”

p.97 “frosty breath but its eyes are closed”

p.98. “and Joey all breathe heavy.”
p. 101; Its head, shoulders and upper arms are missing. Gore spews from its blasted torso.

p.102 Should be “Eyes tearing.”

Okay, so before I realized, yes, this is the best comic send-up I’d seen, EVER, when I still thought it was serious, I wrote the following.
“Overall: Instead of being ominous, the title seems sedate, noble, arms-length, which initially strikes me as leaving something on the table, audience-wise. GLACIER says, cold, lingering, ancient, even secrets, but also slow. Say a studio buys this project and produces it respectful of all it offers (an unheard-of notion, but go with my premise).. Do they keep GLACIER as the handle? Do they go for more genre appeal (yeah, that can = corny)? Or do they give a nod to Blake Snyder; as he says of titles, “If it doesn’t pass the Say What It Is Test, you don’t have your title. And you don’t have the one-two punch that makes a great logline.” In this case, no complaint against the logline, but this title is no SISTERS IN STEEL. Am I too picky? Just saying.”

But now that I’ve caught on,, as for the paragraph above, “Never mind.”

Who knows? Joel McHale might be available for the lead, Husker.
 
1 out of 2 people found the following review helpful:

Ice, Ice, Baby

Overall Recommendation:
5 stars
 
Premise:
4 stars
 
Story structure:
5 stars
 
Character:
5 stars
 
Dialogue:
5 stars
 
Emotion:
4 stars
 
March 21, 2011
Just a really fun B movie. I love your tone. It's Jaws in the Snow. Alien in the Arctic. Very likable characters. You created a very quirky community and then brought in the beast. And very nice use of humor to play off the horror, which I find very effective.

I don't think your title captures all the excitement in this story. It's not a bad title, just not a very good one. Glacier sounds icy and exotic. (And slow moving). I don't know, I wasn't in any hurry to enter the "Glacier." Your screenplay is definitely more thrilling than your title.

Ice
Out of the Ice
The Frozen

I really liked Husker and Faith. Really great characters and you captured their dynamic very well. OMFG. Hey, watch the acronyms. WTF, Dad. It would be funny if he said, "Hey, watch the F." And then she said, "F, F, F, F, F, F, F." You could even come back to that later in the story, when Husker gets in trouble he could go, "F, F, F, F, F, F, F!"

I like how you're keeping this PG-13, and yet it's pretty horrifying, too. Good job. They could go R, depending on how gory they wanted to make it.

Reminds me of Jaws, Aliens, Tremors, Eight-Legged Freaks. It was fun to be in an exotic location.

"I can do this! I got half my required my hours." I love that bit. Awesome.

A bad scene for me was the Starbucks scene with the Mayor. It was just a bit too greedy and on the nose. Might want to tone it down. I don't know how many scenes ended with chain saws in the distance but it seemed like a lot of them. I think the environmental angle is a nice touch, just want to make more subtle.

The scenes that worked for me was the town hall meeting (where the people were worried about their business) and the street mob that wanted to save the monster. I actually thought that was a nice touch because it was half-greed, half-"save the whales". And the sheriff was like, no, I want to kill it.

I loved the sheriff in his hospital robes with his gun. Great visual touch.

"The ice spirit is angry."

"Last year the tree spirt was angry. Year before that was the water spirit." LOL.

I liked the bit where the sheriff was describing how a bear eats people to the school kids. Funny. I think you can even go a little more graphic with that.

One thing, it's a very small town and everybody knows everybody. They would use names, not say "the pharmacist". You do that in a couple of places.

You might build up suspense a little more before the creature attacks in the early scenes. Maybe he's stalking somebody. Kid on ice skates, whatever. And the kid skates away. Tease us a bit more. Right now it's litter and die. Maybe somebody escapes the monster and then he runs out onto thin ice, it cracks, and he dies that way. Try to surprise us a bit.

I like your scientific discussion a lot. Both the discussion of the glacier by Maggie and the nerd's discussion of creatures that freeze. Very believable.

Scene with Curly and the dogs vs monster is awesome.

I love how the deputy talks on the radio. Tango. Out.

"Iron bars can't come between love."

The plane rescue/capture of Husker is way cool. Turning him into an icicle. Now I'm really flipping pages fast.

I love Ethel. Funny. Don't mess with the deputy. Awesome.

The bus death with all the people on board was a nasty surprise. Wow.

I think you need to rewrite the final conflict between the Mayor and the Sheriff (p 85-87). It's a bit heavy-handed right now. Ditto with the not-stopping logging truck.

Deputy's death is moving. You really kill off a lot of characters and we feel it. Good work.

I dig the bus chase with the monster.

Did not like the moose getting smacked over a house.

Maggie whispering in Husker's ear is silly but I like it anyway. Sex inspires him to live.

Final conflict with monster is really cool. Did you show us the big gun earlier in the story? Might want to set that up a little.

Interesting ending with the glacier covering the town. You set that up with characters asking, "Is the glacier getting bigger?" I think that's an interesting and provocative ending. Need to tweak your environmental themes a bit. But I like how you are tying this to bigger themes. Nice.
 
3 out of 4 people found the following review helpful:

Very well done, well written and believable.

Overall Recommendation:
5 stars
 
Premise:
4 stars
 
Story structure:
5 stars
 
Character:
5 stars
 
Dialogue:
5 stars
 
Emotion:
4 stars
 
March 20, 2011
Finally a script that have the perfect formatting! Yeaaa! The characters are all very original and likable. Husker and Maggie had just the perfect dose of romance for that kind of movie. The idea is original, you definitely know your monster and character. The dialogues are very interesting, definitely not boring. Like the way Bert always reproaches Maggie that she doesn’t stick to the script and the way she always tries to plug her cause. Also the way Husker always reproaches the acronyms that Faith makes (even when they fight against the creature). It made me smile a few times. I took a few notes and I hope they will be helpful but overall, nicely done!

There’s so much character that it’s getting confusing sometimes. I was able to see clear through it only around page 54. Otherwise I always had to go back and see who is that person. (Beside Husker, Bert, Maggie and Faith)

p.37 I would have liked to know what faith wrote to Joey. Even if we doubt what it was about, reading it would make it more visual and add more drama.

P.40 Key ring on the wall? I thought this one was too easy and I’m pretty sure this isn’t done anymore.

Sometimes (but rarely gotta say it) in you sentence, there were useless words that heavies the story. For example : P.46 Jonas arrives on scene. Cell phone in hand. No need to mention on scene. Just Jonas arrives, cell phone in hand. Is perfect.

I am wondering, what was that chain-saw sound that you kept mentioning; it seems that there was no explanation for this. If it was just an ambient sound, maybe you should mention it with other sound so that we understand it’s not something special that we will find out what it really is in the end.

P.56 Husker was getting really annoying with his uniform. I think his main concerns should be the beast and not what he’s wearing. I’m glad though that you didn’t add a scene where he actually puts back his uniform on (that would definitely be too much) But maybe at the hospital he can steel something else than a hospital gown and let go of his uniform?

I liked the mayor’s little crusade to capture the creature instead of killing it. It’s believable and usually in that kind of movie it’s all about killing the monster, good point you’ve got something different to offer.

In the beginning, Maggie’s personality was really strong about being an environmentalist and I thought that this part of her was fading through the story.

I thought that the monster’s story was exploited to the maximum but some other sideline stories weren’t. I think you’ve done your job on the main story, now work on the others. Push them to their maximum to give your movie all of the expansion it can have. For example:

I would have liked to see the feud between Husker and Joey get to another level in the beginning of the movie so that in the middle it adds a little something as they have to be together and that in the end he realises that Joey is a good guy. I think that this kind of add to your screenplay would definitely raise it to another level.
 
2 out of 3 people found the following review helpful:

Highly entertaining

Overall Recommendation:
4 stars
 
Premise:
4 stars
 
Story structure:
4 stars
 
Character:
4 stars
 
Dialogue:
5 stars
 
Emotion:
3 stars
 
March 18, 2011
This was a highly enjoyable read. I'm hoping/assuming your aim was to make this a sort of B-movie horror type, and if that's the case, you were completely successful. The premise is average, nothing too great, but this is standard SyFy Channel entertainment, or dare I say, Snakes on a Plane? It has that kind of potential.

The characters are likable and fun, if not the standard archetypes which is what you'd expect from a monster movie. At no point did I find the characters to be boring, or even stereotypical because the script reads like it should. That's a very powerful element.

Excessive gore and violence was great - something a few horror directors today could learn from. I can see some stomach churning in the theater but for the most part this strikes me as a comedy/horror ala The Host. The only beef I have is that at times the monster's schematics seem a bit iffy, considering what he's actually doing (picking up a plane), but that's nothing really to complain about as it's a monster flick which doesn't always have to make sense, especially when it's as comical as this is.

The strongest aspect was the dialogue. There were some generally funny moments, and I'm not a person who laughs out loud when reading but when the yokel says "Call the Hist'ry Channel" I roared. Great line. It's the same stupid thing a dumb redneck from Arkansas would say.

I have no real complaints except for one bit of direction that I felt was a bit out of place. As the group leaves the hospital, Husker in gown, Faith makes a quip, and everyone laughs. It's small, but for some reason, that just doesn't fit to me. The joke is fine, but the way we have everyone share a laugh, lessens the dramatic element, the feeling of urgency. Of course, that's a major theme throughout the story, the lack of urgency that comes from this type of catastrophe, but nevertheless I felt it was a bit off.

Emotionally it had about as much emotion as a movie like this can have. The relationship between the Deputy and Husker was built up nicely, so the finale was more impacting. Joey felt a little stationary, but as he should be. Maggie and Huskers budding affection was believable for awhile, but the way they curt around it was a bit underdeveloped, but that's easily fixed with a line or two of snappy dialogue.

It runs a tad longer than I thought it would, but I felt overall this script was engaging and extremely enjoyable to read. It flows smoothly and it doesn't for one second pretend to be something it's not. It's entertainment, fluff if you will, of the highest grade. Very good job, I enjoyed it tremendously.

Tim
 

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