Overall Recommendation:
4.0 stars
(1)
5 Stars:
0%
(0)
 
4 Stars:
100.0%
(1)
 
3 Stars:
0%
(0)
 
2 Stars:
0%
(0)
 
1 Stars:
0%
(0)
 
Premise:
4.0 stars
(1)
 
Story structure:
3.0 stars
(1)
 
Character:
4.0 stars
(1)
 
Dialogue:
4.0 stars
(1)
 
Emotion:
4.0 stars
(1)
 
 
1-1 of 1 review
Sort: Newest | Most helpful
1 out of 2 people found the following review helpful:

Cool Monster Story

Overall Recommendation:
4 stars
 
Premise:
4 stars
 
Story structure:
3 stars
 
Character:
4 stars
 
Dialogue:
4 stars
 
Emotion:
4 stars
 
May 08, 2011
Carl, in reading this my impression is that it could use a little tighter focus on the storyline. The lead character is Husker Locke, the primary storyline is about the monster, and there are subplots about his daughter , his fights with the mayor over preserving the environment, and his relationship with Maggie. Yet, you do not open on Husker- the first scene focuses on Maggie and Bert on a tour boat. Husker makes his first appearance on p4, with Curly using a recoilless rifle on a snow covered slope. I think it would be better if you open the script on one of the subplots, perhaps Husker fighting with the mayor, and then get to the first appearance of the monster as soon as possible.

As written, this would not be a cheap film to produce. In my limited contact with producers, I have been told that audiences want to follow one character throughout a film, and that the lead character should be on almost every page (anything else causes trouble with stars). I think a star would be necessary to get financing.

This is a unique take on monster movies, and it could be a fun movie. With the global warming message, this is timely, and it could find favor in Hollywood.

A few notes.

p6 Peg talks about her proctologist. IIRC, a proctologist works on prostate glands, which I believe women don't have. Kind of through me for a loop, reading it.

p12 "Watch your acronyms." Funny.

p17 DUMMIES GUIDE TO PARENTING. lol.

p18 Monster growls. Maybe you could get to this scene a little faster? It seems like we're just getting in to the story.

About this point, I started to wonder if you had to name all these characters. A lot of them make one or two appearances. My general feeling is to name only the important characters, use a descriptor for the others. You do this with Mr. and Mrs. Litterbug, and Littering Drunks.

p23 Two Littering Drunks killed. It's like the monster is Captain Planet or something like that.

p30 I think lumberjack is one word.

p31 Sheriff fighting with the Mayor. The plot is like Ibsen's Enemy of The People (or Jaws). I think this scene should come earlier.

p36 The Sheriff locks his daughter in jail. Good lesson on parenting here.

p37. If they were hunting a bear, I would expect more rifles than shotguns.

p48 Mayor wants to "catch it." Good plot development.

p69 I like Tim shoving Deirdre toward the monster. Great fun!

p70 I like the monster coming out of the water to grab Benny's head.

I like the monster freezing people in ice cocoons. Cool.

p88 Deputy breaks off at the knees. Great visual.

p90 Mayor hit by logging truck. That's okay, but I was expecting him to get killed by the monster.

All in all, very well done.
 

Reviews for