Overall Recommendation:
4.8 stars
(4)
5 Stars:
75.0%
(3)
 
4 Stars:
25.0%
(1)
 
3 Stars:
0%
(0)
 
2 Stars:
0%
(0)
 
1 Stars:
0%
(0)
 
Premise:
4.8 stars
(4)
 
Story structure:
4.8 stars
(4)
 
Character:
3.8 stars
(4)
 
Dialogue:
5.0 stars
(4)
 
Emotion:
4.5 stars
(4)
 
 
1-4 of 4 reviews
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0 out of 0 people found the following review helpful:

Through Thirty Pages and...

Overall Recommendation:
4 stars
 
Premise:
4 stars
 
Story structure:
5 stars
 
Character:
2 stars
 
Dialogue:
5 stars
 
Emotion:
4 stars
 
August 17, 2011
...and I can't stop laughing. I like the direction that the story takes, it is certainly an interesting and unique concept. You also have a good grasp of conflict and drama. Some of the best comedies will still have that touch of conflict in it that makes it interesting, culminating in the challenge that Ned become "Youtube Famous" by the end of the summer, or risk losing his apartment. What really makes it interesting is that it is not a usual take on everyday life, as in it doesn't happen often.

One of the few negatives I found, and what kept me from giving you a five-star review, was that I felt the character of Sonesta was unrealistic, especially at the beginning. No girl that I know would allow anybody to talk to them the way Ned talks to Sonesta. She may still care about him a lot, but I feel there would be more realism if perhaps Ned pushes her to her breaking point, and causing her to leave. Now Ned has another goal, earn back Sonesta's love and trust while trying to become Youtube Famous.

Also, I'm not entirely sure what some of the characters have against Cormac. He's letting his brother live in an apartment that he owns for free, yet nobody likes him. Maybe delve into why a bit earlier in the script?

Overall, this script and story are headed in the right direction, you've got a great sense of plot. You just need to inject a bit more believability into your characters and you'll be golden.
 
1 out of 1 people found the following review helpful:

Very funny script

Overall Recommendation:
5 stars
 
Premise:
5 stars
 
Story structure:
5 stars
 
Character:
5 stars
 
Dialogue:
5 stars
 
Emotion:
4 stars
 
August 03, 2011
 
1 out of 2 people found the following review helpful:

A great PG-13 Comedy

Overall Recommendation:
5 stars
 
Premise:
5 stars
 
Story structure:
5 stars
 
Character:
4 stars
 
Dialogue:
5 stars
 
Emotion:
5 stars
 
July 21, 2011
I was so happy to read a script this funny that doesn't have to profane in order to be funny. Some comedies have a curse word in every line. This one doesn't rely on those cheap tricks to be funny. The jokes in this script are well thought out, and many of the jokes relate to popular culture and social media.

This joke is only PG-13 because of some sexual references and some minor curse words.

This is worth a read.
 
1 out of 2 people found the following review helpful:

Laugh Out Loud Funny

Overall Recommendation:
5 stars
 
Premise:
5 stars
 
Story structure:
4 stars
 
Character:
4 stars
 
Dialogue:
5 stars
 
Emotion:
5 stars
 
July 21, 2011
This script is very funny. It's the story of a man who's greatest desire is to be loved by people. He wants so badly to be a YouTube star and it's funny to see the lengths he will go to in order to gain Internet fame.

Even if you don't have the same ambitions (I don't), it is easy to relate to Ned's drive to succeed. The humor is what carries this story.
 

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