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3 out of 4 people found the following review helpful:

minimal changes, same issues remain

Overall Recommendation:
2 stars
 
Premise:
5 stars
 
Story structure:
2 stars
 
Character:
1 stars
 
Dialogue:
2 stars
 
Emotion:
2 stars
 
August 21, 2011
This draft makes only minor changes to the original and fails to address the AS notes.

The plague is still caused by the wolf, and there is no supernatural origin. There is only a suggestion near the end that a supernatural cure will be required, via an unnamed sorcerer in the East.

The doctor (who is now Lavinia’s brother, although this does not affect the plot) still attempts to cure the plague via science (wolf blood and chemicals), but in this version is unsuccessful, so that Lavinia remains infected at the end. This makes the story feel unresolved as Titus goes off with her in search of the sorcerer (and presumably the sequel). The rest of the zombies are defeated militarily – with troops led by Valerius, not Titus -- and without a great deal of effort

Titus and the villains (Quintus and Flavius) are not significantly different from in the original version, and there is no new villain. The original zombie attack against Titus, and all that followed, are simply “mistakes.”

This draft neither adds anything substantial to the original nor solves the problems with the original. In fact, it weakens Titus's role.
 

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