Overall Recommendation:
4.0 stars
(2)
5 Stars:
50.0%
(1)
 
4 Stars:
0%
(0)
 
3 Stars:
50.0%
(1)
 
2 Stars:
0%
(0)
 
1 Stars:
0%
(0)
 
Premise:
5.0 stars
(2)
 
Story structure:
3.5 stars
(2)
 
Character:
3.5 stars
(2)
 
Dialogue:
3.0 stars
(2)
 
Emotion:
3.0 stars
(2)
 
 
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0 out of 2 people found the following review helpful:

Shocking Conclusion!

Overall Recommendation:
5 stars
 
Premise:
5 stars
 
Story structure:
5 stars
 
Character:
5 stars
 
Dialogue:
4 stars
 
Emotion:
4 stars
 
August 27, 2011
I wasn't a big fan of the antidote ending. I love the way Rick has refocused the ending. I must confess that I totally did not see the ending coming. The last 15 minutes are packed with emotion and excitement. This could have been a 45 minute section, but I am glad that it wasn't. It is much better with everything happening so fast.

Plus, there is so much more action in this version compared to his previous version. I would love to see this on the big screen!
 
7 out of 9 people found the following review helpful:

You can do better.

Overall Recommendation:
3 stars
 
Premise:
5 stars
 
Story structure:
2 stars
 
Character:
2 stars
 
Dialogue:
2 stars
 
Emotion:
2 stars
 
August 24, 2011
just pointing out a few things that have to do with style and formatting.

"and then something strange happens." -- you have lines like this throughout. this is an example of telling, not showing. they should be cut. just show us what happens. ie - Zombie Cassius sits up and lunges at Drusis.

"runs away but he knows he needs immediate help or he will bleed to death." -- you don't need to say this. we all know this about a ripped off arm. just tell us what happens. i don't recall if Drusis screamed or went into shock which is a normal reaction to getting your arm ripped off.

you could easily cut out 5 pages by eliminating the "telling" lines and making all action lines "showing".

p. 23 Lavinia says, "So you said you have a son."
p. 24 Lavinia says, "Son? I had no idea."
-- PROOFREAD!!! -- and this was enough to make me stop.
 

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