Overall Recommendation:
3.0 stars
(1)
5 Stars:
0%
(0)
 
4 Stars:
0%
(0)
 
3 Stars:
100.0%
(1)
 
2 Stars:
0%
(0)
 
1 Stars:
0%
(0)
 
Premise:
5.0 stars
(1)
 
Story structure:
2.0 stars
(1)
 
Character:
2.0 stars
(1)
 
Dialogue:
2.0 stars
(1)
 
Emotion:
2.0 stars
(1)
 
 
1-1 of 1 review
Sort: Newest | Most helpful
0 out of 3 people found the following review helpful:

Unexpected Hook

Overall Recommendation:
3 stars
 
Premise:
5 stars
 
Story structure:
2 stars
 
Character:
2 stars
 
Dialogue:
2 stars
 
Emotion:
2 stars
 
September 02, 2011
I decided to do a review of the first five pages of all the scripts, and come back to the script and do a full review if the first five pages made me want to read it. I decided to start with the scripts that had not already received some reviews.

I read the original script and the Amazon Studio Story Department notes and am using my personal interpretation of what they intended only.


First EGAD format fried. RTF is not a screenwriter's friend. That said though, the opening was compelling enough for me to keep going.

Pros: Compelling opening. It's a tad overwritten and the camera directions annoyed me because they were distracting and unneeded, but again, it was compelling.

Cons: The characters and dialog are pretty much unchanged from the original.

Rewrite wise

Pros: Yep, a hook I did not expect to make me want to read more. I was looking for an emotional hook and a tie to the main character, but you sold me on the opening to want to know more.

Cons: Titus is absent and the characters are still flat, outside the knew ones that you created.

But it makes my must read more list. I look forward to seeing where the opening heads.
 

Reviews for