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3 Stars:
100.0%
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Premise:
5.0 stars
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Story structure:
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(1)
 
Character:
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Dialogue:
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0 out of 3 people found the following review helpful:

Not quite, might catch it on the second pass

Overall Recommendation:
3 stars
 
Premise:
5 stars
 
Story structure:
2 stars
 
Character:
2 stars
 
Dialogue:
1 stars
 
Emotion:
1 stars
 
September 03, 2011
I decided to do a review of the first five pages of all the scripts, and come back to the script and do a full review if the first five pages made me want to read it. I decided to start with the scripts that had not already received some reviews.

I read the original script and the Amazon Studio Story Department notes and am using my personal interpretation of what they intended only.


Pros: Characters are fleshed out a bit more with distinct personalities.

Cons: Description and action are too heavy for a screenplay, although well written, it slows the read down way too much. The dialog was a weird mixture of modern and old, both in phrasing and subject. That didn't work for me, but a matter of taste.

Rewrite

Pros: Titus on page one! Other characters a bit more fleshed out, got to the action right away.

Cons: Just not quite enough development of Titus to hook me. There was a great opportunity to reveal something about him with the woman in his bed. Does he kiss her goodbye? Does he throw her money? Give her a "get out" glare? I wanted to care about the hero more.
 

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