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Not Quite

Overall Recommendation:
3 stars
 
Premise:
5 stars
 
Story structure:
2 stars
 
Character:
2 stars
 
Dialogue:
1 stars
 
Emotion:
1 stars
 
September 03, 2011
I decided to do a review of the first five pages of all the scripts, and come back to the script and do a full review if the first five pages made me want to read it. I decided to start with the scripts that had not already received some reviews.

I read the original script and the Amazon Studio Story Department notes and am using my personal interpretation of what they intended only.

Pros: There's a lively style to the writing, a bit of wry humor that calls to adventure. There are some great visual references.

Cons: Some overwriting with too much detail, like a novel. Though delivered with a spoonful of sugar because of the style, it still slows down the read. The dialog is heavy and often there's too much. It tries in places to mimic language of the day, but in others, throws that out entirely... swearing: "Hell" (Even Hades was Greek) "Baby Sitter"

Rewrite wise:

Pros: Opens with action.

Cons: Titus is there, but no more developed than in the previous version.
 

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