Overall Recommendation:
3.0 stars
(1)
5 Stars:
0%
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4 Stars:
0%
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3 Stars:
100.0%
(1)
 
2 Stars:
0%
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1 Stars:
0%
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Premise:
5.0 stars
(1)
 
Story structure:
2.0 stars
(1)
 
Character:
3.0 stars
(1)
 
Dialogue:
2.0 stars
(1)
 
Emotion:
2.0 stars
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2 out of 4 people found the following review helpful:

I'd Read the Script on the Second Round

Overall Recommendation:
3 stars
 
Premise:
5 stars
 
Story structure:
2 stars
 
Character:
3 stars
 
Dialogue:
2 stars
 
Emotion:
2 stars
 
September 03, 2011
I decided to do a review of the first five pages of all the scripts, and come back to the script and do a full review if the first five pages made me want to read it. I decided to start with the scripts that had not already received some reviews.

I read the original script and the Amazon Studio Story Department notes and am using my personal interpretation of what they intended only.

Pros: The slave doesn't speak perfect English. Kudos... that's bothered me on every one. There's some emotion, Cassius is likable and has some dimension. And I like the "killed for a woman" bit.

Cons: Heavy action/description paragraphs really slow down the read. Reads more like a novel than a screenplay and much of the dialog is on-the-nose, though there's some good dialog.

Rewrite:

Pros: Without showing a bunch of backstory you introduced a ton with a single line of dialog. The characters are more developed as well.

Cons: Unless Cassius is the new hero, I'm still missing Titus and a connection to him. Lacks action for an "action" script.
 

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