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3.0 stars
(1)
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4 Stars:
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3 Stars:
100.0%
(1)
 
2 Stars:
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1 Stars:
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Premise:
3.0 stars
(1)
 
Story structure:
3.0 stars
(1)
 
Character:
2.0 stars
(1)
 
Dialogue:
3.0 stars
(1)
 
Emotion:
1.0 stars
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4 out of 4 people found the following review helpful:

Titus: No Blood and Sand

Overall Recommendation:
3 stars
 
Premise:
3 stars
 
Story structure:
3 stars
 
Character:
2 stars
 
Dialogue:
3 stars
 
Emotion:
1 stars
 
September 01, 2011
Glenn I have a really hard time writing short reviews. I want to discuss things like this. I end up writing (As I just did) six pages or more of things I like or don't like with examples and explanations.

I have that available if you'd like. This is the very watered down version.


Zombies-
You made them mystical. Bravo... AS check

You made them bleed sand. Great for PG 13 marketing. Terrible for zombie fans. Trading markets... money wise you win out.

I like that you didn't rush to introduce them. You took some time developing the plot.

Like the original, these are not zombies. They are demon like creatures using human bodies. Zombies are a very specific kind of creature. It's fine the original did it too. It's another marketing thing... zombies has a broad meaning to many people.

Is this a word where supernatural things always happen? If so explain that better or have your characters react more noticeably to the walking dead. Even if it to keep the tone they react in a humorous way.

Action-
Like the original, cartoonish.

Elephants are used way too much. What might be fun and exciting about them will quickly pass if over used. I never liked them to begin with.

The story is very noticeably structured to bring us from one action scene to the next.

Premise-
Because of the title you needed an excuse for zombies to fight gladiators and you found one. There was enough history stuff to show you did some research and name dropping for me to assume the characters know what they are talking about too.

Emotion-
Yup... stuff happened sometimes people got angry. I don't really know what to say beyond it didn't evoke anything out of me and the characters didn't seem to have enough believable things to care about for them to either.

Dialogue-
No stand out stuff in either direction... lots of quips between the gladiators... lots and lots and lots and lots. Also:

"Were you not entertained?" -Shout out to Gladiator or an oops?

If it was in homage (might want to include that in the script... not normal practice... but this is a campy kind script so it might work)

If it was an oops... then it should be cut or reworded. Especially since Jorgan reemphasizes it later as a kind of “How about that” style quip.

It isn't exact as is... but that is all anyone is going to think of. And I don't think any of the scripts of ZvG want people honestly comparing it to Gladiator... let's face it... ZvG doesn't hold a candle. If you do it in jest... in light of... then it can be fun.

Characters-
a) Protagonist: Titus... confusingly structured. Too many stock characters interwoven for any grounding. You kept the quote that AS used to describe the original draft's version of Titus. "If you want to save your own life you start by respecting your opponent's." This while said is not illustrated at any time by Titus... in fact he consistently exhibits the opposite behavior (Anytime he talks about Cassius while dead or undead is utterly disrespectful... plus he spends the entirety of the script desecrating the dead by killing them.) And my favorite part of the movie is when he convinces the common crowd to fight the super strong and super fast undead that even trained warriors can barely defeat. And no one mentions this. (I have a lot more written about Titus if you desire in my notes on your script... as well as your other characters. I feel like I'm not going in depth enough but... I'll leave it here unless you personally want more).

b) Antagonist: Valaric... best potential scene is when he is being paraded into the arena and subsequently beaten and killed by Belisarius. There history is more interesting then the story's active plot.
--These two characters cause and actually propel the events that spur your story. The main characters are involved but don't have a real stake in the story like these two do. Your script is like Stars Wars being from only Han Solo's which would be cool because we know the story of Star Wars really well... imagine if we didn't. How many times does Han Solo interact with Vader? The Emperor? The biggest difference though is that Han Solo still has a stake in what happens in SW... and it has to deal with his growth as a character... which isn't offered in Titus.

The rest of the relationships and characters are filler stock characters fleshing out a reworking of the Mummy tone, style and formula. Which means you accomplished what you likely set out to do... thus 3 stars (I refuse to give someone who accomplished what they wanted less then that... if it is at least as good as the formula dictates) But there is very little flavor, a whole lot of spectacle and not enough uniqueness in characters we've seen before for this to go beyond that for me.

It's getting long again... so I hope some of this helps and I've got more if you are actually interested. Happy writing and good luck in the contest.

BCL
 

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