Overall Recommendation:
4.6 stars
(8)
5 Stars:
75.0%
(6)
 
4 Stars:
12.5%
(1)
 
3 Stars:
12.5%
(1)
 
2 Stars:
0%
(0)
 
1 Stars:
0%
(0)
 
Premise:
4.7 stars
(7)
 
Story structure:
4.3 stars
(7)
 
Character:
4.9 stars
(7)
 
Dialogue:
4.3 stars
(7)
 
Emotion:
4.4 stars
(7)
 
 
1-8 of 8 reviews
Sort: Newest | Most helpful
1 out of 1 people found the following review helpful:

Niner is a interesting concept

Overall Recommendation:
3 stars
 
Premise:
4 stars
 
Story structure:
4 stars
 
Character:
4 stars
 
Dialogue:
3 stars
 
Emotion:
3 stars
 
September 10, 2011
NINER is very interesting. I personally do not like the language but understand the use of it. Opening is a little too long and does not flow properly. Why does the boyfriend participate in the killings but does not know where Abby is at or even lets her run? Too much conversation between family and killers. If Carly suspects Niner, why sleep with him then kill him? Needs a litter more refinement.
 
8 out of 8 people found the following review helpful:

Niner Review

Overall Recommendation:
4 stars
 
Premise:
5 stars
 
Story structure:
3 stars
 
Character:
5 stars
 
Dialogue:
4 stars
 
Emotion:
4 stars
 
September 09, 2011
Niner is a gritty drama with great possibilities. Let’s start with all the things this script does right then move on to the places that might need a little work.

The first really great thing about this script is the fact that it doesn’t follow the rules regarding the protagonist. I’m a big believer in bending the rules if you have something interesting to say. And this script definitely does have something interesting to say. Normally you want there to be at least one redeeming thing about your protagonist to keep the audience invested but you won’t find that in this script. Even in the moment that our hero “saves the damsel in distress” he’s still a callous man. But his objective is unwavered and we end up wanted to see his story fulfilled even if we don’t like the man. This is not an easy task to do, to write a wholly unlikable “hero” but you have done that quite nicely. Detective Rawley Niner is a Cop with an agenda. He’s in it for what he gets out of it in every situation. Hitting on women even though he has confessed that he’s “seeing” a nice pharmacist. Bigoted and brash, he demonstrates that his thoughts run no further than his own needs, and right now he needs a man to lie. Who is Niner will to sacrifice to get that lie? Pretty much everybody.

Carla is a nurse that happens to have the great misfortune to run into Niner as she works to save the world that he’s attempting to tear down. The sparks fly though she protests to dislike Niner for his profession. We expect that these two will eventually hook up and though we have to wait for it the eventual resolution, their chemistry is deadly.

Well written thugs in the form of Bobby, Scottie, and Farrin start us down the path of actually rooting for a “bad cop” like Niner to win. When you throw in a guy like Trent, who tried in earnest to save a woman’s life, you have a nice little character study of the nature of when you have no moral ground to stand on how low are you the audience willing to go to find someone to identify with and what wrongs are you willing to live with when someone uses the “two wrongs do make a right” mentality to solve a problem.

The dialogue for the most part conveyed a darkness that puts the reader in the mine of film noir. The settings are rich and vibrantly drawn. And the pace of the script is so tight that I read this in one setting without really realizing how far I was into it until I was actually done with it. Nice job!

There’s a rawness in this script that brings to mind a film like the “Bad Lieutenant”. Niner is not an easy character to pull off but you have done a beautiful job with him.

Places that could use some tightening would include the opening. It takes just a little too long to get into the heart of the story. The protracted scary “what’s going to happen” feeling of the men entering the house is great but in my opinion it’s misplaced. You want to sucker punch the audience with a quick shot of scariness then let them boil on it. You need to tease us about what happened in the house without giving up everything. And you want to get to Niner as soon as possible. Just a suggestion, but I’d like to see you start with Abby running bloody and bruised through the woods without giving us any sense of what happened right away. I know people say they hate flashbacks but the thing I’ve learned is that people really don’t hate them as much as they hate when they are misused. The story needs to be told in the present with flashbacks used almost as footnotes to the story. Use flashbacks to let us in on what happened to Abby almost as if she’s remembering the “events” one piece at a time. Let use almost see what she saw as she remembers it bit by bit until the end when you can run the whole truth from start to finish and resolve the puzzle.

Second place to look at tightening this script is the through line. You sort of have two competing through lines competing with one another. You need to decide which is the real story you are telling and relegate the other to the B story. B stories can be very compelling but if you try to run a B story as a second through line it can make the script lose focus. The two lines you are trying to run are Abby’s escape from the house with all that went down with that, and Niner’s trial. I think you need to focus on one of those stories and let the other one support it. My personal opinion is that you were attempting to have Abby’s story be the through line with the trial be the B story but unfortunately Abby get lost in the middle of the script and her resolution, while powerful feels a little anticlimactic because she gets lost through so much of the trial part of the script. Her story can but used to push the trial along by having her constant in Niner’s life during. Carla also needs to be more constant in the script to help support the powerful ending you have constructed.

This is a good draft of what I know will be an amazing script. I think this script might percolate for a while in my brain so I might email you some other thoughts as they come to me. I think you have such a strong idea and a brilliant character with huge potential here.

If you have any questions please let me know.
 
0 out of 0 people found the following review helpful:

can't wait for the film!

Overall Recommendation:
5 stars
 
Premise:
5 stars
 
Story structure:
5 stars
 
Character:
5 stars
 
Dialogue:
5 stars
 
Emotion:
5 stars
 
September 08, 2011
 
1 out of 1 people found the following review helpful:

Bad Cop! No Donuts!

Overall Recommendation:
5 stars
 
Premise:
4 stars
 
Story structure:
5 stars
 
Character:
5 stars
 
Dialogue:
5 stars
 
Emotion:
4 stars
 
September 08, 2011
Niner brings crazy sexy back!! He starts out a good cop in a bad situation, then turns out to be a bad cop in a worse situation. Yet, his agenda draws sympathy and wicked charm makes us root for him all the way to the end. A nice transition from murder mystery to courtroom drama and how you've managed to cross both stories. Well done, Mister Dikson!!!

Amanda M.
 
1 out of 1 people found the following review helpful:

Want to know more!!

Overall Recommendation:
5 stars
 
Premise:
5 stars
 
Story structure:
5 stars
 
Character:
5 stars
 
Dialogue:
5 stars
 
Emotion:
5 stars
 
September 07, 2011
I loved this, I want to know what happens!
 
1 out of 1 people found the following review helpful:

A good hardboiled drama/action story that tells of a uncompromising corrupt cop.

Overall Recommendation:
5 stars
 
Premise:
5 stars
 
Story structure:
4 stars
 
Character:
5 stars
 
Dialogue:
4 stars
 
Emotion:
5 stars
 
September 07, 2011
The character of Niner is what really sells this one. He's every bit of the uncompromising,immoral corrupt cop that his introduction hints at. Thankfully, no last minute change-of-heart for this guy as he remains what hes introduced as.
It starts off with a bang with the 'Christmas Eve' murders to get our interest before settling into the two stories that will cross paths. It continues to hold interest until the inevitable conclusion between Niner and Carly.
As it stands, I would give it a 4.5. The only things I could suggest would be to tighten up the screenplay by maybe 10-15 pages. It would punch up the action a bit more. Also, maybe change up the way Niner dispenses Trent. I don't know how,exactly, but I think maybe change it from the hospital setting.
Other than those minor issues, I don't see reason o change much. This looks like it would be a welcome addition to the genre of corrupt cop films.
 
1 out of 1 people found the following review helpful:

Great!

Overall Recommendation:
5 stars
 
Premise:
No rating
 
Story structure:
No rating
 
Character:
No rating
 
Dialogue:
No rating
 
Emotion:
No rating
 
September 07, 2011
A good read and very suspenseful!
 
1 out of 1 people found the following review helpful:

Couldn't stop reading!

Overall Recommendation:
5 stars
 
Premise:
5 stars
 
Story structure:
4 stars
 
Character:
5 stars
 
Dialogue:
4 stars
 
Emotion:
5 stars
 
September 06, 2011
Came for a quick look, but could not let it go.
 

Reviews for