At Amazon Studios


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Submitted Work

Movie Projects


Title Average Rating Downloads Date

Alien Time Bomb Joseph's Original Draft (Script 1)

No rating
8 04/28/16

ZvG: Zombies Vs Gladiators Joseph's 2nd Draft (Script 57)

No rating
15 08/28/11

ZvG: Zombies Vs Gladiators Joseph's 1st Draft (Script 37)

2.0 stars
20 08/22/11

After Death Joseph's 1st Draft (Script 5)

3.5 stars
28 02/20/11



Reviews Joseph Has Written

Mind Runner, Kyle's Original Draft

1 out of 2 people found the following review helpful:

Great Images in Need of Structure

Overall Recommendation:
3 stars
4 stars
Story structure:
2 stars
2 stars
4 stars
2 stars
May 04, 2014
First 30 pages.

Colin gets into an car accident and goes into a coma. Stuck in his mind, he's being transported from one visually interesting scene to another, the images and situations enticing enough to keep a reader intrigued.

People turn to dust, disappear, get sucked into the ground, swallow themselves, all while saying things that appear as nonsense, but could potentially hold clues to Colin's life.

By page 32, though, one question pushed its way through everything else: "Where is this story going?"

All of these visually stimulating scenes lacked one thing: Structure. Not once did I get a sense of purpose for each scene, a narrative connectivity within the visual flair. Everything seemed random, and by page 32, I was just as lost as Colin.

32 pages is a lot of room to construct a narrative road map, to give us a sense of direction, setting down sign posts that can guide a reader through Colin's mind. But, as it stands, there's no connective tissue between each scene.

The mind is complicated, sure, but it also allows us to implement logic and reason, a sense of purpose, giving us the resources to connect the dots in life.

Right now, Mind Runner feels like someone caught in a bad dream, rather than someone trapped in his own mind. And as abstract as dreams can be, there's still a connection to reality, even if those connections are buried under visual interpretations of life.

If Colin is caught in a bad dream, or lost in his own mind, giving us something to latch onto besides the visuals will go a long way. How did the accident happen? Was there something going on with his wife that Colin suspected? Maybe he was doing something behind his wife's back? What kind of person is Colin? What kind of person is his wife? Where was Colin going when he got into the accident? Where does his wife work? There's so many roads to take, mysteries to concoct.

With all these questions, there needs to be tension.

Besides Colin just wanting to get back to his wife, there's not a lot of tension.

As a suggestion, look at every scene and ask, "How can I add tension here?" And by adding tension, I mean to the growing narrative (which the story lacks right now).

I'd take a look at what you have and ask:

1) What's the purpose of this scene?

2) Is this scene informing the audience?

3) Is this scene adding tension?

4) Where are these scenes leading to?

By page 32, I should have a clear idea of where this story is going. Right now, all these scenes, as imaginative as they are, don't add up to anything.

As an aside, I can tell that, yes, you developed this from a shot story, as there's a lot of past tense descriptions. I'd suggest, as you go through another draft, keep an eye on these words, keeping the story in present tense.

Your writing does make for a nice, easy read. Very descriptive and brief, keeping my eyes moving along.

Giving structure to this story, though, would keep me interested enough to finish to the end. By the end of the first act, we should know where everyone stands. Right now, Mind Runner feels like I'm standing on nothing, free falling through this story with no sense of direction.

Eerie Estates, Jasen's 2nd Draft

2 out of 3 people found the following review helpful:

A good story that needs to dig a bit deeper

Overall Recommendation:
3 stars
3 stars
Story structure:
2 stars
4 stars
3 stars
2 stars
April 16, 2014
15 page review.

The story seems like it will be enjoyable, a maid and a caretaker (who are presumably married) saving the estate they grew up in. When the current owners want to demolish the place, Mindy and Lyle dust off old books of magic and go about saving the day.

There's a few format errors here. Nothing that can't be corrected. Lyle isn't properly introduced (in all CAPS, age). Lisa is introduced as "a heavy set woman", her name in parentheses, which is weird. Same with (MRS. MINDY). And the word pronunciations in parentheses is off-putting.

Besides that, the glaring question that pops up is: "Why do they want to save the estate?" Seems like the magic belongs to Mindy and her family lineage. By page 10, we've seen what her mother can do, animating a dead dog and cat, stopping Mindy from falling, but how does that link to the estate?

There's no mystery, no questions, nothing magical related to the estate. It's just there. So when Lisa nails the eviction notice, I don't know why Mindy and Lyle are so hellbent on saving the place.

I'd suggest using those first 10 pages to set up what is so special about the place, and how Mindy is linked to it. Or set up a mystery. Something to draw us into this estate. So when Lisa does arrive, we feel the impact of her nailing up that eviction notice.

Right now, by page 15, I know what's going on, but I don't know why I should care. I have the feeling that something will be revealed later on, but with nothing for us to invest in the estate right off the bat, what Mindy and Lyle do to save the estate seems for no reason.

Digging deeper into the connection between Mindy and the estate will go a long way, especially when Lisa arrives.

Creatures of the Night, C. M. 's Original Draft

1 out of 5 people found the following review helpful:

The Stone with the Sword

Overall Recommendation:
3 stars
4 stars
Story structure:
2 stars
3 stars
3 stars
2 stars
March 09, 2014
Surrounded by an air of historical authenticity, "Creatures of the Night" postulates the existence of gargoyles in the Middle Ages. Grounded Reality vs Fantasy. Two sides of a coin that flips back forth throughout the script.

On one side we have what seems like a historic scenario (I'm no history buff), an army of Danes invading England. There's quite a number of characters interacting on this front, which gives this side of the story as dense, historical aesthetic.

On the other side, we have the gargoyles, given their purpose, their relationship with humanity, and relationships among themselves.


The story revolves around the Holy Grail, the Danes wanting it, the gargoyles protecting it.

-I'll start off by saying that I ultimately enjoyed the story, though it did take me a little time to warm up to it. This may be that nothing about the beginning really hooked me in.

A group wants to hide something "of power". A magician creates fog in a castle. By page 10, many years later...we find a group who might be good, might be bad? Sure, they're ransacking a village, but with no context in this scene, I just had to go with it (turns out they were bad).

The first ten pages did invoke the creation of the gargoyles, but with the sudden transition to the villains of the story, years later, I'm waiting for something a keep me reading, someone to latch onto.

We're introduced to a major character on page 14, Captain Vwelwir. His introduction follows us through a battle, which ultimately leads up to the gargoyles on page 26.

I warmed up to the story at Vwelwir's (a name I had to guess at pronouncing. Well-were?) introduction, immediately liking the guy. He's honorable, someone you'd want fighting on your side in times like that, and his long gazes at the gargoyle statues foreshadow things to come. All very well done.

-Once the gargoyles are introduced, the story essentially fractures in two, tonally.

We've spent a good amount time in grit and seriousness, in the trenches of death and despair, the reality of life in those days, that once the gargoyles break out of their stone casings full of whimsical personality, it's like stepping into another dimension.

I suppose one could argue that these creatures are magical, and perhaps living on another plane of reality, beings who aspire to live above the petty bickering and warring of humanity. And it could be argued that these gargoyles provide a breath of fresh air within the densely plotted struggles of humanity. And at this point, one reading this script might say, "Oh, this is going to a fun movie!"

The problem, though, resides in the contrast that remains throughout the rest of the story, the gritty reality of humanity vs the spirited gargoyles. It's a back and forth until the end, where things ultimately end up becoming serious.

Sure, there's levity on the human side from time to time, and seriousness on the gargoyle side from time to time, but these two sides of the coin could be leveled out, giving us a consistent tone. Is this a fun movie? A serious movie? It seems a little heavy on either side, never finding a real middle ground.

-On both sides of this coin, though, they share one thing in common: An over-abundance of characters.

On the human side, so many characters lends itself to the historical aspect, but I wonder, if some of these characters were cut down a bit, or cut altogether, would it hurt the story? Do we need to spend time with Princess Brigitte to know the gargoyles aren't appreciated? The Knights Templar serve only to bring the Saracen for a bit of history. Hakel adds nothing, that Nelwin could not have done on his own. King Dorin's death seems like it would have the same impact if he was reduced to a few important lines, focusing more on Dorithin.

On the gargoyle side, with the exception of Romulus, Air and Mountain, the others seemed to run together, and it was difficult differentiating between them. I wonder if maybe there were about five gargoyles, would that open the script up to explore each individual further?

As it stands now, I had to continually stop and remember who the secondary gargoyles were. Dorithin's B-plot about his wife could be strengthened, the relationship with Abraham directly connecting with the main plot. Nelwin remains non-threatening, especially when he's demoted to second in command. The Knights Templar fight and leave. Brigitte gets captured, but I didn't think it would matter, because she's unlikable.

Dropping some characters, or giving them less screen time, could open the script up to strengthen the main characters (I would have liked to seen more Dorithin, his character built up, especially since he plays a major role in the end). Also, doing so may strengthen the second act.

-Right now, the second act does spin its wheels a bit. After the end of the first act, the battle at Castle Antioch (page 31), the plot doesn't kick back in until about page 65, where it's declared that King Dorin needs help with the Danes.

That's about a half hour of information given, relationships studied, the plot falling by the wayside, tension eased. Structurally, it's a lull. Not to say the information and relationships aren't interesting, it's just the story takes a backseat to give us character developments.

Maybe sprinkling those thirty pages with plot developments, ratcheting up the tension, and weaving character development around it, to keep the story moving while strengthening the characters, may very well go a long way to keep the energy of the story from drifting away.

-Act Three seems like it comes around at page 94. The main battle happens on a field, in the snow. Archers shoot. Swords swing. People die.

I may not be a history buff, but I do like history. Listening to a podcast about the Huns, it's interesting how they used psychological warfare. A few of them would go into towns to talk up how horrible the Huns were (and they were very bad), so that when they did arrive, the town would pretty much give up. Or how they would pretend they were running from an army, only to trap them, or wait until the pursuing army would run out of resources, and then take them out.

The Danes are characterized as brutes, but they know about the gargoyles. This isn't a strictly historical movie. What if they formulated some type of tactic to defeat the Englishmen? Something other than more men running in from the side? Something to add tension to this battle? As it stands now, we know the gargoyles will swoop in and save the day.

After the battle, Vackel's betrayal was pretty much telegraphed. I knew who was sneaking into the Danes' camp. And I will admit, the consequences of his actions seemed a little too steep at this point in the story. This development seems like it should have happened earlier.

It would have raised the stakes somewhere in the second act (Vwelwir should live, though, being the conduit in which we approach the gargoyles).

I did enjoy the story until the end, where death came about for one reason: set up a sequel. And the whole Loki thing, turning into a dragon, seemed to come from yet another movie altogether.

I'd suggest wrapping the movie with a strong beginning, middle and end. If there's going to be a sequel, worry about that later.

-Seems like, perhaps, if the Danes are after the Holy Grail, maybe they find it? Maybe the gargoyles fight to protect the Grail? If this is going to be a series, why not focus on the Grail? They're protecting one of three objects? Rather than fighting against people who "think" they know where the Grail is, it would be more interesting if it was pretty much close to being in the Danes' hands.

-On a personal note, there's a lot of passive phrases throughout. "Brigitte is tied up." "Earth is inspecting the gate." "Air, Romulus and Vwelwir are standing along the walls."

I do think the writing is good, but passive phrases do suck the energy out of the read for me. This is just my bias, I suppose, in that I'd rather read "Earth inspects the gate." or "Air, Romulus and Vwelwir stand along the walls." But like I say, it's just my thing. I couldn't say how others feel about it.

-Overall, I did enjoy the script, though with some work, it could be an excellent read. Focusing more on lead characters, adjusting the tone within scenes, and adding greater tension would make for an excellent historical fantasy epic.

Falling Star, Dylan's Original Draft

0 out of 1 people found the following review helpful:

Falling for a Star

Overall Recommendation:
4 stars
3 stars
Story structure:
4 stars
4 stars
3 stars
3 stars
March 07, 2014
With aliens on the verge of destroying planet Earth, a young boy and a young alien princess come to terms with their past losses, find strength in each other, and struggle against the invasion to save the day.

At 118 pages, the writing remains consistently good, albeit long-winded at times. With the exception of the first four pages (which I'll get to in a minute), the story flows along, and it seems I should have flown through this script. But I didn't, and I think the reason being the amount of detail given. Example:

Page 5

The PILOT sits at the controls, HELMET and MASK secured over
his face. He looks this way and that through his VIS Helmet-
Mounted Display System - video imagery of the desert beneath
is projected directly onto the pilot’s visor in a panorama.

A patch sewn on the pilot’s jumpsuit shows a triangular jet
soaring over a desert. The patch reads, “Groom Dry Lake/Test
Facility” on the perimeter and “Dreamland/Area 51” within. A
second patch beneath displays the image of the F-35 flying,
“Joint Strike Fighter” and “F-35 Lightning II” written on it.

Page 49/50

JOE sits at the controls, HELMET and MASK secured over his

He looks this way and that through his VIS Helmet-Mounted
Display System - video imagery of the desert beneath is
projected directly onto Joe’s helmet visor in a panorama.

Page 107

JOE watches the alien soldiers ROCKET UP into many of the
jets under his command and CRASH INTO THEM, sending their
broken and burning remains CRASHING back down into the ocean.

All of this action is shown to Joe through his VIS Helmet-
Mounted Display System - video imagery of the dogfight is
projected directly onto Joe’s helmet visor in a panorama.

The jet’s Electro-Optical Distributed Aperture System’s
sensors identify all of the human jets in the fight in green
while illuminating the enemy alien ships in bright red.

...Besides the "his VIS Helmet-Mounted Display System - video imagery projected directly onto Joe’s helmet visor in a panorama" being repeated, we've got a whole paragraph dedicated to a patch, and another paragraph dedicated to "jets in green, aliens in red."

What if page 5 read like:

The PILOT sits at the controls, the visor of his VIS Helmet
projecting a panorama of the desert below. A patch on his
jumpsuit reads "Groom Dry Lake/ Test Facility".

Or if page 107 read like:

Joe watches alien soldiers ROCKET UP, his visor
outlining them in red. They CRASH into jets outlined in
green, pilots ejecting, broken and burning remains
CRASHING into the ocean.

Or something like that. The script has many examples where it lingers a little too long on certain details, bogging it down. Seems like, when it comes to descriptions, the best thing is to get in and get out, keep the story moving.

-As for the premise, I think it was the heart of the story that kept me reading. Bobby getting over the loss of a loved one, Star coming to terms with her decisions in the past.

The fact that an alien, the lone survivor of her world, comes to Earth with super powers, and her father has a holographic recording that Bobby interacts with, reminded me a little too much of Superman. Orion reminded me of Zod, and the fact that he's taking Earth's water reminded me a bit of V. Alien ships destroying Nevada, the military bases, and the final battle reminded me of Independence Day.

Falling Star borrows heavy from other sources, which could go either way with audiences. The fact that Star is exactly like a comic book character, who crashes near the author of that comic book, and becomes that character seems like it could be handled a little better.

Right now it's too convenient. The first spacecraft crashed in Roswell, so too will this one? Apparently, Roswell was some random place the first spacecraft crashed in back in 1947.

What if her space pod scans Earth looking for a safe place to land, and discovers the comic book, thinking it as some kind of historical reference, and locates the author? Whatever little twist, though, something to connect the space pod crashing near Bobby will eliminate the convenience of this plot point.

This is an action packed script, which would become a big budget movie, so I'm wondering if maybe the plot points may hit a little too close to other material (especially Superman), or if they might have to be re-imagined. That I can't say, but while reading the script, all I can say is that I kept stopping, thinking, "this is like Superman."

-Overall good dialog, some of which could be boiled down. Star's father serves only to give us exposition. There's large blocks of dialog that could be trimmed. Example:

I came up with the idea on a trip
my family and I took up to Salk
Lake when I was in the sixth grade.
We stopped up at Thompson Wash in
Sego Canyon and saw the old Barrier
paintings - old cave paintings - of
these alien-like figures that the
Native Americans had allegedly met.
I learned about this ancient Native
American tribe called the Hopi who
had a prophecy about the Blue Star,
a spirit, one of the ancient Star
Gods who would reveal herself from
the heavens by traveling through a
black hole or some kind of Stargate
whose arrival here on Earth would
signify the coming of a new era of
enlightenment. Native Americans
looked to the stars for truth. Even
today we still look to the stars...

Each character has their own voice, defined by their words, and I liked the fact that Star couldn't speak English for most of the script. She's a strong character, formed by her actions.

-I don't think it was fully explained why Jocelyn died, and why Bobby blamed his father. It's vague. Something concrete, like a flashback, or a line of dialog stating what happened would go a long way to justifying Bobby's actions at the beginning.

-Which brings be to the first four pages. Right now, it's confusing. Someone's dead, a girl. Bobby's at a funeral. Then, he's at a book signing? We get who this girl is at the signing, but the hard transition between the two scenes is confusing.

I had to read it a few times to get that the book signing is sometime later, but on my initial read, it played out like the same day, with the set up of the booths and the tourists earlier. Maybe have the high school scene before the book signing? Maybe have the book signing cancelled, the booth empty. Maybe a night scene in between? Something to bridge these scenes won't be so jarring.

-Overall, I enjoyed Falling Star. Boiling down descriptions will make this an easier read. The heart of the story kept me reading, and maybe adding a different twist to the plot might remove it from other material, giving the story its own voice.

Cal, Arissa's Original Draft

2 out of 3 people found the following review helpful:

Good story in need of a good title

Overall Recommendation:
4 stars
4 stars
Story structure:
3 stars
4 stars
4 stars
4 stars
February 22, 2014
Adventure awaits among the stars, the lives of an explorer, pirate and doctor intersecting on a space station, a mysterious legend guiding them to discover the secrets of the universe, and a ruthless general hot on their tail to grab the power for himself.

This is an interesting story with colorful characters, each personality playing off each other in wonderful ways. Cal, the haughty alien explorer. Ivy, the wise-cracking pirate. Olly, the young doctor with a heart of gold. Also, we have Victor, a charming repair droid. Together, they form a bond that flows effortlessly throughout the story.

-The writing immediately draws us into the world, giving enough detail to structure scenes, moving at a nice pace to keep the action rolling.

In a few instances, past tense was used instead of present tense, there were typos throughout, and the need for V.O. (such as the Radio Operator), but nothing major.

One scene threw me off track. Page 10, the Kursori Meeting Room. It's a dream sequence, and should be added to the scene heading. The first action line starts with "Ivy, Geed, and Martin all stand around the table." It's disorienting, since Geed's dead. Knowing right off the bat that it's a dream sequence would have kept me reading, rather than stopping, wondering what was going on.

On page 23, Ivy thinking of a scene could either be a scene onto itself or Ivy remembering a conversation through V.O. With V.O. we won't get Ivy and Geed smiling at each other, though.

-Structurally, the story happening right now fits together nicely.

What seemed a little hazy was Ivy's back story, how she got the pendant from Torapec exactly, and how Torapec found out that she stole it. Maybe adding a flashback scene? Another dream sequence? Maybe Torapec shows her video surveillance, her shadow within the Silverfish halls, her face finally captured on Torapec's private surveillance camera? Something to detail this plot point will strengthen Ivy as a character, her thieving/pirating skills, and give us a strong point of reference when Torapec and Ivy meet.

As for the Roman V conveniently crash landing on Vonbai (near Eera, I might add (a great character as well)), I must admit I was a little confused, and maybe just the slightest disappointed when Cal says, "Vonbai? We’re here?" After the Roman V escapes the Silverfish, our heroes spend time on the Roman V, travelling toward a "vague heading". In the vastness of space, a ship guided by a "vague heading" suddenly arriving at a planet they needed to be at seemed all too coincidental.

I thought Vonbai would be another leg of the journey, but by page 50 we've come to the final destination. Most of the story takes place on the Silverfish and Vonbai, the Roman V transitioning between the two. For a space adventure, it seems like at least one more major location would open up the story, widen its scope.

Also, to strengthen Ivy or Cal, either one could have a clearer idea of where they're going. What if the pendants clued them in on the location of the Heathen Scroll? It could lead them to Vonbai, or to another location where the Heathen Scroll leads them to Vonbai.

-Which leads me to the ending.

The payoff, for me, was seeing this group ultimately becoming a family, off to explore the universe together.

I guess The Door is a McGuffin, serving to bring the group together? The question it poses, though, had me scratching my head. What question was asked? What question was answered? And I'm guessing it's asking if Cal would want to go back to being a loner? It's pretty vague. Perhaps if whatever Cal reads from the stone, it's a bit more focused on her? Or, if it is a McGuffin, it's purpose can't be tied to anything in the story, but still be focused on something?

Torapec getting a slap on the wrist is a nice touch, strengthening the reasons why Ivy would want to become a pirate, why Cal would want nothing to do with humanity.

-Lastly, I'd suggest changing the title. I typed "Cal" into the Amazon Studios search bar and it gave me a bunch of names with "Cal" within a word, but never "Cal" by itself. Also, it doesn't resonate with the interesting premise.

-All in all, a very good read!

Rogue, Kevin's Original Draft

1 out of 2 people found the following review helpful:

Ripping Around the World

Overall Recommendation:
4 stars
4 stars
Story structure:
3 stars
3 stars
4 stars
2 stars
February 19, 2014
An interesting, well written thriller, twisting the mystery of Jack the Ripper in an engaging story that pits one man against the fiend. Andrew Somerset begins his chase out of obligation, but through the chase, his need to catch and kill the Ripper devours his life, consuming him.

The mystery behind the Ripper lends itself to a great many theories, with the potential of great many stories, and Rogue is one such story that takes the mystery and follows through as a first rate thriller.

All around good dialog, each character given their own personality. The action is well written, fast and exciting. The settings, London, New York, and Jamaica are exceptionally described, each brimming with life, punctuated by their differing atmospheres.

The major weakness, I think, lies with the first act.

-Firstly, the amount of time spent on the Ripper murders. Seems like a history lesson, giving us murder scenes, detailing those scenes with many flashbacks to show us what exactly happened. Which isn't bad, in and of itself, but with the protagonist absent from these scenes, it shortchanges our hero.

This made me question: Is it necessary to go into such detail? We're spending a lot of time with characters who mostly fall into the background after the first act, with the exception of Andrews and Littlechild. Is there a way to scale back the murders, weaving Somerset through that narrative?

-Which brings me to the second thing. Somerset and Hutchinson's relationship. Right now, we're introduced to the copper and informant at the very end of their arrangement. Somerset ends it, sounding like a blowhard, and I'm not exactly sure why he blamed Hutchinson for the bombing.

Hutchinson says they were friends. Somerset denies it. Were they or weren't they?

The interesting angle here, it seems, would be their arrangement, which could bud into a friendship. The informant giving the copper information, with the Ripper case in the background, their friendship growing until it's revealed that Hutchinson is the Ripper.

That betrayal by Hutchinson could enhance Somerset's motivation to chase him. Also, it could enhance Hutchinson's motivation to ultimately "save" Somerset for the end.

Right now, at the end, it seemed Hutchinson wanted Somerset to be like him, a killer. But the impact of the end isn't quite as strong as it could be. Possibly, establishing a relationship between Somerset and Hutchinson in the beginning could go a long way to strengthening the end.

-Speaking of motivations...right now Mary Kelly detracts from Somerset and Eloise's relationship. Once Mary dies, it does give Somerset motivation to chase after Hutchinson, but we're introduced to Mary before Eloise. In the scene with Somerset and Mary, it seems like these two are dating, only to have Somerset tell us he's got someone else pregnant.

Makes me wonder about the guy. And when we're introduced to Eloise, she's that French woman Somerset knocked up, that woman he mentioned earlier to Mary. So when she shows up at the end, the impact of her demise wasn't quite as strong as it could be. Maybe if Eloise is introduced before Mary, we'll form a stronger connection with her.

-Lastly, I was a little fuzzy as to why Hutchinson would want revenge on Littlechild. Something about the fire in New York? Not really sure. I'm guessing Littlechild knew about Hutchinson all along, but only when he was discovered, Littlechild sent Somerset after him, so Littlechild could hopefully cover his tracks?

Hutchinson's need for revenge on Littlechild should be cleared up.

-All in all, a good read. Tightening up the first act could very well go a long way to driving home the impact of the end, giving us a top notch thriller involving Jack the Ripper.

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