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Jack Raymond, Facebook
jak.raymond@gmail.com
 
 
 
 

Submitted Work

Movie Projects

Scripts

Title Average Rating Downloads Date
Created

Cora Jack's 9th Draft (Script 9)

5.0 stars
(1)
39 12/31/11

Cora Jack's 8th Draft (Script 8)

5.0 stars
(1)
33 05/31/11

Cora Jack's 7th Draft (Script 7)

No rating
7 05/31/11

Thai Stick Jack's 2nd Draft (Script 2)

No rating
10 05/04/11

Cora Jack's 6th Draft (Script 6)

5.0 stars
(2)
32 04/28/11

Cora Jack's 5th Draft (Script 5)

No rating
5 04/28/11

Thai Stick Jack's Original Draft (Script 1)

4.0 stars
(1)
7 04/19/11

Cora Jack's 4th Draft (Script 4)

No rating
35 03/31/11

Cora Jack's 3rd Draft (Script 3)

No rating
10 02/28/11

Cora Jack's 2nd Draft (Script 2)

4.0 stars
(1)
10 01/30/11

Badass Jack's 2nd Draft (Script 3)

No rating
8 01/23/11

Remake Jack's 3rd Draft (Script 4)

No rating
25 01/22/11

Badass Jack's 1st Draft (Script 2)

No rating
8 01/22/11

Cora Jack's Original Draft (Script 1)

4.0 stars
(1)
27 01/18/11

Remake Jack's 2nd Draft (Script 3)

4.3 stars
(4)
40 12/31/10

Remake David's 1st Draft (Script 2)

5.0 stars
(1)
24 12/24/10

Remake Jack's Original Draft (Script 1)

4.7 stars
(21)
105 12/20/10

About

I was fortunate enough to grow up on the Coast of Maine. I play extreme croquet and write screenplays. I love my family, film, adventure and just being alive in the moment.

Currently I have three projects posted on Amazon Studios:

1) "Remake", an ensemble comedy about four has been comedians on a road trip.

2) "Hotel of Dreams", a true story based on the life of Cora Stewart and author Stephen Crane.

3) "Thai Stick", an action adventure/murder mystery set in Chiang Mai, Thailand, where I teach winters. (Stoners may be disappointed-- there's no drug action in the script. I was going for an Elmore Leonard/con man feel with the title).

Good luck to all who venture here.

Stay up,

Jack
 

Reviews Jack Has Written

American Mythic, Richard's Original Draft

0 out of 1 people found the following review helpful:

Saddle up for a wild and impressive ride!

Overall Recommendation:
5 stars
 
Premise:
5 stars
 
Story structure:
4 stars
 
Character:
5 stars
 
Dialogue:
5 stars
 
Emotion:
5 stars
 
June 14, 2011
Review : American Mythic
American mythic starts with a wild ride and never let’s up. This script is a throw- back/homage to the days of Howard Hawks and John Ford. Me thinks while Richard was writing this piece he rose each morning and said, “Today, I will be great!”
The protagonist of American mythic is Luther Wingate, a man of honor, family and a legend. His character, intelligence and ethics shine on each page. (On one day he defeats a band of marauding Apache; the next he returns their weapons because they’ll be unable to survive winter without them.) He’s a teacher of troops and his half-breed son Snowfox. Luther is wonderfully flawed, especially with acceptance of his son, but this only adds character. Much like John Wayne’s obsession in “The Searchers”.
The character arcs of Luther and Snowfox, together and separately, seamlessly mirror the plot to save Luther’s daughter and Snowfox’s half sister. In this story everyone has to save someone or die trying. This is excellent drama.
Like most of Richard Taylor’s scripts, American Mythic propels along with a force of its own. Richard’s action scenes are the best I’ve seen on Amazon Studios. You are in the moment. Taylor’s assurance of time, nuance and period resound on each page. The characters are larger than life; but the life he gives them feels "real". If Wingate is drinking by a camp fire it’s from a communal cup, characters are described as “shave tail”, dates are given by the release of a new Mark Twain book, just the knowledge and feel of a horseback chase is researched to the point where you’re baking in the sun, feel the heat, your own sweat and smell of the horse beneath you. This is fine work. Something you can feel and, though dusty, taste. (The research involved here reminded me of having to google the “Will you be my huckleberry?” line from Tombstone. The answer amazed me- the author had done some cool research to come up with that one).

The only problems I had with American Mythic would be easily rectified. I felt there was a little too much over exposition- especially in the train letters from Alice. I would also revise the turn of Alice’s capture—I would seriously look at pages 26 to 37 (in the pdf version) and see if they can be reduced to 5 or 6 pages.
The action scene in the death of Philip is needed for pacing but I think it can be shortened. We already know any daughter of Luther Wingate would marry a man of strong character.

Lines I love: “He your puppy once?” (An Indian speaking to Wingate about his former Lieutenant)

“Choice is not a part of this.”

Preparing for a duel with rapiers—Wingate: “I have reach on him.” Keogh: “And years, twenty at least.”

With American Mythic, Mr. Taylor has provided another fine ride and a campfire cup to be shared. One full of strength, assurance and character. I toast you Richard, "Today, you were great."
 

Cracking Wise, Richard's 3rd Draft

0 out of 0 people found the following review helpful:

A really fine screwball comedy!!!

Overall Recommendation:
4 stars
 
Premise:
4 stars
 
Story structure:
5 stars
 
Character:
4 stars
 
Dialogue:
5 stars
 
Emotion:
4 stars
 
May 08, 2011
Love this screenplay. I read it first while overseas in January and again yesterday. It was even more fun the second go round.

Taylor’s “Cracking Wise” takes me back to the speed and precision of dialog Charles Lederer displayed in “His Girl Friday” and “Gentlemen Prefer Blondes”. This script brought back the screwball comedy flavor of twist and turns that bounce out of the blue and the cast has to run with or be lost. “Bringing up Baby”, “The Front Page” and the classic “It Happened One Night” would also be fair comparisons to “Cracking Wise”.

The protagonist, Leon Virkler, lives in a tent in his house, seems to have every phobia known to man and even invented a couple extra. To collect his inheritance (there’s a funny death scene of his Dad in this revision with the cops trying to talk him out of committing suicide misunderstanding everything he says; it’s a nice addition—reminded me of the opening scene of “It’s a Mad, Mad, Mad World”), okay, to collect his inheritance he must leave his house and attend the funeral and meet several conditions placed in the will: go outside each day, get a job and get married.
The teaching Dad couldn’t give in life is given as an ultimatum in death. Use it or lose it, with billions at stake.

Taylor effortlessly sets all this up in the first 10 pages through brisk dialog and fun scenes at Leon’s mansion, the funeral and the reading of the will. We are also provided a hovering, a (might be) a villain lawyer who will inherit if Leon doesn’t crack his shell and fulfill Dad’s provisions. And real villains in Jerry and Thalia, a jerk and his gold digger co-conspirator.

As in any screwball comedy all this fine setup of plot and provisions is secondary to the dialog, misunderstandings and triumphs of the flawed characters trying their hardest to get from points A-B-C and beyond. Like a good mystery the plot takes a back seat to character and Taylor has given us ones to root for and embrace when they cross the finish line.

The women are the strongest characters in Cracking Wise- heroine and marine biologist Grace, Lupe –a whacked house keeper, and Thalia-the hot and she knows it, gold digger.

For changes the only thing I can recommend is something from Dad to Leon, I think a videotape like someone suggested earlier. I don’t think it should be a video will but maybe something Grace or Lupe brings to Vegas. A tape Leon finds and watches privately—I’d stick it after he finds Grace dressed as a dominatrix and before the wedding chapel. I think it would give more dimension to Leon and help complete his arc.

I might foreshadow a bit more on Lupe not being what she seems. On Kroeger, the lawyer, we have hints of him helping Leon—I would make him seem a bit more villainous- Jerry is obvious and a broad stroke as a villain. I would have Kroeger appear more to be a villain, ready to pounce, and then twist him into a good guy.

Cracking Wise is great fun! Especially the on-the-money speed of the dialog and situations. Reminded me a bit of the twists and turns in “Some Like it Hot.” This is fine work.
 

Villain, Richard's 9th Draft

2 out of 6 people found the following review helpful:

Great read. A well written, over the top original.

Overall Recommendation:
4 stars
 
Premise:
4 stars
 
Story structure:
4 stars
 
Character:
4 stars
 
Dialogue:
5 stars
 
Emotion:
4 stars
 
January 06, 2011
Villain would make for a fun film! Mortimer Savage, Richard Stern’s Villain, has lost his arch enemy, is undergoing therapy (cause he may not be evil enough), had to let his henchman go, lost the lease on his volcanic island lair, is forced to living in his Mom’s basement and compete for her approval with his goody-goody child star brother Fred, and worst of all, been kicked out of the Evil Genius union N.E.M.E.S.I.S (which wonderfully includes Martha Stewart) and lost his seat to a clever and truly evil genius. Savage has hit rock bottom in the Villain business.
Villain has witty situations and classic lines built for family market. What could have been a Mike Myer’s rip is damn original from beginning to end. The pacing is swift (with one exception:see notes), first act turnaround falls exactly where it should (page 33), the main character defined and changing, and each scene moves the story ahead smoothly with surprising changes that hold the reader.
Premise: Solid, in your face family comedy (with some nice innuendo that will gracefully slide over the kid's noggins). I think I praised the set-up enough in the first paragraph and don’t want your head as big as Mortimer’s. The big budget Dr. Evil's and Spy Stories sell.
Pacing: Moves swiftly and surely except for the psychiatric office. (I have to agree with another reviewer on this one)—I felt it dragged despite the intermittent flashbacks and insight provided. (The concept of “Mad Psychiatrist” also felt a smidgen, and I stress the smidgen, contrived and didn’t match with the originality portrayed throughout the rest of the work).
An ADD aside with absolutely and no bearing on “Villain” -my favorite psychiatrist scenes are the brief Alan Arkin/John Cusack ones in “Grosse Point Blank”-the concept of a troubled hitman being told to “don’t kill anyone today” is just classic. The story behind the writing of “GPB” is classic on it’s own.
I like your twists-I won’t give them away but they come at the right time and surprised me. It kept my attention throughout.

Structure: I’m not sure I would have Savage voice aloud to Cox that “there is the distinct possibility that I'm not a complete sociopath” that early in the game. I know it’s the turn but I think it comes out further on in his actions (raising and protecting young Hugo, trying to be a gud, gud good guy). I feel the “your enemy is my enemy" is enough”. After all, his inventions have been stolen, are working properly and his favorite henchman has been killed. I think this is motive enough to change his direction on the turn. (We already know his character is arcing to this from the scenes with Mom and the shrink—I don’t think you need to say it. Especially to a one time foe you hardly know).

Character: Savage is completely defined and arcs in both action and dialogue. I could identify with him emotionally. Secondary characters in this type of film are always less defined than the protagonist. in Villain they are broad strokes, but original ones.


Dialogue: Great lines throughout.

One line I didn’t understand was from about the page 30 mark: “To Savage's chagrin, the robot has been rigged to run remotely.” I thought this was understood.

I would also add “waterboarding” into the line about the goat rapist—I don't think it makes sense without some kind of torture included. Or maybe I'm dense and missing something.

But other than those the dialogue was fun, entertaining and made me laugh!

A fine smooth script, Richard. Well done! This would make a fun film.
 

Favorite Movies

The Usual Suspects, Lawrence of Arabia, The Last Picture Show, His Girl Friday, The Shawshank Redemption, Casablanca, Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid, fun stuff (Raising Arizona and Local Hero), quiet films (Ruby in Paradise and Ulee's Gold)
 

Influences

The Coen Brothers, Richard Curtis, Frank Capra, Martin Scorsese, John Huston, Blake Edwards, Bill Forsyth, Robert Redford, Alan J. Pakula, Sydney Pollack, David Lean, Quentin Tarantino, Robert Rodriquez, Howard Hawks, Danny Boyle, Steven Soderbergh
 

Following

4 People