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About

I began my filming career as a poet performing in local poetry spots around the New York, New Jersey Area. From poetry I then moved on to screenplay writing where I developed my craft as a screenwriter. Originally from Haiti, I moved to Trenton New Jersey at a very young age. I attended Grant Elementary School, graduated from Martin Luther King Jr. 1 Middle School then moved to Brooklyn New York where I attended Erasmus Hall High school and received my High School Diploma. After graduating high school, I moved back to Trenton, New Jersey where I attended Mercer County Community College. At Mercer I majored in Theater, learning the crafts of acting and production.

I made my directorial debut in 1998 with the short film titled “My Good Morning.” Shortly after, I took some time off to work on my writing. My first and latest feature film titled “The City Is Mine” is currently available worldwide on DVD at Best Buy, Amazon.com, Netflix, Wal-Mart and other retailers. “The City Is Mine” has also been screened at three film festivals and was nominated in one Festival for Best Actor.

As a writer, I believe the story is the most important aspect of filmmaking. A great screenplay makes for an excellent Film that is my motto. As I head into the future I plan on meeting and working with great individuals to produce quality films. I am an entrepreneur with a vision like no other. Founded in 2005, Pierre Films, LLC is one of the fastest growing independent production companies around. I plan on making my company one of the top production company’s in the world. I plan on surrounding myself with positive and passionate individuals. As I head into the future, my goal is to write, direct & produce quality films.
 

Reviews Patrick Has Written

Time Of Death, Joe's Original Draft

2 out of 4 people found the following review helpful:

A Bit On The Weird Side Plot Wise, But Good Read

Overall Recommendation:
3 stars
 
Premise:
3 stars
 
Story structure:
4 stars
 
Character:
3 stars
 
Dialogue:
3 stars
 
Emotion:
2 stars
 
December 17, 2010
Okay, this might be the longest review I've ever written and for good reasons because my head is kind of left spinning, I'm not sure what this review should be but here it goes.

Things I like that worked-

Right from the beginning I was drawn in wanting to know about this mysterious death at 1:02am, and the rest of the scenes were put together very tight, no scenes in the first few pages felt out of place.

I can tell this must be a very tight draft as other scenes must of been deleted to keep the story going, it showed.

That sequence at the Frat party was interesting, I was a bit confused reading what happened right after the frat party.

You get an A for proper grammar, spelling and punctuation. I felt like I was reading a screenplay edited by several English scholars.

Great Story Editor, this was edited so tight that the script should be called Virgin.

Really liked the scene with Jimmy and Hannah in the cafeteria when he tells her about Laura Marie's family. Jimmy is a well written character. The only one I felt with less robot dialogue. I don't mean Robot in a bad way, but he seems to be the only character with a unique tone about him, as everyone else seems to speak too properly.

The scene when Hannah's soul is fighting through Hell was a very cool scene, reading it was good, but seeing a scene like this visually would be a great experience.

That ending sequence with Jimmy, Laura Marie, Hannah was intense, really enjoyed that. Though I'm not much for happy endings, for some reason I was real happy when Hannah and Professor Lyndon walked(drove) off to the sunset together.



Things I didn't like that didn't work-

Couple of scenes in the beginning that are flashbacks should be written as such, a bit confusing when one scene of present jumps to a flashback seen with no indication and vice versa.

When Professor Davison talks Hannah into throwing her medication away, Hannah seemed to just do it too easily without much persuasion from the professor.

The ending left me a bit confused, Hannah's problem is never really resolved as far as I can see, she will continue to die at 1:02am, even though her watch is smashed, nothing implies that her condition is cured. Unless each time she dies it really is because she has narcolepsy and is just dreaming, but you as a writer seems smarter than that to let that be the answer. So I will just assume she is not cured.

The story started in one direction but end up going in a whole another direction. From the beginning pages, I thought I was in for some kind of sci-fi phenomenon to explain why this girl keeps dying, but it headed towards her trying to solve a mystery for a ghost which had no type of connection whatsoever with the story or her character. That left me confused a little.

I thought after Hannah finally tells the ghost who killed him, somehow The ghost would reveal some kind of answer to the key of life or something, I guess I felt this way because, you set us up, the reader with this Ghost relationship but, there seems to be no meaning behind it all. Unless I missed it.

I guess I'm a little pissed because the conflict with Hannah is never resolved, though she had many conflicts in the story, only one mattered that much to me as a reader. But then again, not having your typical resolution somehow feels a bit refreshing, disappointing but not enough where I hated the story.

Other Issues:

Not quite sure if this is bad but every character has the same proper dialogue, maybe this is intentional. To me it makes everyone almost sound the same, like a robot. But it really helped me in reading the characters dialogue in a clear manner.

I wanted some answers and explanation after the fourth time she died, it started to become redundant without the story developing to explain this phenomenon.

This may not matter to the story, but I was wondering what was the setting of the story? Was it present time, where was the University, was it in the U.S etc…, though not necessary for the story, I just felt this was an earlier time setting and maybe set in another country, but I may be way off base.

It's never explained early on why she dies for those minutes, but then wakes up, I guess as a reader I was looking for some kind of logical explanation, but maybe the fact nothing is said may have worked for the story.

The film turned into a murder mystery, Hannah became sort of a detective and didn't really focus on her problem.

There were several subplots going on here in the script, I found myself towards the end being much more interested in the subplot of Laura Marie, Jimmy & Hannah. I wish those characters would of developed more, but you know what, because the edit was so tight on this, maybe it worked better that way.

I maybe wrong here, but this story seems to have the making of a novel. It seems like there are a lot of things that were left unexplained, and putting them in a screenplay would not have worked as well as in book format. You write so well that if this were made into a novel, I wouldn't mind reading it.

You must be a English Professor for the way you write so well regarding punctuation and so on...

Conclusion:

Well what to say here, the story had me going in one direction but took me somewhere totally different. I really enjoyed reading this for the simple fact how well edited and written it was. The plot maybe a bit all over the place, but it is edited so clean that it doesn't lose you.

If this would be made into a movie, it would fair better with a 3 part movie franchise, there is too much to be explained in just 2 hours. But the cool thing about it is, it might just work just as is.

So many questions are left unanswered, but the biggest is, nothing's really resolved with our Heroine. It has been said, every good story has a resolution, this one maybe an exception?

Because of the simple fact of of the weird plot and subplots, not too many people will welcome this type of story, I at first didn't but for some strange reason I'm willing to look pass it all. This is the first script I've read that I'm not really sure what my conclusion of it is, and that my friend compliments this story.
 

The embryo who came in from the cold, Ganit's Original Draft

4 out of 5 people found the following review helpful:

Very good imagination but no specific Genre or Audience & needs better Pacing.

Overall Recommendation:
3 stars
 
Premise:
3 stars
 
Story structure:
2 stars
 
Character:
3 stars
 
Dialogue:
3 stars
 
Emotion:
2 stars
 
December 17, 2010
There is a test movie on the site for this screenplay, I decided not to watch the test movie and just head right into the screenplay. Reading the description of the logline, I expected this to be much more of a comedy, though it did have some funny parts, I felt at times i took itself a little too serious. Here's my breakdown:


Things I like that worked-

Very creative mind, one has to have a creative mind to come up with something such as this.

The part where the embryos discovered the "The Bliss" file is when I felt the story was moving forward.

Not sure what the reasons of the embryo's dream were for but the dream I felt was well placed and worked the best was Testo's dream. Maybe you can make the other dreams work as effectively.

I liked when the conflict began with the embryos once they found out there wasn't gonna be room for all five of them in the womb, conflict always makes a story interesting and I felt it was well used and well timed in the story.

That whole sequence with the intercourse with the nurse then to the character Bloody, was well written.

Testo is my favorite character/embryo. If you can give the other four embryos a unique personality like him, the story can work even better.

Favorite scene is when Testo passes out when he is told he has to get in the body of the woman with the cats, that was hilarious.

Not sure what the background of the writer is, but I assume either you did a lot of research on fertility clinics or you yourself have a medical background. The details of pregnancy and fertility was a nice read. Not sure how accurate they are but since I don't know much about that field it sounds pretty interesting. As a reader you want a writer to sound intelligent, you sure did, which made some parts of the story believable to me even though this is a story of fantasy.

I found myself feeling the same emotions the embryos felt when they discovered Gaia had a baby, that emotional connection was surprising to me. Because until that point I felt no connections with the embryos.

Testo was by far the most interesting one of the Embryos. His character was very unique and he kept things interesting to me, maybe somehow you can find a way to make the other four very unique in their own way.

Things I didn't like that didn't work-

Almost every line of dialogue you indicated what emotion the characters are having, a little less of that. This was more towards the beginning of the story.

It was a bit hard to visualize the action. Description should be better. This was also a bit more towards the beginning of the story, towards the middle the descriptions were a little better.

Lewis speaking Ebonics, maybe you have a reason for this, but I felt Lewis dialect wasn't necessary and it didn't quite make sense. I understand, his father was an athlete but that shouldn't justify his speech pattern when the other 4 embryos spoke normally.

This will obviously be animated, but what audience are you going for? I don't see this being a family film due to the graphic nature of the screenplay, the embryos grabbing on veins inside the womb, sperm, blood guts, intercourse.

Some of the dream sequences Gaia was having never indicated when she got out of the dreams and back to reality, those scenes should be more descriptive.

The embryos need unique voices. All five(accept Tetso) sounded like the same person but with different dialect. Should work more on the uniqueness of the embryos. The only one that stood out to me was Lewis and that was only because of his Ebonics and not personality traits.

I know this is fantasy, but I felt the embryos knew a little too much about the real world of fertility, maybe if you could make them a little oblivious to what's going on in their surrounding it would make for a better interesting take on it.

The story got much more interesting once the embryos left the hospital and went on to the mission of finding Bliss. Maybe you should shorten the time they all spend at the hospital.

Conclusion:

The biggest problem I can see this screenplay having is trying to fit it into a genre. The writer says it is a comedy. I would somewhat agree with it. Though there are some funny aspects, my opinion, this would fall within the dark comedy/fantasy genre.

I can only see this film being animated, and even so it is not a family film. The most I can see this being is PG-13, unless some drastic changes were made to the script. Because of the subject matter I don't think this can be anything else but for adults.

Not to say all this is a bad thing, I can't think of a film like this being made that catered to the 18-35 crowd in theaters that is also animated.

I would eliminate a big chunk of the dream sequences each embryo has. I felt this slowed the pace of the story down and the sequences were just inserted to fill pages. Time the embryos spend in the hospital needs to definitely be shorten.

Needless to say, I enjoyed the read, would I go see this in theaters? I'm not sure. Maybe if it were more comedy and less dramatic I would. But I give the writer credit for having a creative mind.
 

Harker & Grey, indy42's Original Draft

3 out of 4 people found the following review helpful:

Too Many Plot Holes, but has Potential to be a good comedy spoof

Overall Recommendation:
2 stars
 
Premise:
2 stars
 
Story structure:
2 stars
 
Character:
2 stars
 
Dialogue:
2 stars
 
Emotion:
1 stars
 
December 09, 2010
This could of worked much better if the suspense, and thriller parts were taken out and just made it a comedy. In the description it says the screenplay was all those three. I went in looking for comedy because the log line was the perfect set up for a comedy. Reading the first 5 pages, I thought I was in for something special, but unfortunately this wasn't the case. There were several major plot holes(MAJOR!!!) some I will address.

The concept is a good idea, it just wasn't that well executed. Here's some of the problems.


Things I liked that worked

The writer's lines of direction/action almost reads like a book, which I thought I would find annoying but I didn't because there was some humor to those direction/action lines. In every other scripts I've read, lines of directions/actions are usually straight to the point and frankly boring as we've learned and accepted them to be, but this writer's written direction/action lines is very unique. A great example of this is:
"Grey doesn't have time to turn and return the greeting before Jerry's off to... wherever."

In reading the early few pages, I thought the back and worth letters was gonna go on for a while in the newspaper, very clever and frankly realistic to have the detectives tell the newspaper to stop printing them, in turn Grey naturally blogs, lol.


Things I didn't like that didn't work

This may not necessarily be a bad thing, but is it wrong that the lines of direction/action amused me more than the dialogue the characters were speaking? I don't know maybe the writer needs to channel some of that humor from the directions/actions to your characters dialogues.

The 2nd conversation between Harker & Grey in the office I felt could of been a bit more clever, we, the audience know who they are at that moment, but they don't know, so I felt you could of had some real fun with that scene by using what we already know about the two killings, etc…

There was a couple of Dolly references, this is not necessary to put in the script.

The two detectives Linus and Christian felt more like dorm buddies rather than two detectives investigating two serial killers, maybe you should make their characters a bit serious, the joking factor is good but at times I feel like they speak as if there's not mass murders being committed in their precinct, just a thought.

I would also advise to make them sound like cops, you might want to do research or speak to some detectives just to get a feel. When I'm reading their dialogue I don't imagine this is two detectives talking.

Having Harker & Grey work in the same office kinds of take some mystery from the script, they would play much better of one another if they wasn't co-workers. That part made it feel a bit unrealistic.

The story started to lean towards a soap opera, the clever motives of two serial killers was lost when Becca and Grey went out on that date.

I find it a bit odd that ultimately Gary is the one who gets the clue about the High School and the two detectives are clueless about it all. You really need to work on making those detectives a bit believable and smarter.

Ending could of worked if maybe I cared about the characters, because there was no emotional connection with the characters, ending was flawed.

Things that confused me:

Maybe I missed something but not quite sure how Harker new Grey was Blake when he sent that email to the cops. And right after Aaron was arrested, was it then, Grey new Harker was Mr. Wilson…? I was just left confused about these things.

When Harker has Becca hostage, why does she say the line "Grey's dead" Did she know Grey, that confused me even more.

Becca mentions Harker's Art while being held hostage, how does she know about his Art? We the audience do, but nothing ever shows in the script that Becca knows anything about Harker's art.

Conclusion:

The biggest issue I had was the many plot holes, maybe if you can get those plot holes straighten out, this might make for a better read. But there's other issues, including the detectives not really being detectives.

I truly feel, if you can turn this into a clever spoof, you may have something here, but I'd do away with the thriller and suspense aspect of it. I wish you the best in working on future drafts if you choose too, this is just one opinion, hope it doesn't discourage.
 

68 Minutes, Samuel's Original Draft

1 out of 1 people found the following review helpful:

Clever plot, has potential with a rewrite or two.

Overall Recommendation:
3 stars
 
Premise:
3 stars
 
Story structure:
4 stars
 
Character:
3 stars
 
Dialogue:
3 stars
 
Emotion:
2 stars
 
December 04, 2010
This is the type of story one read is not enough, one must read this more than once to fully comprehend some things, sorta like a movie with many layers that needs to be watched more than once. The review below is base of just one read, so maybe I may not understand a few things but this is what I got off the first read:


Things I like that worked

Great opening, right from the few pages things get intense, and when Samuel reveals the revelation to Angie the first time about living in the same hour over and over again, the reader in me got relieved and excited because right from the few pages the story is set up, I'm at the edge of my seat waiting to hear how all this is developed right away, the reader is in. Good set up.

The dialogue flowed very well between the characters and kept my attention as to what else would be said line after line.

The first face off with Dr.Oliver & Samuel, I thought the bit about the clock in the office being wrong was brilliant, nice surprise.


Things I didn't like that didn't work

Unless the credit sequence in the beginning was somehow necessary to the story, it should not be included.

Side by side comparing Samuel & Angie's dialogue, Angie's dialogue is a bit weak.

Did it make sense for Samuel not to take the keys and drive the car to the destination? By getting out and helping Wainwright, he is knowingly killing time avoiding his main mission, just a big plot hole. If it was somehow explain the reason for doing so, maybe it would make more sense.

The fact that Angie ran back to the car away from the officer seems out of character knowing what we know about her.

The whole coffee scene with Emily I felt took away from the story significantly(at that point), that's when the pace of the story slowed down. Maybe you need to substitute another scene that somehow moves the story forward and is more relevant.

How was he still able to predict the timing/changing of the lights when he made detours and variables changed?

It would be a bit more interesting to actually re-read some of those scenes again with the added differences each time rather than fast forwarding right pass them. in the script, when the scenes are fast forward, the reader assumes the exact things happen when actually it shouldn't happen because every change before effects another change and Samuel knows this, but I understand for time sake those scenes had to be fast forward, it would make for a better interesting read if every scene wasn't fast forward that far ahead.

I don't feel the Dr. Oliver would tell Samuel where he keeps the gun, maybe you can find a better way for Samuel to discover, matter of fact, Samuel is in the room when the Dr. grabs the gun so maybe Samuel sees it while pulling the levers down.

I felt after the 3rd try the story became less interesting, maybe that 3rd time (SPOILER ALERT) the gun isn't taken away from Samuel.

Summary:(SPOILER ALERT)

The pace in the beginning is nice and quickly sets up the movie but it drags a little towards the end. Maybe in the actual movie itself if it were made it wouldn't feel that way but reading it felt so, more specifically that coffee shop scene.

With a different ending I think this could have the potential to be something of a classic, but the ending provided, left it just as an average script with a great concept.

Maybe I should read it again, but just base of one read, it looks like our main character eventually does succeed at his mission but he still winds up in the mental hospital because after all with a story like that who will believe him. There are many layers to this story and I'm sure many arguments could be had, one in particular, I wonder why is Samuel in prison/the mental hospital and Angie is not in prison, after all if she did in up hitting and killing Wainwright, maybe she got off with a warning or had a good lawyer who knows, but that's one of the many questions that could be asked if one were to nitpick.

I feel with some possible rewrites this has great potential.
 

"Children of the Genocide", Tom's Original Draft

3 out of 5 people found the following review helpful:

Very Well Written Suspense with a "KILLER" Ending.

Overall Recommendation:
5 stars
 
Premise:
5 stars
 
Story structure:
4 stars
 
Character:
3 stars
 
Dialogue:
3 stars
 
Emotion:
3 stars
 
December 04, 2010
This was one of the very first scripts I downloaded, it took me a while to get to it but I'm glad I finally finished it. I love discovering gems like this. Early on when the site first started I started browsing scripts to read base on the log line. Right of the bat this was one of the very interesting log lines that had me. So with a log line such as this I figured this has to be epic. Then a few pages into the story I started to feel a bit disappointed, but then something just happened, midway things just started getting exciting. I absolutely love this. I went in with high expectations and left with just that. Here's some of the things I felt worked and some that didn't:

Things I like that worked

The action/direction descriptions in the script is well written, not too much revelation just enough, the dialogue was able to move the story forward. Which that's how it should be for any good script.

That scene in the prison when Stellar was in the cell with Joshua worked very well, the suspense and tension was on point.

Love the way the suspense started to build up after the interrogation of The Senator, without giving any spoilers away I love the revelation of the 15 girls.

Almost every scene towards the end had my adrenaline pumping, in my experience that only happens when watching something in a visual medium, so for this to happen reading a script that is a great accomplishment on the writers part.

Things I didn't like that didn't work

The part where the detectives discovers Joshua is at ADX, you inserted in the script that suspense music fades in, I think you should let the story itself add suspense without including that direction, this is the job of the composer. The audience reading should be suspenseful at that moment without you telling them to be.

I felt that it took a little too long to finally reintroduce Joshua to us, the beginning was set up perfectly but then we don't see Joshua again towards near the end of the story.

Typically camera direction is not ideal for a spec script but your camera directions weren't too distracting from the story, though I would advise to not include them.

I felt adding the words "beep beep" and then writing cell phone rings right afterwords wasn't necessary.

The guard should of noticed(SPOILER ALERT) it was Joshua as the electrical worker, a dangerous guy like that, all staff at ADX should know what he looks like.

Summary:

The story is a slow build up, in the beginning it drags a little, then it really picks up towards the middle and doesn't let you go. Now that I think about it, this being a suspense movie, maybe the slow build up might of helped a little, but knowing that a professional script reader typically just gives a script up to the first ten pages to get their attention, so maybe you might want to spice up those first 15 pages or so of the script, but that's just my opinion, but towards the middle and the end, I wouldn't change one thing.

I don't typically like to compare, but in this case be compared to Se7en and Silence of the Lambs is not to shabby, that is what this script reminded me off, but I would say because of the smart style of it, it leads itself more towards Silence of The Lambs. By the way Se7en is in my top 10 list so I guess that may explain why I like your script so much.

But I do not wanna take anything away from this story by comparing it to those films, I honestly feel this is a fresh original idea and I would love to see this come to the big screen.

And I'm a sucka for a great ending, and this my friend the ending does not disappoint one bit... I only wish we got more Joshua screen time... but I guess that's a great thing leaving me wanting more.

This script isn't one of the popular ones as far as download wise on the page, as I'm sure many other's like it are not, so it feels good to discover a gem like this and I hope others do too...
 

Salvation: Allegiance, Hector's Original Draft

2 out of 3 people found the following review helpful:

Good suspense but lacks believable dialogue

Overall Recommendation:
3 stars
 
Premise:
2 stars
 
Story structure:
2 stars
 
Character:
2 stars
 
Dialogue:
1 stars
 
Emotion:
1 stars
 
November 29, 2010
The writer warns in the beginning that the story is set up as a T.V series, I will take that into consideration when reviewing.

First I'll start with some things I think worked.

There's a scene early on in the screenplay when THE PHANTOM confronts the character ABBY on her balcony to retrieve a weapon, I thought that scene was done well and placed at a good part of the script, that dialogue was one of the better ones in the script.

Another scene I thought was great and was by far the best one in the entire script was the scene where Victor, Richard and Adri are in the room and it is (SPOILER) revealed that Victor is a trader. I thought the revelation of the badged being a bugged device was a nice surprise and was revealed at a great time in the story. I found myself kinda routing for Adri even though she is on the opposite side of the hero.

Some things I feel didn't work too well are:

There was a bit of too much direction. Meaning some of the action descriptions read too much like a book. Too many details were described, rather then just let the characters tell the story through dialogue.

Another issue was, some things felt too convenient for the sake of the characters and story, a good example is when ABBY goes to the Pizza Place which is right near the hospital and Brandon happens to be there where Michael/Phantom has to meet them, though not too much of a big deal, but a lot of other things similar seem to happen to make things convenient for the story.

Last, I felt some of the dialogue could of been a little sharper, especially between Arron's character and Michael. It was a bit tough to believe anything those two were saying when they were on screen together. I felt though Brandon had some of the only good dialogue in the script.

Final word:

I can see how this fits much better in the forms of a T.V series rather than a feature length screenplay, because not too many things are reveals in the script about any of the characters. And a hero is not really defined, yes we do see The Phantom as our hero, but the story has so many secondary characters that not much is focused or revealed about The Phantom, thus we don't really get to know him or know who he is(I guess that's why he's the Phantom lol), but yes I can see this developing and us getting to know more about the world of these characters through several scripts and such, but based off just this screenplay, much is left to be desired.

This has could have potential as a feature length movie with more character development/stronger dialogue and more depth into the story.
 

Favorite Movies

Vanilla Sky
Carlito's Way
Se7en
Terminator 2
Sweet Dreams
Empire Strikes Back
The Talented Mr. Ripley
Inception
 

Influences

James Cameron
Spike Lee
David Fincher
 

Following

3 People