At Amazon Studios

 
 
 

Submitted Work

No credits yet.

Reviews Marcus Has Written

A Dare To Remember, Karen's 2nd Draft

0 out of 0 people found the following review helpful:

A dare to remember

Overall Recommendation:
1 stars
 
Premise:
No rating
 
Story structure:
1 stars
 
Character:
No rating
 
Dialogue:
1 stars
 
Emotion:
No rating
 
June 21, 2015
The readability is quite low due to the fact that it's written in a foreign language for the most part. You don't have to write in both languages. You write the dialogue in English and write the language you want it to be in in the parenthetical. They know it should be subtitled.
 

Summer Of Fear, Karlee's 3rd Draft

0 out of 0 people found the following review helpful:

Summer of fear review

Overall Recommendation:
1 stars
 
Premise:
1 stars
 
Story structure:
1 stars
 
Character:
1 stars
 
Dialogue:
1 stars
 
Emotion:
1 stars
 
June 21, 2015
This is not a screenplay, this is more like a novel. It needs to be in the proper format in order to give a good review.
 

Aloha Freddy, Alfredo's 18th Draft

0 out of 0 people found the following review helpful:

Aloha Freddy review

Overall Recommendation:
1 stars
 
Premise:
1 stars
 
Story structure:
1 stars
 
Character:
1 stars
 
Dialogue:
1 stars
 
Emotion:
1 stars
 
June 21, 2015
The format is all wrong. You need to either take a class or do some research on the structure of a screenplay. It would be better if you download screenplay software like celtx. When writing a screenplay, the golden rule is show don't tell. Also, a screenplay is very descriptive. You have to right down everything as you see it. Don't say write what a character is thinking, because the audience can't se that. Don't write dialogue in the action, that what dialogue is for.
 

America's Ben Franklin in: The Electrocution String, Jamster's 6th Draft

0 out of 1 people found the following review helpful:

Ben Franklin review

Overall Recommendation:
1 stars
 
Premise:
3 stars
 
Story structure:
1 stars
 
Character:
1 stars
 
Dialogue:
1 stars
 
Emotion:
1 stars
 
June 12, 2015
From the beginning, if you really want to capture the time in which the film takes place, you should try writing the date as they would. It won't be December 25, 1776. It will be 25 December 1776. Also you don't have to write they all speak German and it is subtitled. You can just write (In German) in the parenthetical, in the dialogue. This is just technical aspects of writing. Also be sure to comb through for errors in spelling. This is the easiest thing to skim over. For instance when you put he shots at the orb, instead of shot. More importantly, I think the comedy just doesn't work within the first few scenes. You have to jump right out of the gate with the comedy. Comedy is tragedy plus time, and the timing is all off. Also the jokes seemed to be forced. How about, instead of Franklin shooting the ORB, I think it would be funnier if he handed it off to someone else, goes to say something to Franklin, and it explodes in the background. The characters also don't talk like they would if they were in 1776. The dialogue used is very modern. And when Washington said the boys in the village, I instantly thought "what village?" I get that it's 1776, but they had towns and cities. Village is more of a medieval term. I honestly only read the first 5 pages, but that was enough for me to write this much. I think the script would benefit from some research in history from that era. I may be late in this review, and if so I'm sorry. But I'm just commenting on what I've seen posted so far. Keep writing.
Best, Marcus
 

Following

0 Projects

0 People