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Scripts

Title Average Rating Downloads Date
Created

He's "The One"? Marilyn's 1st Draft (Script 6)

No rating
14 02/10/11

About

I'm primarily a singer/songwriter, but I've been writing stories, novels and scripts for years. The script for The Whiskey Sisters Ride Again bubbled up over several years of experiences in the fringes of the music business. It's comic, tragic and ridiculous in turns, much like my musical career!

 

Reviews Marilyn Has Written

All that Glisters, Steven's Original Draft

2 out of 3 people found the following review helpful:

Great fun!

Overall Recommendation:
5 stars
 
Premise:
5 stars
 
Story structure:
5 stars
 
Character:
5 stars
 
Dialogue:
4 stars
 
Emotion:
4 stars
 
April 02, 2011
I loved this! I read it in one afternoon because I wanted to know what happens next. It was sweet and sharp and funny. It reminded me of Shrek and the Princess Bride. The only quibble I would have is that some of the jokes were not worthy of the rest of the script. (Lose the Chinese joke on page six). But overall I loved it.

I think this would make a great family film. It needs lots of special effects, but nothing too hard for Hollywood magic to complete.


(I don't rate things unless I like them, by the way.)
 

Dead on Arrival, aMy's Original Draft

0 out of 1 people found the following review helpful:

I like it. I'd like to see more.

Overall Recommendation:
4 stars
 
Premise:
4 stars
 
Story structure:
3 stars
 
Character:
4 stars
 
Dialogue:
4 stars
 
Emotion:
5 stars
 
March 28, 2011
This is a great start to your story. I would definitely like to know more about Eddie's past and why he has to kill so many people. Is Eddie your hero? Or is he an anti hero? So far, he's interesting but not very likeable. I can't tell whether I'm supposed to root for him or root to have him killed. It seems like the latter, but the emotion and background he's giving away makes me think that he may be redeemable. Maybe you could put a "save the cat" moment in if you want him to be someone we root for? (i.e. he does something kind in contrast to all the killing...)

I would like to see more!

I went back and read your synopsis and realized that I had it all wrong. Eddie's definitely the villain, but the little there is on Jake in your first ten pages didn't clue me in. I'm leaving my review as is for now till I can read more of your story. It's a fairly accurate first impression of your script, which might be valuable. (You might want to somehow introduce your hero earlier, in other words.)
 

He's "The One"?, K.L. 's 5th Draft

0 out of 1 people found the following review helpful:

A lot of fun to read. Kind of confusing keeping track of all the different men.

Overall Recommendation:
4 stars
 
Premise:
4 stars
 
Story structure:
4 stars
 
Character:
3 stars
 
Dialogue:
3 stars
 
Emotion:
3 stars
 
February 10, 2011
I really enjoyed reading the script. The main character Charisse, is witty, earthy, kind hearted and totally drawn to the wrong men. There were lots of typos in the script that need fixing, and I did get confused in places about whether some characters were mixed up with others.

This is a really fun premise, a good romantic comedy, and I could not tell who she was going to end up with until it actually happened. I also felt like it could be shortened and simplified some more.

Fun overall!
 

Jivetown, Donna's 3rd Draft

1 out of 2 people found the following review helpful:

Good overall premise, Main Character needs a little work I think

Overall Recommendation:
4 stars
 
Premise:
4 stars
 
Story structure:
4 stars
 
Character:
2 stars
 
Dialogue:
5 stars
 
Emotion:
5 stars
 
February 02, 2011
I liked the story a lot. It's a good teen dance movie with heart. It may just be me, but I thought Jimmy's character didn't come across as particularly likeable. He seemed rude and dismissive of his friends and didn't really seem like a good guy until the very end of the movie. Maybe that's his character arc, but I'd like to see a little more of why his friends like him. It's not just because he's a good dancer, right?

That said, the dialogue is great, realistic and young. The emotions of the characters are well portrayed. I can really see Jimmy's despair and embarrasment about his life with his mom in the trailer. His longing for Selena and a better life come out well.

I would maybe extend the opening scene to show him dancing with the redhead and having Becky look on jealously, and maybe have a little more real interaction with Becky that gives her more of a reason to have a crush on him.

I think this script is strong but needs a little more tweaking.
 

Favorite Movies

They Might Be Giants
My Favorite Year
Raiders of the Lost Arc
The Big Lebowski
Intolerable Cruelty
West Side Story
The Music Man
 

Influences

The Coen Brothers
Steven Speilberg
George Lucas
 

Following

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