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Title Average Rating Downloads Date

America's Ben Franklin in: The Electrocution String George's 1st Draft (Script 89)

No rating
21 01/31/12

Reviews George Has Written

Hysteria, Erik R.'s Original Draft

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Hysteria Review

Overall Recommendation:
3 stars
4 stars
Story structure:
3 stars
3 stars
2 stars
2 stars
May 06, 2011
This is interesting conceptually, but at least for now is bit marred by a repetitive structure and on-the-nose dialogue. With most of the action saved for the third act, improvements to the more character-based interactions earlier on are the key here.

There's a general stiffness to the dialogue, but the larger problem is that most of it just involves the characters spelling out what they plan to do, their current situation, and their thoughts on extra terrestrials (the classroom discussion could be much subtler). And it's not helped much by repetition of David's interactions at home, school, and with Ellen. That said, the story is somewhat able overcome these flaws once the invasion begins. The dialogue still has its issues and there are still sections that feel repetitive (exploring two emergency exits in the tunnel, trying to leave the camp twice, etc.), but the plot breezes along nicely and remains intriguing to the end.


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