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Reviews Jeffrey Has Written

The Milkman, William's 6th Draft

4 out of 6 people found the following review helpful:

What does this have to do with Batman?

Overall Recommendation:
1 stars
 
Premise:
1 stars
 
Story structure:
1 stars
 
Character:
1 stars
 
Dialogue:
1 stars
 
Emotion:
1 stars
 
May 24, 2011
I'm confused, what does this script have to do with the Batman Dead Shot movie? I thought this was a fish out of water comedy, not a fan fiction spoof.
 

The Umpire, Matthew's Original Draft

0 out of 3 people found the following review helpful:

Feel good hit of the summer!

Overall Recommendation:
5 stars
 
Premise:
5 stars
 
Story structure:
5 stars
 
Character:
5 stars
 
Dialogue:
5 stars
 
Emotion:
5 stars
 
May 24, 2011
I noticed a few typos on pages 12, 17, 44, and 78.
There could be others, but I didn’t notice them. If you use Final Draft or MM you could have the program read the script to you. Always helps me.
This is a fully realized world with interesting characters that a reader can empathize with in a both emotional and spiritual way.
A page-turner.
I try not to use the word well…at the beginning of dialogue because it is a time killer and actors tend to need little prompting when delivering “important” lines.
I reviewed the book "Empire the Great" several years ago. Thematically somewhat similar to your script. Check it out.
One major problem is the characters talk the same. They come from different worlds and backgrounds, why would they all talk the same.
You could lose about ten pages and improve the read quite a bit.
Overall, very good.
 

The Prisoner of Alpha Prime, Joseph's Original Draft

0 out of 0 people found the following review helpful:

Star Trek meets a bad Star Trek episode

Overall Recommendation:
1 stars
 
Premise:
1 stars
 
Story structure:
1 stars
 
Character:
1 stars
 
Dialogue:
1 stars
 
Emotion:
1 stars
 
May 24, 2011
Script begins like a bad episode of Star Trek. It reads like old sci-fi with it's outdated ideas and philosopies. People implanted with a chip to integrate them with the matrix. Been done on Star Trek.
Who is this mysterious man? Too much strange stuf going on.

Script is too long.

make it shorter.
 

Glacier, Carl's Original Draft

0 out of 0 people found the following review helpful:

Funny and full of scares

Overall Recommendation:
5 stars
 
Premise:
5 stars
 
Story structure:
5 stars
 
Character:
5 stars
 
Dialogue:
5 stars
 
Emotion:
5 stars
 
May 24, 2011
Now this is what I call a screenplay! Very touching story, yet scary and funny. It's definitely one of the best scripts in this contest. Don't bother entering if can't write better than Glacier!
 

Evolver, Zaki's Original Draft

4 out of 6 people found the following review helpful:

Ripoff of the 1995 film

Overall Recommendation:
1 stars
 
Premise:
1 stars
 
Story structure:
1 stars
 
Character:
1 stars
 
Dialogue:
1 stars
 
Emotion:
1 stars
 
May 24, 2011
Ripoff of the 1995 movie, except instead of the monster being a videogame evolver come to lift, it is a bioengineered creature. The monster should be much cooler than it is in the script. The monster doesn't do one cool thing in the story. This script is an F.
 

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