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Reviews Bananaphone Has Written

America's Ben Franklin in: The Electrocution String, David's 1st Draft

0 out of 0 people found the following review helpful:

hysterical

Overall Recommendation:
5 stars
 
Premise:
5 stars
 
Story structure:
4 stars
 
Character:
5 stars
 
Dialogue:
5 stars
 
Emotion:
3 stars
 
March 21, 2012
this trailer was hysterical. i haven't read the script, but the pacing and music was just amazinly funny. i will see this if they make it into a movie. i just hope they don't change ben frankling to a younger looking person like johnny depp. it is important for the comedy to work that he is this unlikely old man, sort of like an old rocker rocking it up in an age where this kind of behaviour is not common.
 

Devil's Pass, xxxxxxx's 4th Draft

0 out of 0 people found the following review helpful:

great stuff

Overall Recommendation:
5 stars
 
Premise:
4 stars
 
Story structure:
5 stars
 
Character:
4 stars
 
Dialogue:
5 stars
 
Emotion:
3 stars
 
July 04, 2011
This is one of the most entertaining scripts i've read here. Excellent dialogue and structure. You knouw what you're doing. This is a classic western with a supernatural element. I really liked the inclusion of indians, that is something we haven't seen in westerns for a while.

One thing i had trouble with was in the very beginning, where the train is being robbed. It seems extremely unlikely to me that a train would stop just because a man and a horse stands in its way, especially when it seems train robbery is common. this is kind of a big thing to me, because this scene is supposed to introduce the main character as someone who is cool and brave. This fails because standing infront of a train expecting it to stop is stupid. i don't quite know how to solve it, but maybe you can put up a larger barrier on the tracks, like a big boulder or a wagon of dynamite, or something more creative.

anyway, great script. i would love to see this movie.
 

The Pinstriped Primates, K's Original Draft

1 out of 1 people found the following review helpful:

promising

Overall Recommendation:
5 stars
 
Premise:
5 stars
 
Story structure:
3 stars
 
Character:
5 stars
 
Dialogue:
4 stars
 
Emotion:
5 stars
 
July 02, 2011
this script is hillarious.

things to note:

first you need to introduce a story element to keep the viewer interested in where things are heading. i suggest you introduce a poster for a wrestling tournament that rufus brings along in the scene where he gives him his black belt or thereabouts. but he must only show him the poster, not say that he should join or it would be too obvious.

these things needs to be implemented several places. one place i think it is vital is on page 30, when Arno and Nairobi gets on the motorcycle, arno asks where they are going. nairobi says something like "wherever the road takes us". instead they should say something like "to the tournament, but first we have to get Beppo". that way we get a sense of team spirit and emotional content as well as a goal.

this is as far as i've read, but it seems utterly insane and brilliant. another thing to note is that it may be too mature for kids and too immature for grown ups.
 

Favorite Movies

city slickers 2, barbarella, persona, 2001, talk to her, sunset blv, road house, crash, conan the barbarian, the treasure of the sierra madre, casablanca, the life aquatic, braindead, tremors, music & lyrics, hiroshima mon amour, aberdeen
 

Influences

bergman, kubrick, almodovar, leone, bukowski, gonzo journalism, the beat generation, chris marker, film noir, japan, nerd culture, french cinema, terrence malick.
 

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