
Outline your movie or TV script
Write your movie or TV script
I am a writer/director with a wide-ranging interest in world cinema. i use my background in shooting and editing to pay rent, But ultimately i'd like to be writing/directing feature films and consulting on other people's scripts. film is life.
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In reading this screenplay I was very torn in terms of its entertainment value.
On the one hand, in looking at the script as a blueprint for a potential novel or screenplay, I was very engaged. I liked the idea of Aris learning that his otherwise 'perfectly normal Greek family' is actually full of drama from the past - his father was a rebel fighter who was arrested for being a Communist, his mother was secretly Jewish and had seen her family and all of their friends disappear during World War II. At times I enjoyed Aris' bold tendency to question authority, a habit which gets him in trouble with superiors, especially when his Captain discovers that Aris' father was a Communist. I liked Aris' friendship with Manolis, a kindred spirit and fellow soldier who protects him from being unfairly mistreated. The romance with Matina is nice, especially since Aris is determined to find true love as opposed to an arranged marriage with a good dowry. And in particular, the juxtaposition of Matina and Aris' mother is very compelling, since his mother is portrayed as a diabolical, manipulative, cunning figure - an evil mother-in-law, and Matina is this vulnerable innocent woman who is strong-willed but no match for a seasoned opponent's deception. It was sad to see Matina throw herself into traffic and try to kill herself, but in some ways it felt only fair, since Aris had brought her into a dangerous place (his home) and done very little to protect her. The fact that she survives and everything works out fine was, for me, just another happy ending. I tend to like films with ambiguous endings because when films have engineered happy endings, I quickly forget them and replace them in my memory with my interpretation of what might _actually_ have happened in my own imagination.
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A few more words on that last point before I explore what I didn't like so much. A film like the recent "Sleeping Beauty" by Julia Leigh ends on a completely ambiguous note, which infuriates some audiences. And yet I can't stop thinking about the film, what it means, and what the writer/director might have been implying. Sure, it's initially frustrating, but it's also incredibly powerful in what it provides for the imagination to work with. By contrast, the film "Taken" finishes with everything resolved and wrapped in a nice little bundle.
So when I say I like to replace happy endings - I tend to reject the engineered happy conclusion and form my own thoughts. So with "Taken", it begins with a lonely dad alienated from the world due to his black ops past, ostracized from his daughter by a controlling mother and her wealthy new husband, and feeling paranoid and helpless when asked to sign a permission slip to send her overseas for the summer. In the film, what happens next is that the daughter gets kidnapped and the Dad goes to Paris to basically become superman, save her before anything too scarring happens to her, and bring her home safely. Bullsh*t. Loved the action of the movie, but that storyline is just complete bullsh*t.
In my mind, in my 'replaced' ending, Taken is actually largely the fantasy of a depressive, near suicidal father who has nothing left in the world except his daughter. So when the daughter goes on a trip to Paris, Daddy feels like he is completely powerless. He imagines the worst possible scenario that could happen, then dreams up the most ridiculously heroic thing he could do to save the day, and momentarily feels better. Then he wakes up from the dream, looks around his empty apartment at the photos of his daughter and does one of two things - he either shoots himself in the face, or he sits and wallows in self-pity until he hears from his ex-wife that his daughter is enjoying herself in Paris, seeing museums, meeting boys and watching concerts.
Ok, back to the review.
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What I didn't like about "The Life and Times of an Army Recruit" *as a screenplay* was that it featured a completely passive protagonist who basically floats through the events of the script. He gets rescued by other people every time something bad happens. He doesn't grab life by the balls, he doesn't go down a bad path and turn everything around, he just keeps floating. As a kid he plays 'soldier' and mom is there to give him his snack. As a recruit he witnesses some bad things happen (like an officer jumping on a grenade after another recruit drops is) - but I never see any evidence that he comes to a deeper understanding of the world through these events. Things happen, he reacts.
In some ways the film reminded me of "Public Enemy Number 1" and "Mesrine", the two part french film. People love those movies. And while I enjoy Cassel's performance and thought they were beautifully shot - it was just storytelling-by-numbers. The character just gets into trouble, miraculously it all works out, then this repeats again and again, and then finally things go bad. Finally.
By contrast, the multi-part film "Carlos" was more interesting. The character does manage to survive some dangerous situations, but he does it using a combination of wits and his personal moral code, which is one small part revolutionary and one big part power/money hungry. When he falls from grace it's a tragic descent, and a much more compelling story for me.
The most interesting playground for dramatic elements in "The Life and Times of an Army Recruit" is when Aris brings his love interest home to Mommy's house. His first mistake is not telling his mother he's bringing a woman home. He cowardly says "it's a friend". So right away, the mother feels territorial and lied to, as if Aris and Matina are on one side and she on another. So she reacts by trying to win Aris to her own side, by any means necessary. Her anger heightens when she realizes that Matina is poor, 'beneath them', and truly the light of her son's life. Things get so bad that she succeeds in driving Matina crazy. Rather than return home, pregnant and scorned by Aris and his mother, Matina tries to kill herself. This is all great stuff - that is to say, the stuff that good films are made of. But then what happens? Without any help from Aris, his mother decides to 'turn a new leaf' and buy a new family home. Notice - she doesn't buy Aris and his bride-to-be a new family home...she buys herself a family home which they will all live in together. This really solves nothing, it just transplants them to a bigger home. The only reason we are led to believe that everything is solved is that she is acting nicer all of a sudden. But anyone who has known a manipulator knows that a) they don't change overnight and b) they are masters of 'playing possum', only to strike again later.
All in all, I would say that a more interesting screenplay based on this material would take place largely in the mother's house after the war was over. Many of the events of the backstory could be filled in through dialogue with visiting friends (such as Manolis) and family (i.e. Matina's family). Unless there is a way to make Aris' experience in the army more compelling, such as a rivalry or close friendship that is somewhat continuous through the experience - it seems difficult to show a character arc. Alternatively, perhaps the story could be a First Act of his search for true love, unfortunately interrupted by military service, and then a Second Act full of the struggles he and his new bride face when returning to 'peace-time' domestic living, rising to a Third Act of intense psychological breakdowns and cathartic resolutions from all characters. And all the while Aris would either need to be either more assertive, or completely passive and gradually gaining the strength to really take a stand and choose between his mother and his girl.
Best of luck with this, it is a compelling world currently lacking a main character and story arc that would bring the screenplay to life. That's just my opinion. If you prefer to keep the screenplay in it's current form, below I have put some questions which might be helpful in clarifying it..
A FEW QUESTIONS
If Aris' mother doesn't want him to go to the military, why not show him the letter earlier? And why is she justifying fighting in the Army as a good thing right before he leaves? it sounds like she now wants him to go...this was confusing.
The officer who throws himself on the grenade would be a perfect person for Aris to have a rivalry or friendship with..even if it was the evil Captain. It would be a way of Aris coming to a realization that even the worst behaved military person is still willing to sacrifice his life for his countrymen...this is the dichotomy of the modern soldier.
On page 15 he says "I am about to kill you". Really? We have no evidence of him being so strong willed about Jews. Perhaps you could establish this in your central character if you wish for your audience to have any empathy with him whatsoever.
On page 8 the dialogue is boring. Couldn't you just show him go and sign up, then return and we see the look on his mother's face and know she is disappointed?
Your logline provides nothing useful about what your screenplay is actually about. It provides a summary of one scene in the first act.
In general, the language and grammar of the script will be difficult for some readers. I think it's fine assuming the film is in Greek and these are the blueprints for what will be the English subtitles. However, the words are very literal much of the time - i.e. characters state the obvious, and this can detract from entertainment value.
4 grammar - I can and don't want to find my future bride.
14 spelling - your favorite, mushaka
21 spelling - waste two years
110 spelling - match