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Submitted Work

Movie Projects

Scripts

Title Average Rating Downloads Date
Created

He's "The One"? Marilyn's 1st Draft (Script 6)

No rating
10 02/10/11

He's "The One"? K.L. 's 5th Draft (Script 5)

4.0 stars
(2)
13 01/17/11

He's "The One"? K.L. 's 4th Draft (Script 4)

3.0 stars
(1)
9 12/29/10

He's "The One"? K.L. 's 3rd Draft (Script 3)

4.5 stars
(4)
6 12/20/10

He's "The One"? K.L. 's 2nd Draft (Script 2)

4.3 stars
(3)
16 12/12/10

He's "The One"? K.L. 's Original Draft (Script 1)

No rating
8 12/12/10

About

I'm a writer, novelist, author, and lover all of ALL things chick lit and chick flick. If there's a chick flick that I haven't seen, I must've been in a coma at the time it came out. I love the genre and hope to someday successfully write many movies in the genre. I also love the old black and whites. There will never be another All About Eve, Cary Grant, Irene Dunne...and the list goes on.

Although I've been a writer since I can remember, I was a struggling indie author for about a year until I was "discovered" by an executive editor at a major publishing house. I found a literary agent and four months later signed a contract with Simon & Schuster. My debut novel, The Bum Magnet, from which I adapted my screenplay, will be published on March 29, 2011.

As an indie author, I garnered a lot of fantastic fan reviews when I initially self-published my novel. Even won an "Sundance-ish" book award for multicultural fiction and a third place grand prize for the Best Fiction of 2010. Many readers wrote me and often said my novel would make a great movie...you know, because no author's ever heard that one before.

I guess the only difference is... I'm here to prove them right. :)
 

Reviews K.L. Has Written

Cracking Wise, Richard's Original Draft

1 out of 1 people found the following review helpful:

Funny Stuff

Overall Recommendation:
4 stars
 
Premise:
4 stars
 
Story structure:
5 stars
 
Character:
5 stars
 
Dialogue:
4 stars
 
Emotion:
3 stars
 
January 17, 2011
This is one of the semi-finalists I really felt compelled to read. When I saw some of the movies he listed in comparison--The Awful Truth, My Favorite Wife--and other old black & white moves that I LOVE, I had to take a chance on it.

This movie kind of reminded me of The Bachelor meets Billy Madison meets Brewster's Millions, at least in terms of the concepts. Lupe, Leon, and Kroeger, with a generous dash of Grace make for memoborable characters and a funny combination.

The whole swimming rat thing sucked me in and I couldn't put this thing down...and I tried. lol

Even though it feels slightly "done before," it's definitely a good read.
 

Church Chick, Michelle 's Original Draft

2 out of 3 people found the following review helpful:

Enjoyable Read, but...

Overall Recommendation:
4 stars
 
Premise:
4 stars
 
Story structure:
4 stars
 
Character:
3 stars
 
Dialogue:
2 stars
 
Emotion:
3 stars
 
December 24, 2010
Church chick is a story about a shy church-going girl who, after marrying the wrong man, learns some very worldly ways, and her life changes for the better...and for the worse. Unfortunately, the woman who coaches her out of her shell is also cuckoo for cocoa cocoa puffs and makes her life with her new beau a living hell.

As I am not an authority on screenplay formatting I refrain my remarks to the story line.

The premise of the story was pretty good; and the ending was full of drama. However, the main issue I had was with the depiction of the main character, Sabrina. I couldn't really connect with her because her actions and dialogue didn't really offer enough about her motivation. I understand that she is shy but I think it would be better to allow her to be visually shy...but behind closed doors or in her thoughts, we need to see there is someone else longing to get out. We see a dash of it with the "viagara" line, but then she all but disappears.

The supporting characters were pretty engaging, probably more so than the main character, so I enjoyed her parents and the other church folk.

I would offer one suggestion which is to get Tobin in the story much sooner...or change the description. Based on the description, I thought Tobin would be an integral part of the story much sooner. He doesn't show up until very late in the script. I would suggest maybe a short, coincidental meeting between Tobin and Sabrina early on, before her transformation, then their meeting after she transforms becomes more dramatic.

OR -- focus the story on how a shy girl breaks out of her shell.

Overall, this is an enjoyable read. Stronger dialogue for Sabrina and more transparent motivation will get this story to it's fullest potential.
 

The Davis Family, Sean's Original Draft

2 out of 3 people found the following review helpful:

What a family!

Overall Recommendation:
4 stars
 
Premise:
4 stars
 
Story structure:
4 stars
 
Character:
3 stars
 
Dialogue:
5 stars
 
Emotion:
3 stars
 
December 17, 2010
The Davis Family is an edgy urban family drama involving the Davis family's parents, siblings, and their significant others. The cussing mama, easy-going father, momma's boy older brother, wisecracking little brother, and snippy sisters all travel to Jamaica for sister Angela's wedding...where drama and crazy situations become the order of the day.

One of the best aspects of this screenplay is the humorous dialogue. The writer uses a host of funny one-liners that make the dialogue pop. I laughed out loud several times and laughs don't come too easily for me. There was also an interesting role reversal where the women are more aggressive and callous, and the men are the more passive beings who fall victim to their women's escapades. Even Momma had a sharp tongue.

The one thing I felt lacking is just a little more balance. Most of the primary female characters felt a little over-the-top. For half the script, I didn't really like them and didn't want to know them. Another reviewer mentioned Tyler Perry and I think they hit the nail on head. The women reminded me of Angela in Why Did I Get Married? One Angela is great, but everybody can't and shouldn't be Angela. The other characters really balanced Angela out. In this one, there's no real balance for the primary leads and the male roles aren't really strong enough to balance them out. We really don't see anything redeemable about the extreme characters until the end so their transformations happen a little too quickly.

The relationship dynamics although entertaining, I felt they could've been developed more and demonstrated the motivation for their actions, Angela in particular. We know she has an indiscretion but no real reason is given. We never see the dynamic in her and Frederick's relationship that makes her cheat. We don't see the dynamics in Kelly and Angela's relationship that makes her do what she does...although she does give an explanation afterward, that's definitely an instance where the writer tells but doesn't show.

Overall, this was a good read. Sean's got great potential as a writer.
 

From Slut to Saint, Paula's Original Draft

3 out of 4 people found the following review helpful:

Compelling Christian Drama - A Worthy read!

Overall Recommendation:
4 stars
 
Premise:
4 stars
 
Story structure:
3 stars
 
Character:
5 stars
 
Dialogue:
5 stars
 
Emotion:
4 stars
 
December 17, 2010
Slut to Saint, a story of transformation redemption, follows the romantic and religious travails of April as she struggles to overcome a childhood steeped in dysfunction and abortions and an adult life riddled with one unhealthy relationship after another...until she receives the blessings that come with living your faith. Even when she finds the life she wants in her second husband, they still struggle through miscarriages, job issues, and April's struggle to get him on the church train.

April narrates her story and she has a great voice. The dialogue was spot on and very real and the images very vivid, although a little off-putting in a couple of places (i.e., the lice - yuk). And there's lots of drama which keeps you roped into the story.

I really liked this screenplay; it had a very IFC vibe. It was not too too preachy as the writer deftly laces the religious aspects into everyday life issues. Mooney uses April's life as an example of how one could transform and overcome your weaknesses and flaws, live a happy life, and eventually find healthy fulfilling relationships.

The script felt a little on the long side. Although the short scenes definitely help keep the pace going they felt a little choppy in places. The only thing that really suffered for me was the ending. Adding the contest elements toward the end really yanked me completely out of the story and adds too much cheesiness to a screenplay that would be much better without it. I'd kill that little darling. :)

Overall, very enjoyable.
 

Get Motivated, A's 4th Draft

2 out of 2 people found the following review helpful:

Entertaining...but a little predictable.

Overall Recommendation:
4 stars
 
Premise:
5 stars
 
Story structure:
4 stars
 
Character:
3 stars
 
Dialogue:
4 stars
 
Emotion:
3 stars
 
December 15, 2010
I'm a comedy girl, so I thought I'd give this a whirl. Keep in mind my expertise goes more along with rating the story than script mechanics. I've got a lot to learn. What I will say is that your script was a very easy read and visually it had lots of white space that made it quick read as well. I haven't been able to finish a lot of scripts on this site and I can see how that helps.

Onto the story.

Whenever I first start reading anything, I usually try to see if I can predict the ending and then I see how close I came. With yours, I predicted quirky employees go on a retreat from hell, creepy stuff happens to some characters, but they all come out safe, sound, and better people in the end.

And that's exactly what happened.

I personally think the story could use more of a twist than the cushy retreat turns to the retreat from hell. Something completely unpredictable would give the script just the kick it needs. I don't know what that is... lol

With that said, this is really funny and entertaining for the most part. You got a few laugh out louds out of me, which is not easy. The dynamics of the team are perfect. The humor, although a little potty in some places, works for this story.

At the point where Artemis goes down, there seems to be a shift from comedy to drama...which stems from their reactions. I want this to be a comedy or drama, not both. To keep it funny, I'd suggest they have more of a "quit playin' around" reaction than the "OMG, what's going on?" reaction. I'd suggest killing the Tranh with the arrow in his leg too. It adds more to the drama element than the comedic element. I'd do something else with Artemis too. The laying at the bottom of the cliff thing is too extreme for the characters to react in a humorous way. There is probably a middle ground. Everything else was okay for me.

Overall, I like it. Add some unpredictability to the ending and lose the drama and I think you will kick this up to the 4.5 star range.
 

American Anthem, John's 5th Draft

2 out of 3 people found the following review helpful:

Good Sports Story...and a little bit more...

Overall Recommendation:
4 stars
 
Premise:
5 stars
 
Story structure:
4 stars
 
Character:
4 stars
 
Dialogue:
3 stars
 
Emotion:
3 stars
 
December 14, 2010
When I first started reading this story I wondered if it could hold my interest, particularly given that I am a romantic comedy addict. I happy to say that it did. This is a really good story with very compelling characters and the journey was one that held my interest.

If I have one complaint, it's the dialogue. In my humble opinion, it was a little clunky in places and sharp in other places. I would say it could be tightened even more to improve consistency.

I would also suggest tightening up the exposition a bit. I found myself glazing over some of it because it didn't hold my interest, particularly in the first fourth of the screenplay.

Overall, I think this is a great effort. I don't have a lot of screenwriting experience so I cannot comment very much on mechanics since I'm learning them myself. But, I know a good story when I read one. This is good.
 

Favorite Movies

Love Jones
The Best Man
When Harry Met Sally
Sleepless in Seattle
An Affair to Remember
My Favorite Wife
A Bronx Tale
Harry Potter (ALL)
Bridget Jone's Diary
Waiting to Exhale
Hitch
Pride and Prejudice (A&E)
The Godfather
All About Eve
 

Influences

Nora Ephron
Theodore Witcher
Malcolm D. Lee
Spike Lee
Jane Austen
 

Following

7 People